Sneak Attack

Last night, we went to our church's Easter celebration which included a free dinner, an egg hunt for the kids, and great worship. About halfway through the message, I started feeling nauseous. I was already feeling really exhausted from all of my days activities. I worked out, mowed the lawn, spread the mulch, washed my car, grouted the tile back splash and installed the sink in the kitchen that I am putting in the basement. I missed two meals by the time we went to church and didn't even get my afternoon nap. I was running on fumes and hoping that some good food and community with my church family would bring me back to life. Instead, quite the opposite. I let my defenses down and the enemy snuck in. You see, that's what he does. He lurks in the shadows of your life and at the right moment, he attacks. I didn't even realize it was happening until this morning. I thought that I was just feeling sick last night because of my fatigue and the food that I ate (no offense Ryan). I am sure that had something to do with it, but what a perfect time for a sneak attack. Things felt pretty normal this morning. I woke up feeling a little rested, watched the kids search for their Easter baskets, had breakfast...so far so good. Wrong! Like the male idiot that I am, I made huge mistake commenting on what my wife was wearing for the day (jeans and a t-shirt). That's when everything went south and before we knew it, we were in a huge argument. What a great way to celebrate Easter Sunday. Yes, the enemy does attack you at church, and Yes, he can even attack you on Easter. He will stop at nothing to tear you apart from Jesus. And why not pick on my main weakness. Image. How I see myself and how everyone else sees me is a big one for me. I in turn put that burden on my wife, Ann. I think she should dress a certain way, or look a certain way in order to please me. That's not how it should be. I should love her unconditionally. So, there I was this morning, standing there like a cartoon character. On one shoulder I have an angel trying to help me refrain from my harmful actions, and on the other shoulder is the lowlife himself, satan (spell checker suggests that this be capitalized, not!), whispering his crap to me, feeding me negative thoughts, and taunting me. My defenses are down, anger overcomes me and without even thinking, I say the first stupid thing that comes to mind. " You are a slob". By now, I've probably lost half of my female audience. So be it. I deserve it. But this is where it gets good. This is where Christ overcomes and wins yet another battle. We sat down and slowly and more rationally worked things out. We talked about our desires for each other. We talked about what we need to feel wanted. Ann used the analogy of the blossoming flower. If you feed it and nurture it, then it blooms. If you stick it in the shadows and neglect it, it dies. Somewhere along my walk with Christ, He shared this with me. But as time went by, I began to take things for granted and had forgotten all about it. I figured that if she wasn't nurturing me, then why should I bother. That's not what Christ expects from us. That is letting the enemy get a foot hold. And once he has that foot hold, he will always nag at it and use it to his advantage to take you down. We finished our conversation and resolved to try harder at nurturing each other. There is still a lot of work to do. Feelings and trust just don't fix themselves. It takes time. I know that somewhere down the road, I'll say something stupid again. I'm a guy and that's what we do. But a real man owns up to his actions and seeks forgiveness and will stop at nothing to love his wife the way that she deserves to be loved. I LOVE YOU ANN and hope that someday you can forgive me! Christ wins again! Happy Easter - The tomb is empty!