Follower

I changed the name of my blog to "Follower". I did this because I am devoting my time and energy into seeking God's wisdom and following Jesus as a role model for my life. My old title "The Human Experience" was fitting for my experiences in life, but as I am growing, I know all of my experiences will be as a result of following Him.
I hope that my postings will challenge people to think about what God is doing in their lives. As I am a follower of other inspirational blogs, I hope that followers of my blog will be challenged to follow Christ as well.
Peace!

Who, What, Why?

Have you ever wondered why a certain person has been introduced to your life and questioned the purpose and timing of the introduction as well?

I met this guy a few months ago, who stumbled into our men's group. I remember asking him to share a little bit of his life story with me, and I remember thinking that he is going through the ringer and how awesome it is that he is walking with God to get through it. I never really questioned my knowing him at the time, but that changed yesterday.

Over the weekend I approached this guy to inquire about his drywall skills for a job that I am doing. He gladly accepted the job and mentioned that he really needed the work. He called me yesterday to ask me if I could drive him to the bank and then to a couple other places because his car is not running. I told him that I could, but it would have to wait until tomorrow. He then asked me if I would like to purchase some tools from him because he is really hurting for money. He mentioned that the electric company is going to shut off his electric this week because he can't afford to pay that bill either. I didn't respond to what he was telling me because I have had bad experiences of being taken advantage of in similar circumstances in the past. I simply said that I would pick him up tomorrow and that I would pray for him as well.

I was driving home from the gym yesterday and I found myself thinking of what he told me and I began to ask God about him. Why do I have a soft spot (or weakness) for this kind of person? Why is he asking me for help? What is the ultimate reason for knowing this person? God, what am I supposed to do? These were some of the questions that were rambling through my mind during my thirty minute drive home.

This morning, I woke with the same questions going through my mind. I had an appointment with my counselor (I am seeking counsel for personal matters) this morning, and this topic came up. I was asked if I am sad about anything, and I used this for my answer. I am sad because this guy is having a rough time, and I want to help him. I know, ultimately, he has to make choices to help himself, but I feel like God put him in my life so I can help him. Why do I know him? How can I help?

We continued through my session and then my counselor asked me if I am confused about anything. The word "DISCIPLE" appeared in my thoughts. What does a modern day disciple look like? And how is that different from a pastor? Am I being called to disciple this guy? Or, is he being called to disciple me? I answered my counselor's question with these questions. We discussed my ability to disciple and the possibility that this guy could learn something from me, and then moved on to the next question. When I left his office this morning, I was still wondering the opposite. Maybe he is supposed to disciple me, but what could I possibly have to learn from him?

About an hour ago, I got my answer. I picked up my friend, as promised, to take him to run his errands. We got to talking and in a matter of minutes, we were sharing some pretty deep stuff with each other. I remember asking him about his kids when I met him a few months back. I remember him telling me how he hasn't spoken with a couple of them since his divorce several years ago. I remembering hearing the hurt in his voice when he shared that with me. I asked him how things were going lately and he immediately broke into tears. With all of his might to pull himself together, he shared a story of some recent time spent with his son who still has a lot of aggression towards him. He said that, as he was dropping his son off after their visit that day, his son hugged him and smiled. He told me that his son was mad at him for all of those years because he was never there for him. Never at a ball game. Never payed attention to him at home. His son felt like he was more of a slave to his dad than a son.

That hug was a break through for them!

As I dropped my friend off today, I drove away asking myself: Do my kids feel like a slave to me? Am I there for them at home? Am I there for them outside of our home? Maybe it's not me asking myself these questions. Maybe it's God asking me through a friend's life example. Maybe I was being discipled. Thank you God, for my new friend and what you are teaching me through him.

Matthew 28:16-20
¹⁶Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

maybe

maybe, I can love her better.

maybe, I can serve her more often.

maybe, I can be quiet.

maybe, she deserves better.

maybe, she is waiting for me.

maybe, she loves me.

UC Bearcats & Tiger Woods

Judging Others
Matthew 7:1-6

¹"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

⁶"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

So we all know by now (thanks to the media) that Tiger Woods was having an affair. And, as of yesterday, we now know that Brian Kelly (UC football head coach) accepted the head coach position at Notre Dame.

It's easy to pass judgment on these. Tiger has been a great role model and an athletic idol for a long time now. What takes a decade to establish can be destroyed in a week, thanks to sinless efforts of the media. Who are we to judge? Who of us doesn't struggle with sin on a daily basis? Tiger Woods is no different from any of you or myself. He is just a man. He is not perfect. He, like all of us, is a sinner. Why then, are we so quick to point our fingers and condemn? Because, he is looked up to? We should be looking up to Jesus and setting His standards for are lives, not some golfer's. Would any of us want our lives to be exploited and made public when we have our falls from grace? I think not. There is a lot to be learned about how he picks himself up from this fall. I just hope that he asks God for His assistance. In the mean time, turn off the TV or change the channel when another media source is bashing him, and lift he and his family up in prayer.

As for Brian Kelly, the last time I checked, he is just a human as well. A sinner like the rest of us. So he used The University of Cincinnati to build his resume to get his dream job at Notre Dame. So he lied about it. So he won't be there to coach the last game at The Sugar Bowl. What about all the good he has done? Now that he won't be a part of our precious team, we are so quick to cast stones at him. Who of us hasn't pursued something in life? Who of us hasn't set standards and bailed out when something better came along? The example that he is setting for the students and athletes is not new to them. I think that example has already been established by their home life and by society itself. No, I'm not saying that I agree with it or it's o.k. My question is: Does it stem from our own selfish motives to judge someone else's decisions? Think about that one for a while. Pray for him as well. Forgive him if you hold him in contempt.

John 8:1-11

¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

¹¹"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Christ Centered Marriage

This is actually a post written by Matt Chewning, one of the bloggers that I follow. It really spoke to me in the season that I am in, so I thought I would share it. Keep in mind that I have no authority to teach or preach, but I think Matt did a great job at sharing this message. Matt Chewning is a resident of North Carolina, but is being called to plant a church in Boston. You can read more of his posts at his blog: The Chewning's Journey Towards A Church Plant In Greater Boston.

1 Peter 3:5-7

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Sin separates. The hardest relationship in the world is the marriage. Two people trying to come together and do life as if they are one is an element of disaster, however, this is God’s plan. The problem with this is that we are a selfish and sinful people who desire to have things the way “we” want when “we” want them. Since that is the case, anytime you bring two people together to exist in the manner that God calls us, there are many obstacles to overcome.

Over the years, through reading scripture and personal experience, I have come to understand something about marriage. I will call this more of an observation than something that I have mastered, because God knows that I haven’t figured this out at all. I often wondered why God is so big on women submitting to their husbands and husbands being “loving and gentle” with their wives. I mean, of all the things that God could have told men and women to do in his Book, why choose to tell husbands to “love” their wives and women to “submit” to their husbands?

To help get a grasp on this, I think it is necessary to first understand what the gospel (good news) of Jesus Christ is. Jesus is one of the three God heads of the Trinity, referred to as the Son. He has always been and always will be. He is the head of the church; He is our mediator to the Father and the sender of the Holy Spirit. He is creator and Isaiah says that He sits at the right hand of the Father, receiving worship from all of heaven. In Genesis, as the Trinity was making creation, it says that Jesus was there in beautiful rhythmic harmony with the Father and the Spirit, as man was being created in His image. After sin enters into the world in Genesis 3; Jesus, in order to save Gods elect and enter into relationship with Him; leaves the comforts of home (Heaven) and enters into His creation to live as a sinless, humble man; under humble circumstances; live the life that humanity could not live, and die the death that humanity deserves, only to be raised back to life on the third day; overcoming sin, death and absorbing the wrath of God because of our rebellion.

The crazy part of this story is that God did this for self-glorifying people who were God haters, selfish, proud sinners and on their best day had nothing to offer God. The bible states that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. It says that Christ who knew no sin, became sin, so that sinners could be the righteousness of God. This is a beautiful story of loving the unlovable; one in which just about every great movie or novel is about. This is a story of a man giving up his life so that others may receive life. In essence, Jesus is our Hero.

How does this affect a marriage? The main reason we see God often speaking about how a man should “Love” and “Be Gentle” with his wife is because that is counter intuitive with our sinful nature. The same is true for a woman. God tells the wife to “Submit” to her husband, because a women’s natural sinful tendency is to lord over her husband and run his show.

As a husband, my natural desire is not to be gentle with my wife. Actually the opposite is true. My natural tendency as a sinful man is to be harsh with my words, brash with my attitude, and manipulative with my ways. Concerning how I love my wife; as a sinful man, my initial tendency is to love her when it is only convenient for me. I choose to love her when I want something from her or I will love her because of what she has to offer me. My natural tendency is never to love my wife because of who I am. Instead, I choose to love her for selfish motives. This is why it is so easy to say unloving things when husbands don’t get their way, to emotionally disengage, or in the worst of cases, become physically overbearing to a wife who is physically much weaker than her husband.

The wife, is not too different in her sin. A wives sin typically revolves around her desire for headship and leadership in a home. This has been going on since our first parents Adam and Eve walked the earth. As a matter of fact, sin first enters into the world, because Eve desires leadership, therefore sins, and then leads her husband to sin as well. God himself says in Genesis 3 that although a man will be called to lead his wife; the wife will desire to have the husband’s role as the leader of the marriage. Because of this, many wives are considered a nag. Proverbs compares a woman like this to the annoyance of a leak in the roof on a rainy day. This typically plays out in all sorts of ways. Most often because a wife cannot be physically superior; she becomes her husband’s greatest critic. Constantly criticizing every things he does; from his driving, the way he eats, the way he dresses, the way he parents, the way he pursues sex, the way he provides, the way he talks to her, and even his motives when he decides to love her well. Again, because her ultimate desire to lead, she will continually nag at his leadership and undermine the way that he does everything.

How can a marriage overcome this? To be honest, it almost seems hopeless and too broken of a system to overcome. However, Christ is in the business of reconciliation man to himself and his ways. 2 Corinthians puts it this way in chapter 5 “In Christ, God is reconciling the world to himself.” In other words, as we look at Christ and centralize the gospel in our lives, we will find God’s original intention and order for all of our ways. That being said, we now have to look at Christ in order to understand how marriage can work.

As we learn what our sinful tendencies in marriage are, we should be looking to choose to submit to Christ’s teachings in order to have a biblical marriage even as it gets hard. Looking at the gospel helps us endure when it seems too difficult. Before Christ was crucified for our sin, he went to the garden to wrestle with God. You see him pleading with God to change his ways and defeat sin in a way that did not require Him to separate from the Father and experience His wrath. However, after Christ wrestles with God, he humbles himself to God’s process. He does this out of Love for God and not love for Himself. If he loved Himself more than the Father, he would have avoided the cross and death and not have experienced the wrath and resurrection that saves sinful man. In the same way, we too need to wrestle with God. Gods design on a Godly marriage goes totally against our intuitive ways on how to go about relationships. In all honesty, God’s design for marriage is just too selfless.

Husbands and wives, dream with me for a minute.

Can you imagine a marriage that really fulfills Ephesians 5:21”Submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ”? Husbands, what if you pursued never saying another harsh, unloving word to your wife again? What if you looked to continually encourage your wife without any selfish motive or self seeking reason? What if you were gentle with her and kept your tone low and honored God with your words, looking to build her up and lead her as if she were really God’s child? Wives, you’re not off of the hook either. What if you fought every desire to lead and criticize your husband knowing that blessing comes from submitting to your husband because that’s God design? What if you chose to follow his leading; allowing him to do things the way that he desires without manipulating him and urging him to do things the way that you want it done? What if you thought the best of your husband and believed that his motives were always in love and honor to both God and you?

How would this change your communication? The way you fight? The way you make love and desire each other? The way you parent together? The way you seek to give rather than receive?

The trick to all of this is found in the Gospel as well. Again, the Gospel says that all have sinned against God and fallen away; but despite our sin and while we were still sinners, Christ died. In other words, Christ didn’t love us because there was anything special about us, he loved us because there was something special about Him. In marriage, the same is true. We are commanded to “Love” and “Submit” not because your spouse is “Lovable” or “Submission Worthy”, but instead we are to Love and Submit despite their sinfulness at times. Doing this despite sin is the mark of a true Gospel Centered person who is more interested in being obedient to Christ than they are in responding to sin by sinning themselves. Let’s be honest, when a wife is trying to Lord over her husband because she feels that she can lead better, she is sinning. The same is true when a husband is choosing to not deal with his wife in a lovable way because she is being unlovable. We are not free to sin because our spouse first sinned against us. That is when this gets really hard, because we want to treat people with an appropriate response to how we are being treated. But, the gospel says that Christ treats us with love while we are unloving towards him; He is our great example.

Typically a marriage gets stuck in a never ending spiral of, what I will call, “Responsive Doing.” In other words, because He is not leading well, She will respond by sinning and taking over. Because she has taken over, He will respond with sin and be harsh with her. Because he was harsh with me, I will nag him and criticize every thing he does. Because she’s always nagging and criticizing, I will not love her well. And the spiral goes on and on and on.

Wives, allow your husbands to lead not because he is a great leader, but because of your desire to love Christ and obey his commands. Husbands, love your wives well and be gentle with her, not because she is lovable, but because of your desire to love Christ and obey his commands. Wives, make it easy for your husbands to lead by not criticizing every thing he does. Husbands, make it easy for your wives to follow you by leading well. Do nothing out of selfishness, but consider your spouse better than yourself.

Ultimately, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." – Ephesians 5

Keep in mind, repent quickly and forgive graciously.

100 Random Things About Me

1. I Love Jesus
2. I am married to Ann (Lauer) Calcara
3. I have three kids (Dominick, Eleana, Anthony)
4. I am a 10 year veteran of the United States Air Force
5. I served in the Persian Gulf in 1991
6. My favorite ice cream is chocolate moose tracks
7. I have an architecture/engineering degree
8. I've been to Honduras on a mission trip
9. I grew up in Columbus, Ohio
10. I am Sicilian (great, great grandfather immigrated)
11. I lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico for 4 years
12. My favorite colors are black, red, yellow & blue
13. My birth date is March 20, 1970
14. I love watching "Dancing With The Stars"
15. I am taking Muay Thai & kickboxing lessons
16. My wife is my first true love
17. I became a Christian in 1998
18. My favorite car is the Ford Mustang
19. I want to take drum lessons
20. My favorite Italian meal is Lasagna
21. I have a dog named Coco
22. I love thunderstorms
23. I am an avid bicyclist (road & mountain bike)
24. My favorite beer is Sam Adams
25. I am a sinner (see 26)
26. I am redeemed
27. I am a self-taught Cabinet Maker & Woodworker
28. I assisted in building a log house (from ground up) in Albuquerque
29. I have been to 30 of the states
30. My favorite heavy metal band is Metallica
31. My favorite rock band is Creed
32. My favorite Christian band is Jars Of Clay
33. My favorite country performer is Alan Jackson
34. I am a stay-at-home dad
35. I love pumpkin pie
36. I want to write a book some day
37. I used to dress like Michael Jackson in high school
38. One of my favorite books is "Fathered By God" by John Eldredge
39. I am a Michigan Wolverines fan
40. I have competed in a triathlon
41. I used to break dance back in my high school days
42. I tried the Atomic Sauce at Quaker Steak & Lube
43. I am a fan of Emeril Lagasse
44. I love serving people
45. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving
46. I was a marksman with firearms when I was in the military
47. I fail at a lot of things
48. I like winter better than summer
49. My favorite fast food restaurant is Taco Bell
50. I collect die cast cars
51. My favorite super heroes are Bat Man & Wolverine
52. I like watching chic flicks with my wife
53. My favorite chic flick is "Fools Rush In"
54. My favorite Christmas song is "Little Drummer Boy"
55. My favorite Christmas movie is "Home Alone"
56. I just recently got my first tattoo
57. I can't stand WEBN
58. My favorite actress is Angelina Jolie
59. My favorite actor is Brad Pit
60. I designed Penn Stations, BW3's & Skylines
61. I hung out at a skating rink when I was a teenager
62. My favorite "big hair" band was Night Ranger
63. I've never broken any bones
64. I go to bed at 9:30 quite often
65. My all time favorite comedy is "Dumb & Dumber"
66. I fart . . . alot
67. I hate it when people cuss
68. I can grow my hair into an Afro
69. I love to draw
70. I miss the guys that I grew up with
71. I have flown co-pilot once
72. My favorite rappers are 2Pac & Dr. Dre
73. I graduated high school (barely) in 1988
74. I have never done drugs
75. I watch SpongeBob Square Pants every day
76. My favorite animal is the Bengal Tiger
77. I am addicted to chocolate
78. I am a control freak
79. I just picked up reading as a hobby last year
80. I"m coocoo for cocoa puffs
81. I believe that we can fly in Heaven
82. I am an exercise nut
83. I can take an engine apart & rebuild it
84. I know nothing about computers
85. I talk to God every day
86. I have nightmares of losing my family
87. I struggle with a lot of things
88. I don't know how to swim
89. I have a lot of tools
90. I prefer the mountains over the ocean
91. Mexican cuisine is my second favorite after Italian
92. I love to hear people's "life stories"
93. I sometimes judge people too much
94. I want to travel the world when I retire
95. I love to cook
96. I am very transparent
97. I get lost easy
98. I am seeking counsel to fix myself
99. I Love Jesus, but He is So worth mentioning twice
100. This is my 100th blog.