Have you ever felt like you are holding on to things too tightly? Afraid to let go, because then you would lose control? Lately, I have been enjoying some quiet time in the early hours of the morning. During that time, I like to read the Bible or what ever book I am currently on, meditate, or pray. This morning, as I was just sitting and being still, I heard God say "Let go". Of what, I was wondering. I don't have anything to let go of. And then I began to wonder. What in my life has been a current theme for me? And then it hit me. WORRY. I worry too much. I asked God to reveal all of my worries.
1. I am worried about my trip to Honduras. It finally hit me this week, that I am about to embark on a trip that will change my life...and I am actually worried about it. How will Ann get by without me? Who will take care of all of my duties? What if something happens to me?
2. I have been worrying way too much about our high mortgage payment. We have a lot of nice stuff, but every month we somehow just manage to break even. No saving. Minimal tithing. Wishing I had more to give.
3. My kids place in life. I often worry about my kids well being and if they will be Godly figures for their piers to look up to. We live in a very "stuffy" neighborhood, on an extremely "stuffy" street that doesn't have a lot of kids to play with. Our kids live a very sheltered life and I feel like it's all my fault because I put them here.
4. For the past year and a half, I have been working on finishing our basement. When I ever a project takes that long, it causes anxiety in me which leads to worry.
These are the main stresses in my life. I feel like I can control them or fix them. I hold on with all of my might, because if I do let go, then I will lose control. What if? What if I did let go? What if I trusted God? Well, in about 5 days, my world is going to fall apart. That is when I will be leaving for Honduras. I will lose control over everything I do. I think God has to take us apart sometimes so He can get rid of the junk and rebuild us the way He wants to. This is where the trust comes in. I have to trust in Him and allow Him to control the things that cause me to worry. This is going to be hard, but I think it is will be worth the effort.
1 comment:
God's going to do some great things with you in Hondouras Nick! He will take care of your wife and kids while you're gone. Trust and faith....something we have so much trouble granting. At least I do. I can't wait to hear from you when you get back. You'll be in my prayers.
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