Best Day & Worst Day

Best Day: It was Sunday, September 4th, 1994. I had purchased a beautiful diamond engagement ring a few weeks before the Labor Day weekend and the plan was to ask Ann to marry me while we were downtown for the holiday fireworks. I carried that ring around all day, in it's case, stuffed in my sock on that hot September day. Between not having the courage to pop the question in front of thousands of people and the thought of knowing how stinky the case would be after pulling it out of my sweaty sock, I just couldn't propose to her. I waited until we returned home that evening and right there in the middle of our cozy one bedroom apartment, I got down on one knee and asked Ann Lauer to be my bride. That was my best day ever.

Worst Day: After 14 years of marriage, Ann and I have had our share of hard times. Last November, on Thanksgiving Eve, we were in the midst of yet another conflict. Accusations were thrown, and stupid things were said and then I heard the words that crushed my heart, "I don't know if I love you anymore." It has been 10 months since I have heard those words and I don't think that my heart has yet fully healed. But, I have received counsel, hard work has been done, some trust has grown back and healing is taking it's course. I have grown and learned a lot about myself and my wife over the past 10 months, and I still have a lot of work to do that lies ahead. I have been in the fight of my life, a fight for my marriage. That day before thanksgiving was my worst day ever, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. If Ann had not said what she said, I would have not have fully surrendered to God and allowed Him to do the work that needed to be done in my life to mold me into the man that I needed to be; the man that my wife deserved. In fact, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be divorced right now and still living a self-destructive, prideful and over controlling life. Thank you my bride!

What are your best and worst days?

Peace!

Time For Healing

I am addicted to exercise and to testing how far I can push myself. I have been working out now for almost 27 years and I think I push myself harder now than I used to back in the day. Something inside of me just doesn't agree that age should slow me down.
Of course, with all of the exercise that I do, comes my fair share of aches and pains. I can't remember a day that some part of my body hasn't hurt, and I have experienced some pretty bad injuries along the way as well. It doesn't matter if you are in your twenties or fifties, if you exercise, train hard or push your body to it's limit, you will feel pain. Sooner or later, you will hurt something along the way. Hurt is inevitable; in the gym, in competitions and in life.
I remember a time when I was in my twenties, a lot of people would say to me, "Just wait until you are in your thirties Nick, you'll slow down". My thirties came and went and now I am forty years old and people still say the same things to me. Most of the guys in the gym don't believe me when I tell them how old I am. They all say that I look like I am in my twenties, and I have to be honest, I feel better now than when I was in my twenties.
The thing that I have learned most, with all of my aches and pains and injuries along the way, is how to heal. Healing is vital. Being out of commission can be a great struggle for a lot of people. It means that you can't do what you once did and that is a hard thing to swallow if you are custom to constantly pushing yourself. For me, it means weeks, if not months of training just to get back to the level of exercise that I was at prior to the injury. That sucks! But if I choose to let myself heal properly, then I am also allowing myself to grow stronger. It also gives me the time to learn from my mistakes that led me to the injury. I can do things to help speed up the healing process, but ultimately the body's healing capability will take as long as it needs to on it's terms. Time itself is the best healer.
Healing has a purpose. It repairs what has been broken. I know people who have ignored their pains and tried to continue to push their selves at the same level of exercise. That can only make matters worse, at the gym and in life as well.
If I had to choose between a broken heart and a hurt knee, I would take the knee easily. I have hurt my knee multiple times lifting too much weight and I know how long my body will take to heal it now. I hate it when my heart gets broken simply because it doesn't happen that often. But when it does, it feels like it will never be the same. The pain of not knowing how long it will take to heal makes it feel like it is not even worth it to allow it to heal. But with proper healing, anything can be stronger than what it was before.
Pain doesn't have to last forever, we just need to allow the healing process to take it's place.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

Peace!

Something To Do

Tuesday morning started off just like any other Tuesday this week; get up, wake the kids up, make breakfast, pack lunch, prepare backpacks and get kids off to school. The morning ritual happens between 6:30 and 8:30. I walked home from the bus stop and began to wonder what I was going to do today. That's when it hit me. I had nothing to do.
I have spent the past three weeks, of this new school season, creating ways to get my business advertised. I created my own website from a blog, posted ads in local business magazines, handed cards out and by word of mouth. I know that this is going to be a long process and I shouldn't expect things to happen overnight, but I slipped into panic mode. "What if this doesn't work out?" and "How long is this going to take?" were questions that began to consume my mind. I have had all summer to prepare for this. I knew that my days as a stay-at-home dad would soon be coming to an end as my youngest was about to begin his adventure as a first grader. I thought I would be ready, but this Tuesday proved to me that I wasn't.
I took care of a few things that needed tending to around the house and that only lasted a couple of hours. As I sat down for a moment to take a rest, the boredom and loneliness began to set in. To me, that is a very dangerous place. That is a place where old habits rear their dark heads. I started to feel hurt as I was missing the company of my little boy that I have spent so many mornings with for the past several years. I felt lazy and weak, and a huge feeling of worthlessness came over me as a man without work or purpose might feel. I turned on the t.v. and began to watch some old sitcoms and I drifted off to sleep.
I think God spoke to me as I lay there napping on the couch. He was trying to comfort me and strengthen me at the same time. I know that He wants what is best for me and that it hurts Him when I am struggling with sins of the past. My mind was a battlefield. A war was going on between God's Love and Passion for me and the enemies lies of temptation. Still, I lay there motionless in a half state of sleep, fully aware of my thoughts and surroundings. That's when I began to pray, "God, please give me something to do."
I went to bed that evening saying the same prayer. I woke up the next morning, again, repeating that prayer. As I went through my day, I tried to keep myself busy to protect myself from boredom. I kept saying that prayer over and over in my head. I went to the gym to get some exercise which is really important to keep not only my body in condition, but my mind as well. I kind of went through the motions of my exercise routine because I had a headache and ultimately did not feel like being there. Those can be the best sessions because I am pushing myself through it. I finished my workout and then I ran into Pat. He is a guy that I have blogged about before ("At The Gym"). I value our conversations a lot these days because they are God focused and it gives me an opportunity to speak about what God is doing in my life. Pat shares his stories as well and I always leave there thinking about and praying for that guy.
As I walked to my car, I began to wonder, "now what"? I got into my car and began making phone calls to guys who are close to me to ask for prayer and wisdom. My phone rang, and I answered. It was a lady requesting some work from me. Out of the blue, my prayer was answered. God was giving me something to do. It's not much, just a car detailing job, but it's enough and I believe it's a start. I believe that God will provide for me as long as I am humble, honest and patient with Him. As long as I seek Him in everything that I do, then He will reveal Himself. Luke 11:9 says, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" (New International Version).

My prayer is that God will provide for you. That he will keep you from being bored and that His company will keep you from feeling lonely. I pray that walls of pride and stubbornness come down so that you too can humbly ask Him for what you want.

Peace!

Redlegs

It was about four years ago when I received two tickets to a Red's game as a gift from my wife on Father's Day. I have been and avid fan and follower of the Red's since the day that I used those tickets and took my son Dominick to that ball game. There is something special about being at a ball game when it's just a father and son moment.
Last night, I took the whole family down to watch the Redlegs play the Pittsburgh Pirates in the second of a three game series. They beat the Pirates the night before with the bases loaded and no outs in the bottom of the 12th, when Jonny Gomes hit a broken-bat grounder to Ronny Cedeno. The shortstop scooped it up and went home with a throw that was a little short but playable. Catcher Chris Snyder dropped the ball for an error as Chris Heisey scored the go-ahead run.
Last night's thriller would prove to be no different as the Red's, Joey Votto, delivered his first career walk-off homer in extra innings as well.

Here are some pics of last night's action.

An Ohio based Navy Seals Unit, just back from Afghanistan, secured the pitcher's mound and delivered the game ball.

The Cuban Missle, Aroldis Chapman, wears the infamous pink backpack on his way to the dugout.

Taste of Heaven: Perfect late summer evening, Cincinnati skyline and the Cincinnati Reds.

Great American Ball Park scoreboard at the top of the first.

Right fielder, Miguel Cairo, fields a hit.

Anthony being himself and Ann on her iphone in the background.

Eleana having a good time sitting next to her daddy at a ball game.

Peace!

Nine11

Chief John Jonas was on the 27th floor in stairwell B of the north tower when he received word that the south tower had collapsed. As a fireman, everything in him told him to continue on. His instinct told him opposite. As he and five other members of Ladder Company 6 approached the 28th floor, the chief made the decision to head back down and get out of the north tower. On about the 20th floor, they ran into Josephine Harris, a heavyset, 59-year-old bookkeeper who had worked at the Port Authority for six months. Josephine had already made it down 50 floors when her leg, injured from a previous accident, had given out. As firefighter, Billy Butler, bent over to assist Josephine, he looked up at Jonas and asked, "What do you want to do with her, Cap?" “We got to bring her with us,” he told his company. By that point, Harris could barely stand. Butler, short, barrel-chested, the company’s strongest man, put her arm over his shoulder. The company’s pace slowed to Harris’s. They had made it to the 5th floor when Harris decided she could go no further. Chief Jonas went to look for a chair to carry Harris the rest of the way down on when he ran into Port Authority officer David Lim. They could not find a chair so David Lim placed his arm around Harris to help carry her to the 4th floor. That's when they felt the wind. As the north tower began to collapse some 60 floors above them, wind began to blast downwards through the stairwell caused by each floor pancaking down on top of each other. Within 8 seconds, the tower disintegrated into a massive pile of rubble that completely surrounded a salvaged portion of stairwell B that still had 16 survivors trapped inside. Jonas recalls thinking, "I can't believe this is how I am going to die". After the pitch blackness of the dust had settled, he realized he was still alive, along with David Lim and his five firefighters, Mike Meldrum, Matt Komorowski, Billy Butler, Tom Falco and Sal D'Agostino; and of course Josephine Harris, in which they now refer to as their guardian angel.

Father God, may Your Holy Spirit continue to rest upon those who were left to carry the burden of the loss of a loved one. May they know that You are still in control and that all things that happen, good and bad, are covered by Your mercy and grace. And thank You God, for the heroes of that day, the ones that died saving lives and the ones that survived. Thank You for the men and women that serve around the world in their continuing efforts to push back and defeat the darkness of evil. In Jesus, Amen.

Pain

I just wanted to share a quick story that my good friend, Jody Burgin, wrote in one of his devotions. This story is awesome and very inspirational. Please read it and enjoy.

For twenty years, the great French artist Renoir was in great pain and misery. Rheumatism had wracked his body and crippled his fingers. Sometimes, as he held his brush between his thumb and forefinger and slowly and painfully applied his paints to the canvas, great beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead. His suffering often was so great that he cried out in pain as he painted. He could not stand up to paint, so he was placed in a chair that was raised up and down to give him access to the upper and lower parts of his canvas. Sometimes a doctor gave him sedatives, but the suffering was hardly touched.

Yet Renoir was diligent, painting in pain great masterpieces of beauty and enchantment. One day his disciple Matisse pleaded with him, "Master, why do you do more? Why torture yourself?"

Gazing at one of his favorite canvasses, Renoir replied, "The pain passes, but the beauty remains."

What a wonderful motto this is for breakthrough living. We have gone through great pain and suffering, but it has passed; it is over and gone. Diligence compels us to accept each task as a special assignment from the Lord and use all my energies to do it quickly and skillfully. The result of our effort, the beauty, the victory, remains.

So much of what we have yet to do will be painful, but the results will last. Our pain can energize us and stimulate us to diligently move on and move away from our suffering. Whatever it does, our pain indicates that we are alive and sensitive, not numb and senseless - or dead.

O Christ, keep me painting, doing, working, living in spite of the pain I suffer. Amen.

That last line says it all: Whatever it does, our pain indicates that we are alive and sensitive, not numb and senseless - or dead. Anybody who knows me at all, knows that I have always said, "I like pain because it reminds me that I am alive!" If you are experiencing pain in any aspect of your life, I challenge you to lift it up to God and examine how much you feel alive when He begins to deliver you from it.

Peace!

Drought

Have you ever felt like your life is in a drought or you are lost in the wilderness without God? That is what I have been experiencing for quite some time now. I was reading my daily passages on Biblegateway.com a couple of weeks ago when a book advertisement popped up on one of the side bars of the web site. "The Land Between", by Jeff Manion is a book about all of life's unwanted transitions, (unemployment, foreclosure, illness, family crisis, etc.), and how to apply God's teaching to deal with them.

In the book of Exodus, God leads Moses and the Israelites into the desert to escape from Egypt. God promised Moses a land of their own, "filled with milk and honey". But in order to get there, they would have to endure the desert. The desert is the middle space, the land between two desirable places. Behind them was Egypt, a land filled with bountiful meals and riches, but in order to receive it you had to live under the Pharaoh as a slave. The land ahead was the promised land, the land full of milk and honey, the land that God promised to Moses and the Israelites.
Jeff Manion uses the book of Exodus as an example that compares to our droughts. In life, there will always be trials and crisis. We never know when it will happen, but it does and most times we will not be prepared for it. No one is exempt from crisis. The question is, "How will we deal with it when it hits"? The Israelites chose to whine and complain against God. This left Moses in a very uncomfortable position. Not only was he stuck in the desert, but he had to put up with the whiny Israelites as well.
In my desert place, I have been trying to trust and rely on God. I have never prayed as much as I do now until I got caught in this drought. I have even been whiny at times, questioning God's Word and His promise to me. I don't think God likes it when we whine and I'm willing to bet that He ignores us at those times, just like when we ignore our children when they are whining about something. On the other hand, I am willing to bet that when we pray in honesty to Him, He listens to us and wants to help us, even if His help comes in a form that we aren't expecting.
The chapter of this book that hit me the hardest was chapter ten, "The Disciplinarian". Jeff uses this chapter to explain how God had to discipline the Israelites before He could allow them to enter the promised land. In the ongoing complaints that the Israelites were delivering, they began to demand things as well. They were sick of eating manna and they wanted meat. Moses warns them that the promise of meat will be delivered, not just for a day though but for a whole month. "They would have meat until it comes out of their nostrils", is the way it is written in Numbers 11:20. I sometimes wonder if I could eat meat until it fell from my nose. I'm guessing if it did, I probably wouldn't want it any more. The discipline comes in the form of a plague. There was so much meat that most of it went bad. The Israelites were unaware of this and continued to eat the spoiled meat. This eventually led to a lot of upset tummies and even death among their people. Seems kind of harsh that God would supply them with spoiled meat to teach them a lesson for complaining and for being demanding. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there supposed to be consequences when discipline is being administered? Here is the paragraph that hit me the hardest from this chapter:

Sometimes God will give us what we demand and let us take the consequences. This is not because He hates us or has given up on us. As harsh as those consequences may be, they are still under the control of a God who loves us and a God who sees. He sees the big picture. He sees what's coming. He knows the events and challenges for which we need to be prepared. In Hebrews, we read, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (12:11).

My personal example of this is the house that we live in. The house that we said that God opened the door for us to because He wanted to bless us with it. The house that I thought I HAD to have. The house that I thought everybody would admire me for. The house that has been on the market now for a year and a half. The same house that has become my own personal prison. Even now, I am whining and complaining about it. But I have been receiving and continue gratefully to receive my discipline. I believe that I have experienced the most spiritual growth of my life in this past year and a half. I have grown closer to God and continue to rely on Him to keep His word and deliver us from this financial burden. He hears my cries and gives me hope. I pray honestly to Him everyday, and several times throughout the day, and ask Him for His provision. I know God wants the best for me, as He does for all of us, but I cannot receive what He has for me until I totally surrender to Him.
This season of drought will be over soon, only to yield to a new season of trials and tests, but I am remaining patient and my excitement grows every day to see what He has in store for me.
So, what does your desert place look like? Will you allow God to work in it? Will you give thanks for the good and the bad? Just some things to think about while you wander around in the land between.

Peace!