Journey

I met Ann (my wife) seventeen years ago, on Halloween night at a techno club in Columbus, Ohio. Just to let you know, this was way before my life as a follower of Christ and, as most young men, I was just living to have a good time. Ann and I danced and drank until the club closed in the early morning hours and then we spent the rest of the morning together at a friends house watching Halloween movies until the sun came up. When the morning came, we exchanged phone numbers and we said our good-byes. At that time, I was living in Columbus and Ann was living in Cincinnati. I waited five long days before I called her to ask her out on a date. She accepted, and before we knew it, we were in a long distance relationship, traveling back and forth once a week just to spend time with each other. Although it was exhausting, I rather enjoyed all of the traveling. It wasn't long though, before I decided to pack up my stuff and move to Cincy so that I could be with her all of the time.
It's hard to believe that seventeen years have gone by so quickly. We have been married now for fifteen of those years. We have had three houses, different jobs and somehow we found Christ along the way. We now have three beautiful children that I love with all of my heart. It has been the best years of my life.
I wish that I could say the same for my bride. Over the years, I have caused her a lot of emotional pain. I have said things to her that hurt her to the core of her soul. Most of the things that I've said were probably out of my own selfish pride, things that probably made me feel redeemed from my own sinful behavior. I wish that I could go back and take them back, but I can't. I can only work on the future version of me. But, right now my future looks bleak. Not that I have lost my confidence that I can be a better man for wife, but that I may have run out of chances to prove myself. My marriage has suffered a tremendous amount of blows over the past year. I have spent a better part of that year receiving counsel in hopes of becoming the man that God designed me to be, which in return, would rescue my marriage. It has been an incredible year of growth and of struggle. Each day started off with new hope, but at day's end, all of pain and distance felt so obvious.
I believe that I am a new man. A man who is passionate for Christ. A man who is passionate for his bride and for his family. A man who has developed strong friendships with other brothers in Christ. And yet, a man who is still flesh and stuck in the ways of this world. It seems no matter how much I grow and change, the same old me rears his ugly head and finds a way to destroy everything that is good. Sometimes, I really hate the"old me".
The friendships that I have developed with other Christian men have been vital to me. They are my brothers and my church. They pray for me and I do the same for them. They accept me for who I am, good and bad. These brothers have saved my life numerous times and allowed me to do the same for them. I believe that God divinely appoints people to other people. These brothers of mine have all been part of that Holy system. Most of these guys are currently divorced or were going though a divorce when I met them. I have learned so much from them and I have been provided the opportunity to pray for them and offer them spiritual advice in their times of trial. I often wondered why I was meeting so many men who were going through divorce though. Was God trying to tell me something? It's funny, when you are called to be the strong one, you think that you are doing good for someone else when in reality, these people might have very well been placed in your life to offer you something. Job 4:1-6 speaks on this: Then Eliphaz from Teman spoke up, "Would you mind if I said something to you? Under the circumstances it's hard to keep quiet. You yourself have done this plenty of times, spoken words that clarify, encouraged those who were about to quit. Your words have put stumbling people on their feet, put fresh hope in people about to collapse. But now you're the one in trouble—you're hurting! You've been hit hard and you're reeling from the blow. But shouldn't your devout life give you confidence now? Shouldn't your exemplary life give you hope?" I offered these men hope and showed them that God cares for them, and when the tables were turned and my faith was tested, I found myself not living by the same standards that I offered to these brothers of mine. Nothing like a dose of Job to set you straight.
A wise friend recently reminded me that a woman is like a flower. When God introduces that woman to a man, the man is offered a seed. It is his responsibility to provide for and nurture that seed so that it can grow to become the beautiful flower that God intended her to be. I have to admit that I suck at growing things. Usually, when I purchase a plant, I stick it in the ground and surround it with whatever clay or dirt that I dug up, and then I over douse it with water so that I won't have to feed it later. This is exactly what I have done to Ann. I didn't feed or nurture her. I failed at speaking into her life and I have not inspired her at all lately. How can a man present his wife as pure and spotless before God (Ephesians 5:27) if he has not taken care of her?
Men, we are called to serve endlessly. That is one of the hardest things to do - to serve without putting our own selfish needs first. Jesus spent His life performing miracles and serving people and most of the people that He served turned their backs to Him. He never wavered though, and He never quit. He continued to do so even until that last breath was taken on the Cross. No one is going to perfect on this, it's just not in our power to. We are all of the flesh. We are all sinners. But, we have all been set free so that we might live our lives trying to do what Jesus came to show us to do. I will never give up trying to serve my wife, and that means whether she is with or without me. When we serve our wives and when we serve one another, we are serving God (Matthew 25:40)! That should be our ultimate goal. That is where our reward will come from.
Please know, that I am not sharing this story to whine or complain about my current situation. I certainly am not grieving, yet. I don't want people to feel sympathetic for me. As a follower of Christ, I want to share my life experiences to be an example of how I glorify God, in the good and the bad times (Job 2:10). I will never stop being His disciple. I will never stop chasing after my heavenly Father. I will never stop serving and loving my wife!

Prayer: "Father, I pray for those who are experiencing dark times in their marriage. I lift them up and ask that You begin a healing process with them. Offer them discernment and wisdom. Lord, please remind the men how to serve and how to avoid being selfish. I pray for a hedge of protection over these couples, that You provide a wall of security for them. The enemy comes to steal and destroy Your work O' Lord, and that begins with marriages. May these couples acknowledge that and rebuke satan, in your name Jesus! There is Victory in You God! I thank you for everything that You have done in my life! In Jesus' name, AMEN!"

Peace!

12 Days of Christmas

The Meaning Behind The Song

The twelve days of Christmas are the twelve days between Christmas Day, Dec. 25th, the birth of Jesus, and the Epiphany, Jan. 6th, the day Christians celebrate the arrival of the Magi (Wise Men) and the revelation of Christ as the light of the world.
The Christmas song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" may sound silly and contrived to many of us. But it actually had its origins in religious symbolism - and with a serious purpose.
It dates from a time of religious persecution. The song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," was written as a kind of secret catechism that could be sung in public without fear of arrest - a learning or memory aid to Christians in fact.
The song can be taken at two levels of interpretation - the surface meaning, or the hidden meaning known only to the Christians involved. Each element is a code word for a religious truth.

1. The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus.
2. The two turtledoves are the Old and New Testaments.
3. Three French hens stand for faith, hope and love.
4. The four calling birds are the four Gospels.
5. The five gold rings recall the Hebrew Torah (Law), or the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament.
6. The six geese a-laying stand for the six days of creation.
7. The seven swans a-swimming represent the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit.
8. The eight maids a-milking are the eight Beatitudes.
9. Nine ladies dancing are the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit.
10. The ten lords a-leaping are the Ten Commandments.
11. Eleven pipers piping represent the eleven faithful Apostles.
12. Twelve drummers drumming symbolize the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles Creed.

* The "true love" in the song refers to God Himself.
* The "me" receiving the gifts is every Christian.

Peace!

Poetic Melody

Sometimes I cannot forgive,
And these days mercy cuts so deep.
If the world was how it should be,
Maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces lighter.
When we wake, we hate our brother,
We still move to hurt each other.
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing.
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder,
We all feel the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded,
That the pain is worth the thunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip,
I wonder what to make of Heaven.
All the times I thought to reach up,
All the times I had to give.
All the wounds that money causes.
All the comforts of cathedrals.
All the cries of thirsty children.
This is our inheritance.

- Jars Of Clay

Who Am I To . . . ?

I haven't blogged in a while because of a season of stress and lack of obedience. Once again, I am at a point in my life where I am taking another long hard look in the mirror, asking myself, "Am I the man that I want to be?"
I have been examining everything that is going on in my life and realizing how dependent on God that I really am. Our house has been on the market now for over a year and a half, and still, not one offer has come in. I am in the process of officially starting my business, but feel that it is going to fail. I have been connecting with men outside of the church, listening to their stories, and inviting them to my home to be a part of a group of men who will worship God, but no one shows up. I have quit going to church because I struggle with it's leadership and I feel like God is leading me to a new church as my home. I have been fighting to save my marriage, but feel like I am losing the battle most of the time. All of this I could swear that I heard God ask me, no . . . Tell me to do. I accepted the challenges and answered His call on all of these. I started off faithful, believing that He would be active in all of these, but it has all been going on for so long now, that I am starting to lose my faith.
And so the question arises, "Who am I to deny God?" Who am I to say that God can't bring a buyer for this home? Who am I to say that my business can't succeed? Who am I to decide to stop inviting men into my home to worship God? Who am I to say that my marriage can't be saved? If I am a believer in God, the One who has a plan for my life, who has asked me to do these things for Him, then I have no right to say that these things can't be done.
John 3:16-18 says, "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him." As followers, we have to trust and expect God to work in our lives, and not by our standards or conditions, but simply because He created us to do so.

Peace!

Temptation

James 1:13-15 says, When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
Read that again, this time out loud. Now take a moment to process what this is saying. How many of us pass blame on our weakness? When we fall to temptation, who do we ultimately accuse? Every time I give in to sin, I immediately start looking for someone or something to accuse for my problems. I often ask God why He puts me in situations that He knows I am weak at. Truth is, it is my fault. I am the one who allows myself to be tempted by my own sinful desire. If I were an alcoholic, would going to social gatherings where alcohol is served be a wise choice? If my struggle was with lust of the flesh, would looking at porn be the right thing to do? If I worshiped money so much that I overworked myself to gain as much as possible be healthy? These are all circumstances that we allow our desires to control. The best advice would be to simply not put ourselves in conditions where we will be tempted. That's easier said than done though.
Whenever I am feeling the pressures of temptation, the first thing that I try to do is to get alone with God, pick up the Word and read what scripture has to say about the situation. And if I don't have a Bible available and am unable to get alone at the moment, I just simply close my eyes and pray, no matter how weird it looks to others who may be watching. For some, doing this might bring feelings of guilt. God does not want us to live in guilt, that is called condemnation, and that my friends comes from the enemy. God convicts us in our guilt (sins) and asks us what we have learned from it so that we can move on and grow from it.
Remember, God cannot be tempted! He is the ultimate example of strength. He gives us authority to be strong. In moments of weakness, we are called to lean and rely on Him. Once we make this a habit, our temptations will be easier to overcome. There will always be temptation as long as there is an enemy to throw it at us. We owe it to ourselves to be warriors for God and to fight the Good fight.

Peace!

Opportunity

I was thinking about some of the choices that I have made in the past in situations where I felt God was asking me to do something for Him. Some of the things that He has asked me to do did not make any sense at the time. For example: all my life, I dreamed of becoming an architect. I went to school, received a degree, accepted a job with a great architectural firm and started a career in something that I thought I had a passion for. At about the same time, I became a follower of Christ and my wife and I were about to bring our second child into the world. It wasn't long after Eleana was born when Ann and I pondered the thought of me being the stay at home parent. We prayed about it together and both of us felt strongly that God was calling me to do this. It didn't really make sense to me, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to do something for God.
When God asks us to do something for Him, everything in us tries to understand why. Why me? What if I fail? What do I get out of it? All of these questions rise up and bet God asks; why not you? What if you don't fail? What won't you get out of it? Our plans always seem to contradict God's plans for us. His plans trump ours. When He is calling us to do something for Him, He is providing us with the opportunity to do something great for His Kingdom. When we pray, "Your will be done, Your kingdom come", that is exactly what we are getting, a chance to be part of something divine.
I believe that our prayers can be very selfish. When we pray and ask for things such as, patience, strength or courage, do you think God just gives us these abilities? Maybe He does, but I believe that He would rather give us the opportunities to be these things so that we can grow and mature in them as we live them out. Let me share this. This past summer, I was driving and I saw an older lady out in her yard doing what appeared to be some pretty labor intensive work, especially for someone of her age and her condition. It was very hot and humid, and she looked frustrated. As I passed her up, I began to pray that God would provide someone to help her. I immediately heard, "Why don't you help her Nick?" "But", "what if", and "I can't because", were all things that rattled around in my brain, but I knew that they were just excuses because I was afraid that I would get rejected or I would fail God. He was giving me the opportunity to do something awesome and meaningful. I prayed about it for a couple weeks and then I decided to take a baby step. I wrote that lady a letter, offering my help and service to her. She responded with a hand written letter saying that she really appreciated the offer, but she rather enjoys doing yard work because it is good exercise for her. Her name is Edna and she is 94 years old. She thanked for being a good Christian man and asked me to stay in touch. The funny thing is, I didn't mention anything about being Christian in my letter to her. Maybe God told her about me. All I know is that I am glad that I took the chance.
Maybe God has been calling you to do something. What do you feel like that calling is? Are you afraid to take the chance of a lifetime? With or without you, His Will be done and His Kingdom will come, so why not get on board and be a part of something divine.

Peace!

The Woman Is Wise

We have all heard the saying, "Behind every good man, there is a great woman". While some may find this hard to be true, I believe it defines my wife. Ann has always spoken truth into to me. She has always believed in me even when I found it impossible to believe in myself.
So many times in my life I have heard people tell me, "Nick, you'll never be this or that", but not from Ann. For the most part, I have always relied on her wisdom and truth that had inspired me to believe in myself. So many times though, I have let the lies overcome me and blot out her truth. I have let my own pride get in the way of receiving true wisdom, not only from her, but from God as well. I believe that God knows when my pride is going to flare up, so He uses Ann to speak His truth to me, which can only strengthen Ann even more because she allows God to work through her to get to me. Now that is a wise woman!
The Bible is full of stories that testifies to the wisdom of women. The story of Abigail, found in 1 Samuel 25, is a great example of a woman's wisdom that saved the very life of her husband. Abigail was married to Nabal who was a mean and wicked man. King David and six hundred of his men had been watching over Nabal's property. David heard that Nabal was shearing sheep, so he sent his messengers to request some meat for his men. Nabal denied even knowing who David was and hurled insults at his messengers. The messengers returned to David with the bad news and this angered David, so he gathered four hundred of his men to go with him to kill Nabal. Abigail heard of this and immediately grabbed some wine, bread, sheep and some other supplies and secretly took it to David. When she arrived, she bowed at David's feet and asked for forgiveness for her husband. David's response was this, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request." (1 Samuel 25:32-35). Of course, ten days later, Abigail told Nabal what had happened and he suffered a heart attack and died, which allowed David to take Abigail as his wife.
Abigail was not only wise but also brave. I believe my wife would have done the same for me, and probably has saved my life at some point during our relationship. Last November, we had an argument that could have ended our marriage. I really don't remember what the argument was about. The one thing that I do remember is when she said that she doesn't know if she loves me any more. Those words alone could end it for most. I received them. I let them sink in. I took those words and some other things that we had talked about, and began to take a long hard look at myself. I discovered that I was not being a good man to her; I was a Nabal. I decided to go to a counselor and receive help in sorting out past issues of my life that had made me the man that I was being. It was hard and very painful, and sometimes it still is. But I was destined to fix myself to become the man that she needed me to be, and most of all, the man that God designed me to be. Ann's bravery to make a stand and to share those hard words with me could have wrecked me, instead, she saved my life.
I'm still struggling with being that man that I set out to be, but where there is struggle there is growth. My focus needs to be on God and what He wants for me, but I sometimes lose sight of that and make mistakes. God has put a powerful and wise woman in my life and I have to learn how to benefit from that.
"Behind every good man, there is a great woman". Brothers, do you consider yourself a good man? If married, do you believe your wife is wise? If so, can you accredit her wisdom to some of your success? What wise advice have you denied to receive? Just some things to think about in your search for wisdom.

My wonderful and truly wise bride.

Peace!