Sex & Pornography

First, allow me to set the mood in order to best describe this experience. I was sitting on the couch, still in my morning shorts and t-shirt, doing my morning ritual of checking facebook and reading blogs. My eight year old daughter, still in her pj's, and my five year old son were sitting right next to me. I was reading one of the blogs that I follow when I decided to explore what some of his followers were posting. I clicked on an image of a face and what popped up on my screen was like a sword had been shoved into my heart. Two naked women, laying on top of each other, having a sexual experience. My daughter looked over and saw the screen and I felt like my world had crashed. I couldn't turn it off fast enough. I closed the screen and just sat there, wondering what entered my daughter's mind. I felt devastated.

This is where I expose myself and share my common struggles with the world. I have been addicted to pornography since I was a young teenager. I was never taught what the beautiful design of sex was meant to be, by my parents or anyone else. To me, it was a secretive, dark, and dirty world. The pornography took me places that I could not describe. What I was learning from the pornography was that this is how women wanted to be treated. I never had a girlfriend while I was growing up and did not have sex until I was twenty three years old. I confused sex with love and scared away most women that I had met. I had lost all respect for women and even myself. The bible describes pornography as lust instilled by pictures. The book of Ezekiel shares a story of two adulterous sisters, Oholah and Oholibah. Ezekiel 23:14-17 tells us Oholibah carried her prostitution even further. She saw men portrayed on a wall, figures of Chaldeans portrayed in red, with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea. As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her. After she had been defiled by them, she turned away from them in disgust. This is one of the oldest recorded stories of pornography in the Bible. It has been around since the fall of man, and will more than likely still exist until Jesus returns to take us home.

That morning, after I closed my computer, I began to prepare for my day. I told the kids to get dressed, brush their teeth, make the beds, etc.... and did all of the same myself. I could not get that image of the two naked women out of my head. It doesn't take much for lust to invade. Lust is always lurking. Author Charles Swindoll writes: No one is immune. You're not. I'm not. Lust is no respecter of persons . . . It's alluring voice can infiltrate the most intelligent mind and cause it's victim to believe it's lies and respond to it's appeal. And beware - it never gives up . . . it never runs out of ideas. Bolt your front door and it will rattle at the bedroom window, crawl into the living room through the TV screen, or wink at you out of a magazine in the den . . . Lust is persistent. If it's knocked on your door once, it will knock again. And again. You are safe just so long as you draw upon your Savior's strength. Try to handle it yourself and you'll lose - every time. That morning, I lost. Instead of running to Jesus and putting myself in the Word, I went back and read that young ladies blog, knowing exactly what I was looking for. In her personal description she claims to be a simple girl who is addicted to sex with the same sex, and is in love with Jesus. Immediately, I was completely side tracked. Not so much as interested in exploring her bisexual photos, but confused and intrigued by her comment. How is this lifestyle simple? How can one openly admit to their bisexuality, blatantly live in it, and still be a follower of Christ? What kind of mixed message does that send? And then I remembered, God loves us all, unconditionally, right where we are at. Her sins are no greater than mine, and I am a follower of Christ. I blatantly went back to her blog site looking for trouble and instead, was reminded of Christ. She is God's daughter and He loves her. It is not my place to judge or condemn her, I am not God. I began to pray for her. I prayed that she be able to leave her bisexual lifestyle and that she would be able to have one as God designed it to be. The design that God created in Genesis. So the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:21-24). I truly believe that one cannot be fully connected to God and experience everything that He has to offer if they choose not talk with Him wholeheartedly. It is impossible to serve two Gods for their is only One. You cannot serve money, idols, or even sex; and expect to be able to serve God at the same time. This is why I struggle with the blatant and poor choices that I make or anyone else makes for that matter. I prayed for her, but the damage had been done. I lusted for her in my mind and that is the same as adultery in God's eyes. It is disrespectful to her and to my wife. It hurts two of God's daughters, therefore, it hurts Him.

A few years ago, I attended a seminar at my church, and the topic was sex and pornography. The speaker's name was Gene McConnell. Gene travels around the nation to some of the darkest places and teaches the gospels to hookers, strippers, and prostitutes. He commits his life to saving women from a destructive life style. A couple of girls that he has reached out to even travel with him to testify their discovery of Christ and how He has changed their lives. Gene's mission is very difficult and very dangerous. You have to be a spiritually strong man not to fall prey to the very thing he speaks against. It was Gene McConnell that introduced the phrase "Every woman is a daughter of God" to me. It has stuck with me ever since. I first heard that phrase at the same time that I received a daughter of my own. I felt helpless, because I know that there will come a day when my innocent little daughter will be looked at sexually, and there is nothing that I can do to prevent it. I pray for my little girl every day and ask God to keep her on a righteous path and that I can be a good example of what a Godly man looks like to a young lady. That is why my heart broke when that image popped up on my computer screen. I wonder if she was thinking "What is my daddy looking at"? I wonder if she will always remember that image and if it grow into a weed in her soul. My world was crushed.

What does a father to a daughter really look like? A good father respects his daughter. A great father loves his daughter. A righteous father prays for daughter. A Godly father will protect his daughter. He will play with her, take her on dates, affirm her that she is beautiful, love her unconditionally, discipline her honestly, and teach her respectfully. A real man will step up to the challenge and raise her as if God were raising her on His own. A real man will love his wife and treat her with respect in front of their daughter. He will kiss his wife, and be playful with his wife and pray with his wife in their daughter's view. So many women who have strayed from the path end up in places of pornography and prostitution. They have gone searching for something that they were never taught about or affirmed of when they were little girls. They will accept anything that looks like love to them because they have no sense of right from wrong. And if they can distinguish between right and wrong, they will choose the wrong because it is easier, more exciting, and it hurts the least when something does go wrong. Years will go by and souls will be damaged to the point of no return. The only way back is through Christ, and even then, their hearts may never trust another man again.

Here is something very important to remember. God does not condemn, but He does convict. It is the work of the enemy to hold you in place of condemnation. That place is filled with guilt, shame, loneliness, and unforgiveness. God forgives us and then convicts us to learn from our mistakes to make better choices the next time. And there will always be a next time. I wouldn't be blogging about this if there wasn't. The one thing that I will testify to, is being in a group of Christian men that meet weekly and that will hold me accountable for my actions. They build me up instead of tearing me down, despite my poor choices. Proverbs 27:17 states, As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. That is what those men do for me. That is what true authentic friendship looks like in Christ.

"Seven Promises Of A Promise Keeper" (multiple authors) and "Every Man's Battle" (by Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoeker) are two good books to read if you are looking for some incite on sexual purity. Promise number three in the Promise Keeper's book is: A Promise Keeper is committed to practicing spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity. This was the most important promise that I have taken and tried to apply to my life. I have not lived up to it as I thought I could. I have failed miserably, but I'm not going to give up. The prize is worth too much to me and I will strive for Him with every breath that He gives me. One of the things that I picked up from Every Man's Battle is about the eyes. Men were wired by God to see beauty with our eyes. Our eyes are also our weakness. If we see an attractive woman, we can't help but stare at her. It draws us in. We then begin to look at her lustfully. The longer we look, the stronger that image is burned in our mind. The next thing you know, we are undressing her (if she isn't already undressed) and one thing leads to another.... The book teaches a method about bouncing the eyes. If you notice an attractive woman, and you know that you have weakness with lust, then immediately look away before a detailed image is processed in your mind. Women don't understand this concept because they aren't sexually stimulated in the same way. They aren't aroused when they see a naked man or one in a speedo. The ignition switch for women is tied to touch and relationship - not the guy's body. I would suggest reading all of both of these books if you are looking for some Christian based answers.

In closing, I just want to mention some important things to remember:

1. God does love you, unconditionally, right where you are at!!

2. Sex is a beautiful thing that God created.

3. God designed sex for one man to share with one woman in the covenant of marriage.

4. Pornography is addictive and it can shatter families and marriages.

5. Adultery is a sin, but Jesus wants to give forgiveness for it.

6. God wants us to learn and grow from our mistakes.

7. Men need to have a group of male friends (preferably Christian) that will hold them accountable.

Here are some helpful and spiritual website links:
www.xxxchurch.com
www.promisekeepers.org
www.everymansbattle.com
Or you can Google Gene McConnell for several websites containing his message.
Also, get in the Word. Read the Bible daily. And if you want to read about sex in the Bible, read Song of Songs. It's beautiful and the way it was intended to be.
Peace and Blessings!