Slobs

I was thinking about the "neat and tidy" image that I have created for myself. Growing up, I had the same requests from my parents as most kids: "Nick, is your bed made? Is your room clean"? I don't remember really being a "messy" person. In fact, I think I rather enjoyed cleaning. In high school, I even took a job with a local cleaning company to clean office buildings after hours, and I helped my neighbor to wash and detail cars on the weekends. Cleaning up was fun to me.

This ritual continued in my life through the years. I can safely say that it became an obsession. I remember hanging out with some of Air Force buddies in my dorm room and we were rocking out to some music when one of my friends went over to crank the decibels up even more and I told him to use his knuckles because I didn't want fingerprints left on my stereo controls. How sick is that? If we partied it up one evening, I would still wake up at the crack of dawn to clean up the mess that we had created. The sound of a vacuum at 7 o'clock in the morning, on a Saturday no less, really ticked my room mate off since he was hung over and just wanted to sleep in.

The obsession of being neat and tidy and in control has been a part of my entire adult life. It has become ingrained in me. Somehow, I think that if I can show how perfectly clean I am on the outside, then people will think that I have my life in order. They won't see the slob that I really am on the inside. They won't see the "messed up" stuff about me. My cleanliness has become a security blanket, and that same blanket covers up all of junk.

Recently, I have had my blanket torn away from me, leaving me exposed and naked, and busted in my messiness. My struggles with pornography - exposed. My struggles with pride - exposed. My struggles with control - exposed. Even my identity as who I am as a man - exposed. Things that I have been hiding for all of these years, no longer hidden under a blanket. All out there for everyone to see, and leaving me for the slob that I really am.

My good friend and mentor, Greg Hunter, once told me: "Nick, we're all slobs, you just don't know it yet". There is nothing better than having an older, wiser friend in your life to walk with you and share their experiences. I never really knew what Greg meant about that statement until God called me out on this. At the time, I really thought that he meant that I should stop vacuuming my living room so much.

I like the saying that we have at our church. "Come as you are, all are welcome". This means that we are all the same here. We are all messed up. If someone new comes to our church and thinks, "Finally, a perfect church. This is the place for me". They are in for a big surprise because it's not perfect. In fact, that same person messed it up a little bit more by thinking that when they got there.

The thing that I like most about our church is the grace given to those who fall short, which would be me. I am constantly saying or doing stupid things that hurt people in my church family. But there is grace, and for that I am most thankful. This is a learning experience for all of us, from now until the day Jesus returns. My struggle is extending that same grace when someone does not meet "my expectations", and my hope and my goal is to get better at extending it.

I can't wait to sell this house that we live in. I'm tired of living in it's perfectness, and even the neighborhood that it dwells in. I have failed in this arena. I think that God wanted us to be here to be an example to our neighbors, instead of standing out, I conformed. I tried to hide in it. I tried to pull my blanket back over my head. I fell into those false feelings of trying to hide all of my crap in the beauty and gaudiness of my perfect house. At first, I really enjoyed inviting people in to our home so they can see how everything was in order. I enjoyed cleaning over 3,000 square feet to impress them. It was all an effortless lie! Now my quest is to live as messy as I can. I want to let the kids build forts or drink fruit punch in the living room. I want to forget to make my bed every now and then. I want to be free of this control. I can't wait to see how messy I (we) can be in our next house and more importantly, in life.

Are you messy? Are you a slob? Or do you hide in your "cleanliness"?

Peace!