Bachelor Party With Atomic Food

We took our good friend, Steve "I'm undignified" Nixon, to Quaker Steak & Lube for his bachelor party celebration. In my opinion, this is how a bachelor should celebrate his last days of being single; good friends, good food, good beer, good conversation and NO STRIPPERS!

This was only my second visit to this restaurant. My first was with my family and we really liked it. The atmosphere is man heaven. The theme is a rehabbed garage with cars and motorcycles everywhere and there is a ton of race memorabilia.

And then there is the menu. This is not a health food establishment. Nothing but good old fashioned American cuisine. Quaker Steak & Lube is known for their hot wings. The options are endless and the heat can't be beat. Since this was my second visit, I decided to go a little higher on the heat chart. I ordered the Arizona Ranch wings which are listed at 2,050 SHU (Scoville Heat Unit). So, what is SHU? It is the number of units of water that it takes to make a unit of chile pepper lose all traces of heat (0-999 is mild, 1,000-2,999 is medium, 3,000-29,999 is hot, and anything above 30,000 is insane).

Of course, this was a table of men. Our manhood needed to be tested. Our threshold for pain had to be challenged. So, I ordered a cup of the ATOMIC sauce which is listed at 150,000 SHU. Normally, you have to sign a release form when ordering the ATOMIC wings but our waitress was able to supply us with a cup of the liquid death without doing so. She placed the sauce in front of me and even the aroma of it could burn the nostril hairs. I lifted the cup and offered one hundred bucks to anyone who would chug it. They ignored me and all took a turn dunking the tip of a french fry into the spicy concoction. I watched them as they the chewed on the scorched potato, and payed close attention to their facial reactions. Like the man (dork) that I am, I took a drumstick and smothered it with the sauce. I chewed the meat off as quick as I could trying to get everything past my taste-buds. The sauce has a slow heat which is very deceiving. At first, I looked at the guys with the "I'm the man" look, and then it began to hit me. The back of my tongue felt like it had an actual flame on it and that continued down through my throat. My eyes began to flush and my sinuses were relieved of all mucus. And then the sweating began. It doesn't take much for me to break a sweat and this sauce made it look as if there was a storm cloud above my head. I was soaked down to the neckline of my shirt. The pain lasted for about thirty minutes, but I knew that wouldn't be the end of it. I still had to get this crap out of my system.

ATOMIC HOT WINGS WITH A SIDE OF JALAPENOS TO COOL THE PALATE.