Follower

Inferiority

2011-01-27T05:36:00.002-05:00

I have not blogged for quite some time now because of a situation that I have gotten myself into. I am not ready to discuss any details that pertain to that situation, and with respect to my loved ones, I more than likely will not share it on the internet. Those who are closest to me know the position that I am in, and I am thankful for their love and support.
I have purchased a lot of literature to help me process some of the issues that I am struggling with, and it has been quite helpful. I have begun reading a second book in the matter of a week, and I stumbled across this paragraph about inferiority:

"Here are several truths about you. You are made in the image of God. You have tremendous value. Your abilities are many. You have scores of characteristics that others admire. Certainly you have experienced failure. Who hasn't? But that does not mean you are a failure. You will be a failure only if you choose to fail. On the other hand, if you choose to succeed, nothing, including your feelings of inferiority, can keep you from your goal." (Author name and book withheld)

That paragraph is very powerful and to the point. I can't stress enough, the importance of the first truth; "YOU ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD!" All of my life, I have struggled with failure. I never thought that I meant anything to anybody. I never believed in myself. Even as I have tried to walk with God for the better part of twelve years now, I still did not think that I had anything to offer to a single person. My feelings of inferiority may have a lot to do with my relationship with my family and friends. It is something that I am taking a long, hard look at. Everything in me wants to believe that I have tremendous value, or to know that I am admired for something, but for some reason, that quiet lie sneaks into my head and tells me that I'm not; that I'm a failure. I urge anyone who is struggling with this to get help. Seek advice from friends who are closest to you. Get into the Word (Bible) and stay there. Don't let the lies from the past determine who you are or who you want to be. God loves you and values you more than you can ever imagine. He has a plan for you, and that plan glorifies Him!

YOU ARE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD!

Love and Peace!

Poem: "A REAL MAN"

2010-12-31T08:40:00.002-05:00

I was laying in bed this morning, trying to plan my day, when God inspired me to write this poem.

A Real Man

A real man rises in the morning
and falls to his knees in worship.
He gives thanks for the day
whether it brings joy or hardship.

A real man provides for his family
not only financially but by his spiritual obligation.
He has hope in the Lord
and prays for His Reconciliation.

A real man makes himself vulnerable
knowing that his masculinity will be in question.
He admits his fears and also his wrongs
and he asks for help in his weak conditions.

A real man doesn't have all of the answers
but he continuously prays for God's Wisdom.
He humbly cries out to his God
for it is His Love that we cannot fathom.

I often think about how vulnerable I make myself when I write these blogs. I am the kind of person who worries about what other people's opinions are of me. John the Baptist also practiced making himself vulnerable. He was honest and humble. In John 3:30, he states: "He must become greater; I must become less". There was nothing phony in that statement. John knew who he was in his relation to Jesus and he was not afraid to admit.
I am trying so hard to decrease who I am so that Jesus can increase who He is, and it is one of the hardest, most challenging and soul wrenching things that I have ever done. I am at war with myself, but I have no choice because I am sick of living with my sins. I will always be a sinner, that is just a fact of life, but I gratefully seek and appreciate God's glorious redemption.

Peace!

Learning To Walk

2010-12-28T07:36:00.005-05:00

When an infant is born, he has no ability to do anything except for allowing his own natural body functions to perform. Eating, talking, walking and even playing has to be taught to him, he has to learn how to do everything and he is dependent on his parents to teach him and help him. In a lot of ways, when we are born again to God, we are a lot like that infant. The problem with that is, the older we get, the more we cling to our own understanding and past experiences on how to do things. One of the hardest things to do in life is to totally surrender to God and allow Him to take control of our lives. There is an incredible amount of risk involved when surrendering to God. First of all, there is the unknown. We have no concept of what God's plan is for us, and not knowing how or what to expect can be scary. Second, there is going be to pain, and a lot of it. When we begin the surrendering process, we are going to be asked to let go of stuff that we love, stuff that we hold on to and think that we can't live without. God is asking us to trust Him with that stuff. Just like parents who know what is best for their child, God knows what is best for us.
When an infant learns how to walk for the first time, it can be a very intimidating moment for both the parents and the child. I don't remember what was going through my head as an infant when I was learning to walk, but I'm pretty sure it was nerve racking and exciting at the same time. And, as a parent who was teaching my kids to walk, I pretty much felt the same way. Learning to walk is one of the biggest things to accomplish in early life. It gives us mobility and freedom. It also builds confidence. I remember how proud my kids looked when they all learned how to walk. Sometimes in our life, we can lose our way. We have to learn how to walk again and for us Christians, this means we have to let God teach us how to do so. He knows what the best directions are, what steps to avoid and when we should rest.
Recently, I have been challenged to surrender something that I love with all of my heart. Something that I have been too dependent on and afraid to let go of. I took that step yesterday, of letting go of my control over that thing that I love so much. After a night of pain and realization of what I have done, I woke this morning to God's voice asking me again, "Nick, do you still trust Me"? As I lay there allowing my brain to fully awaken and to catch up to my rambling thoughts, I recognized what He was talking about. He is going to teach me how to walk again. For the past fifteen years, I have forgotten how to walk on my own. I have become selfish and over dependent on the people that I love the most. I once wrote about allowing God to start chiseling away the crap that has caused havoc in my life. I thought that I was almost done with this journey until yesterday. This (hopefully the last) chunk has to be removed so that I cannot only walk, but run at full speed with God.
Surrendering requires patience, trust and faith. There is going to be a tremendous amount of effort on my part over the next several weeks (or months, or years, or however long it takes), but I'm ready for the challenge. It is going to be very painful at times, but my focus is on God. In the end, I believe that I will be a better, more self driven and independent man, and that God will return some of the things that I love.

Job 42:10-17 After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring. The LORD blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. And he also had seven sons and three daughters. The first daughter he named Jemimah, the second Keziah and the third Keren-Happuch. Nowhere in all the land were there found women as beautiful as Job’s daughters, and their father granted them an inheritance along with their brothers. After this, Job lived a hundred and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth generation. And so Job died, an old man and full of years.

I pray that any of you who are going through a difficult storm in life, learn how to lean on God and trust Him through these times. I pray that you are able to fully surrender to Him so that He can teach you how to walk again and be the person that He designed you to be. I pray this in Jesus' name.

Peace!

Journey

2010-12-14T09:17:00.007-05:00

I met Ann (my wife) seventeen years ago, on Halloween night at a techno club in Columbus, Ohio. Just to let you know, this was way before my life as a follower of Christ and, as most young men, I was just living to have a good time. Ann and I danced and drank until the club closed in the early morning hours and then we spent the rest of the morning together at a friends house watching Halloween movies until the sun came up. When the morning came, we exchanged phone numbers and we said our good-byes. At that time, I was living in Columbus and Ann was living in Cincinnati. I waited five long days before I called her to ask her out on a date. She accepted, and before we knew it, we were in a long distance relationship, traveling back and forth once a week just to spend time with each other. Although it was exhausting, I rather enjoyed all of the traveling. It wasn't long though, before I decided to pack up my stuff and move to Cincy so that I could be with her all of the time.
It's hard to believe that seventeen years have gone by so quickly. We have been married now for fifteen of those years. We have had three houses, different jobs and somehow we found Christ along the way. We now have three beautiful children that I love with all of my heart. It has been the best years of my life.
I wish that I could say the same for my bride. Over the years, I have caused her a lot of emotional pain. I have said things to her that hurt her to the core of her soul. Most of the things that I've said were probably out of my own selfish pride, things that probably made me feel redeemed from my own sinful behavior. I wish that I could go back and take them back, but I can't. I can only work on the future version of me. But, right now my future looks bleak. Not that I have lost my confidence that I can be a better man for wife, but that I may have run out of chances to prove myself. My marriage has suffered a tremendous amount of blows over the past year. I have spent a better part of that year receiving counsel in hopes of becoming the man that God designed me to be, which in return, would rescue my marriage. It has been an incredible year of growth and of struggle. Each day started off with new hope, but at day's end, all of pain and distance felt so obvious.
I believe that I am a new man. A man who is passionate for Christ. A man who is passionate for his bride and for his family. A man who has developed strong friendships with other brothers in Christ. And yet, a man who is still flesh and stuck in the ways of this world. It seems no matter how much I grow and change, the same old me rears his ugly head and finds a way to destroy everything that is good. Sometimes, I really hate the"old me".
The friendships that I have developed with other Christian men have been vital to me. They are my brothers and my church. They pray for me and I do the same for them. They accept me for who I am, good and bad. These brothers have saved my life numerous times and allowed me to do the same for them. I believe that God divinely appoints people to other people. These brothers of mine have all been part of that Holy system. Most of these guys are currently divorced or were going though a divorce when I met them. I have learned so much from them and I have been provided the opportunity to pray for them and offer them spiritual advice in their times of trial. I often wondered why I was meeting so many men who were going through divorce though. Was God trying to tell me something? It's funny, when you are called to be the strong one, you think that you are doing good for someone else when in reality, these people might have very well been placed in your life to offer you something. Job 4:1-6 speaks on this: Then Eliphaz from Teman spoke up, "Would you mind if I said something to you? Under the circumstances it's hard to keep quiet. You yourself have done this plenty of times, spoken words that clarify, encouraged those who were about to quit. Your words have put stumbling people on their feet, put fresh hope in people about to collapse. But now you're the one in trouble—you're hurting! You've been hit hard and you're reeling from the blow. But shouldn't your devout life give you confidence now? Shouldn't your exemplary life give you hope?" I offered these men hope and showed them that God cares for them, and when the tables were turned and my faith was tested, I found myself not living by the same standards that I offered to these brothers of mine. Nothing like a dose of Job to set you straight.
A wise friend recently reminded me that a woman is like a flower. When God introduces that woman to a man, the man is offered a seed. It is his responsibility to provide for and nurture that seed so that it can grow to become the beautiful flower that God intended her to be. I have to admit that I suck at growing things. Usually, when I purchase a plant, I stick it in the ground and surround it with whatever clay or dirt that I dug up, and then I over douse it with water so that I won't have to feed it later. This is exactly what I have done to Ann. I didn't feed or nurture her. I failed at speaking into her life and I have not inspired her at all lately. How can a man present his wife as pure and spotless before God (Ephesians 5:27) if he has not taken care of her?
Men, we are called to serve endlessly. That is one of the hardest things to do - to serve without putting our own selfish needs first. Jesus spent His life performing miracles and serving people and most of the people that He served turned their backs to Him. He never wavered though, and He never quit. He continued to do so even until that last breath was taken on the Cross. No one is going to perfect on this, it's just not in our power to. We are all of the flesh. We are all sinners. But, we have all been set free so that we might live our lives trying to do what Jesus came to show us to do. I will never give up trying to serve my wife, and that means whether she is with or without me. When we serve our wives and when we serve one another, we are serving God (Matthew 25:40)! That should be our ultimate goal. That is where our reward will come from.
Please know, that I am not sharing this story to whine or complain about my current situation. I certainly am not grieving, yet. I don't want people to feel sympathetic for me. As a follower of Christ, I want to share my life experiences to be an example of how I glorify God, in the good and the bad times (Job 2:10). I will never stop being His disciple. I will never stop chasing after my heavenly Father. I will never stop serving and loving my wife!

Prayer: "Father, I pray for those who are experiencing dark times in their marriage. I lift them up and ask that You begin a healing process with them. Offer them discernment and wisdom. Lord, please remind the men how to serve and how to avoid being selfish. I pray for a hedge of protection over these couples, that You provide a wall of security for them. The enemy comes to steal and destroy Your work O' Lord, and that begins with marriages. May these couples acknowledge that and rebuke satan, in your name Jesus! There is Victory in You God! I thank you for everything that You have done in my life! In Jesus' name, AMEN!"

Peace!

12 Days of Christmas

2010-12-11T21:23:00.006-05:00

The Meaning Behind The Song

The twelve days of Christmas are the twelve days between Christmas Day, Dec. 25th, the birth of Jesus, and the Epiphany, Jan. 6th, the day Christians celebrate the arrival of the Magi (Wise Men) and the revelation of Christ as the light of the world.
The Christmas song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" may sound silly and contrived to many of us. But it actually had its origins in religious symbolism - and with a serious purpose.
It dates from a time of religious persecution. The song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," was written as a kind of secret catechism that could be sung in public without fear of arrest - a learning or memory aid to Christians in fact.
The song can be taken at two levels of interpretation - the surface meaning, or the hidden meaning known only to the Christians involved. Each element is a code word for a religious truth.

1. The partridge in a pear tree is Jesus.
2. The two turtledoves are the Old and New Testaments.
3. Three French hens stand for faith, hope and love.
4. The four calling birds are the four Gospels.
5. The five gold rings recall the Hebrew Torah (Law), or the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament.
6. The six geese a-laying stand for the six days of creation.
7. The seven swans a-swimming represent the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit.
8. The eight maids a-milking are the eight Beatitudes.
9. Nine ladies dancing are the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit.
10. The ten lords a-leaping are the Ten Commandments.
11. Eleven pipers piping represent the eleven faithful Apostles.
12. Twelve drummers drumming symbolize the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostles Creed.

* The "true love" in the song refers to God Himself.
* The "me" receiving the gifts is every Christian.

Peace!

Poetic Melody

2010-12-09T15:49:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I cannot forgive,
And these days mercy cuts so deep.
If the world was how it should be,
Maybe I could get some sleep.
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces lighter.
When we wake, we hate our brother,
We still move to hurt each other.
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent,
Falls below my heavy breathing.
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder,
We all feel the need for wonder.
We still want to be reminded,
That the pain is worth the thunder.

Sometimes when I lose my grip,
I wonder what to make of Heaven.
All the times I thought to reach up,
All the times I had to give.
All the wounds that money causes.
All the comforts of cathedrals.
All the cries of thirsty children.
This is our inheritance.

- Jars Of Clay

Who Am I To . . . ?

2010-12-08T06:36:00.006-05:00

I haven't blogged in a while because of a season of stress and lack of obedience. Once again, I am at a point in my life where I am taking another long hard look in the mirror, asking myself, "Am I the man that I want to be?"
I have been examining everything that is going on in my life and realizing how dependent on God that I really am. Our house has been on the market now for over a year and a half, and still, not one offer has come in. I am in the process of officially starting my business, but feel that it is going to fail. I have been connecting with men outside of the church, listening to their stories, and inviting them to my home to be a part of a group of men who will worship God, but no one shows up. I have quit going to church because I struggle with it's leadership and I feel like God is leading me to a new church as my home. I have been fighting to save my marriage, but feel like I am losing the battle most of the time. All of this I could swear that I heard God ask me, no . . . Tell me to do. I accepted the challenges and answered His call on all of these. I started off faithful, believing that He would be active in all of these, but it has all been going on for so long now, that I am starting to lose my faith.
And so the question arises, "Who am I to deny God?" Who am I to say that God can't bring a buyer for this home? Who am I to say that my business can't succeed? Who am I to decide to stop inviting men into my home to worship God? Who am I to say that my marriage can't be saved? If I am a believer in God, the One who has a plan for my life, who has asked me to do these things for Him, then I have no right to say that these things can't be done.
John 3:16-18 says, "This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him." As followers, we have to trust and expect God to work in our lives, and not by our standards or conditions, but simply because He created us to do so.

Peace!

Temptation

2010-11-19T08:46:00.005-05:00

James 1:13-15 says, When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
Read that again, this time out loud. Now take a moment to process what this is saying. How many of us pass blame on our weakness? When we fall to temptation, who do we ultimately accuse? Every time I give in to sin, I immediately start looking for someone or something to accuse for my problems. I often ask God why He puts me in situations that He knows I am weak at. Truth is, it is my fault. I am the one who allows myself to be tempted by my own sinful desire. If I were an alcoholic, would going to social gatherings where alcohol is served be a wise choice? If my struggle was with lust of the flesh, would looking at porn be the right thing to do? If I worshiped money so much that I overworked myself to gain as much as possible be healthy? These are all circumstances that we allow our desires to control. The best advice would be to simply not put ourselves in conditions where we will be tempted. That's easier said than done though.
Whenever I am feeling the pressures of temptation, the first thing that I try to do is to get alone with God, pick up the Word and read what scripture has to say about the situation. And if I don't have a Bible available and am unable to get alone at the moment, I just simply close my eyes and pray, no matter how weird it looks to others who may be watching. For some, doing this might bring feelings of guilt. God does not want us to live in guilt, that is called condemnation, and that my friends comes from the enemy. God convicts us in our guilt (sins) and asks us what we have learned from it so that we can move on and grow from it.
Remember, God cannot be tempted! He is the ultimate example of strength. He gives us authority to be strong. In moments of weakness, we are called to lean and rely on Him. Once we make this a habit, our temptations will be easier to overcome. There will always be temptation as long as there is an enemy to throw it at us. We owe it to ourselves to be warriors for God and to fight the Good fight.

Peace!

Opportunity

2010-11-10T09:15:00.004-05:00

I was thinking about some of the choices that I have made in the past in situations where I felt God was asking me to do something for Him. Some of the things that He has asked me to do did not make any sense at the time. For example: all my life, I dreamed of becoming an architect. I went to school, received a degree, accepted a job with a great architectural firm and started a career in something that I thought I had a passion for. At about the same time, I became a follower of Christ and my wife and I were about to bring our second child into the world. It wasn't long after Eleana was born when Ann and I pondered the thought of me being the stay at home parent. We prayed about it together and both of us felt strongly that God was calling me to do this. It didn't really make sense to me, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity to do something for God.
When God asks us to do something for Him, everything in us tries to understand why. Why me? What if I fail? What do I get out of it? All of these questions rise up and bet God asks; why not you? What if you don't fail? What won't you get out of it? Our plans always seem to contradict God's plans for us. His plans trump ours. When He is calling us to do something for Him, He is providing us with the opportunity to do something great for His Kingdom. When we pray, "Your will be done, Your kingdom come", that is exactly what we are getting, a chance to be part of something divine.
I believe that our prayers can be very selfish. When we pray and ask for things such as, patience, strength or courage, do you think God just gives us these abilities? Maybe He does, but I believe that He would rather give us the opportunities to be these things so that we can grow and mature in them as we live them out. Let me share this. This past summer, I was driving and I saw an older lady out in her yard doing what appeared to be some pretty labor intensive work, especially for someone of her age and her condition. It was very hot and humid, and she looked frustrated. As I passed her up, I began to pray that God would provide someone to help her. I immediately heard, "Why don't you help her Nick?" "But", "what if", and "I can't because", were all things that rattled around in my brain, but I knew that they were just excuses because I was afraid that I would get rejected or I would fail God. He was giving me the opportunity to do something awesome and meaningful. I prayed about it for a couple weeks and then I decided to take a baby step. I wrote that lady a letter, offering my help and service to her. She responded with a hand written letter saying that she really appreciated the offer, but she rather enjoys doing yard work because it is good exercise for her. Her name is Edna and she is 94 years old. She thanked for being a good Christian man and asked me to stay in touch. The funny thing is, I didn't mention anything about being Christian in my letter to her. Maybe God told her about me. All I know is that I am glad that I took the chance.
Maybe God has been calling you to do something. What do you feel like that calling is? Are you afraid to take the chance of a lifetime? With or without you, His Will be done and His Kingdom will come, so why not get on board and be a part of something divine.

Peace!

The Woman Is Wise

2010-11-02T09:04:00.006-04:00

We have all heard the saying, "Behind every good man, there is a great woman". While some may find this hard to be true, I believe it defines my wife. Ann has always spoken truth into to me. She has always believed in me even when I found it impossible to believe in myself.
So many times in my life I have heard people tell me, "Nick, you'll never be this or that", but not from Ann. For the most part, I have always relied on her wisdom and truth that had inspired me to believe in myself. So many times though, I have let the lies overcome me and blot out her truth. I have let my own pride get in the way of receiving true wisdom, not only from her, but from God as well. I believe that God knows when my pride is going to flare up, so He uses Ann to speak His truth to me, which can only strengthen Ann even more because she allows God to work through her to get to me. Now that is a wise woman!
The Bible is full of stories that testifies to the wisdom of women. The story of Abigail, found in 1 Samuel 25, is a great example of a woman's wisdom that saved the very life of her husband. Abigail was married to Nabal who was a mean and wicked man. King David and six hundred of his men had been watching over Nabal's property. David heard that Nabal was shearing sheep, so he sent his messengers to request some meat for his men. Nabal denied even knowing who David was and hurled insults at his messengers. The messengers returned to David with the bad news and this angered David, so he gathered four hundred of his men to go with him to kill Nabal. Abigail heard of this and immediately grabbed some wine, bread, sheep and some other supplies and secretly took it to David. When she arrived, she bowed at David's feet and asked for forgiveness for her husband. David's response was this, “Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” Then David accepted from her hand what she had brought him and said, “Go home in peace. I have heard your words and granted your request." (1 Samuel 25:32-35). Of course, ten days later, Abigail told Nabal what had happened and he suffered a heart attack and died, which allowed David to take Abigail as his wife.
Abigail was not only wise but also brave. I believe my wife would have done the same for me, and probably has saved my life at some point during our relationship. Last November, we had an argument that could have ended our marriage. I really don't remember what the argument was about. The one thing that I do remember is when she said that she doesn't know if she loves me any more. Those words alone could end it for most. I received them. I let them sink in. I took those words and some other things that we had talked about, and began to take a long hard look at myself. I discovered that I was not being a good man to her; I was a Nabal. I decided to go to a counselor and receive help in sorting out past issues of my life that had made me the man that I was being. It was hard and very painful, and sometimes it still is. But I was destined to fix myself to become the man that she needed me to be, and most of all, the man that God designed me to be. Ann's bravery to make a stand and to share those hard words with me could have wrecked me, instead, she saved my life.
I'm still struggling with being that man that I set out to be, but where there is struggle there is growth. My focus needs to be on God and what He wants for me, but I sometimes lose sight of that and make mistakes. God has put a powerful and wise woman in my life and I have to learn how to benefit from that.
"Behind every good man, there is a great woman". Brothers, do you consider yourself a good man? If married, do you believe your wife is wise? If so, can you accredit her wisdom to some of your success? What wise advice have you denied to receive? Just some things to think about in your search for wisdom.

My wonderful and truly wise bride.

Peace!

Music To My Ears

2010-10-22T09:17:00.002-04:00

My youngest son and I were on our way home from school yesterday when he asked me, "Why do you listen to this stuff daddy?" I was listening to Classical music (Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, etc...), and I often do in the Fall and Winter to help set the mood for the seasons. I told him that it relaxes me and he just said that it drives him crazy. He is seven, and I'm sure that someday he'll learn how to appreciate it.
This got me to thinking about a conversation that I had with one of my friends while we were at the gym. We were both sharing our dislike for a local rock station, in which I won't mention the name of but it does involve a frog. I quit listening to this station when I recognized the mood that the crap it was pouring into my ears was putting me in. Most of the songs I consider to be depressing and full of hate and really disgraceful to women. It was like porn to my ears and I didn't want it filtering through me anymore. I'm pretty sure that this was about the same time that I started walking with Christ and I am quite certain that He was making me aware of it as well.
I was listening to more and more Country at the time and would switch on and off to a couple of the Christian stations. I love Country music and the message it sends. A lot of my favorite artists sing about "life" and it really relates to me. Alan Jackson's music is a good example of this. I know, I know, most people think that Country musicians only sing about how their dog died, or how their wife left them, or how their pick-up truck quit running, but that's really not the common message anymore. It's real life with real emotions, and some of it is even God focused.
Christian music has really come a long way since my teenager years. Back then it seemed like it was either one extreme or the other, from goofy big haired bands wearing skin tight striped clothes to an over churchy gospel sound that never really clicked with me. Today, Christian music has a sound for almost any venue. From hard rocking to alternative, or from more traditional to rap, it's all there, and it's all unique but straight from the heart to God. My top three favorites include, Jars Of Clay, Mercy Me and Casting Crowns, and all three of these bands can be heard on secular stations as well. They have done a great job of becoming more mainstream and getting the Word out. My radio stations are all preset to Christian stations and I try to keep a radio on where ever I am. This helps me to stay God focused throughout the day and it also helps to keep me in a good mood as well.
I'm not saying that all classic rock and other stuff that is getting air time is trash. I dig out some of my old favorites and rock out to them every now and then, but I have to keep a limit on it. I also think that a lot of the stuff that I mentioned earlier is what a lot of these musicians are struggling with, and this is their way of crying out to God. Even gangster rappers recognize their need for God, and they share their story of life in their own ways. I believe that God hears melodies no matter what the sound is.

Peace!

God Loves Failures

2010-10-16T15:06:00.005-04:00

If you are anything like me, you can probably count more things that you have failed at rather than succeeded at in your lifetime. I think God loves that about me, especially since I have been a believer and a follower of Him. Don't get me wrong, I think that He loves to see us succeed at things as well, but it's in those times when I fail at something that I lean on Him the most, and I believe that is what He wants the most, for us to rely on Him.
The Bible is full of stories of men who constantly missed the mark or fell short of God's desires for them; Abraham, Moses, Elijah, David and Peter are all great figures of Scripture who experienced failure. Those same stories teach us about God's Grace and His never-ending pursuit of us to overcome our failures in order to succeed for Him. My favorite story is that of a man named David which can be found in the books of 1 & 2 Samuel. David had favor with God. God knew that David would have huge struggles in his life which would lead him to constant failure. But God loved him despite his flaws and blessed him with numerous opportunities to serve Him and bring Him historical glory. This is the same David that slayed Goliath the Philistine, and grew to become anointed as Israel's second King. King David had many victories and he had God's promise that his descendants will be on the throne forever. In 2 Samuel 11, we read about how David lusted after a young woman named Bathsheba and how he would have her husband, Uriah, killed so he could be married to her. Even after this shameful act, God still loved David and kept his promise to him. I don't know what you would feel in that situation, but I would have felt like the ultimate failure and completely unworthy of God's love for me.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27 says, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize".
The prize is God's Love, Grace & Forgiveness for us. When ever I am feeling like a screw-up, I am reminded of this verse, and it tells me to continue to fight, continue to run the race of life, and to continue to request and count on God's assistance in what ever the matter is. Life is full of mistakes, but it's in those times that I recover from my failure and use it as a tool of growth. We are called to learn from our failures and confess them to God. This frees us to be of service to do mightier and more successful things for Him.
Just remember that ultimately, there is nothing that we can do or say that will separate us from God's Grace. For Jesus already paid that price by giving His life for our sins (and failures) on The Cross!

Peace!

Ultimate Sacrifice

2010-10-08T09:19:00.007-04:00

I was thinking about all of my brothers and sisters last night, those who are serving this country in the armed forces. I was thinking about the war in Afghanistan and Iraq and about how many American lives have been lost, about all of those men and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice. While I am hurting for the loss of life, I also understand the freedom of choice. As a veteran of the United States Air Force and of the Persian Gulf War, I knew full and well that I was putting my life on the line when I entered the military. I can't speak for the thousands who are currently serving, but I can guarantee that they are aware of the risk of death, especially in these days with the certainty of war.
My good friend, Steve Nixon, sent me an email that I have seen before, but still never ceases to amaze me every time I read it. Here is a part of it:

There was an officer in the army sitting on the other side of me. He was flying back to Afghanistan and said something that really surprised me. I asked him what was one of the biggest misconceptions about Afghanistan and here’s what he told me: “We statistically lose more 18-25 year old soldiers when they go home for R&R than we do in combat in the field.” That surprised me. If you asked me which was more dangerous, being in the middle of an armed conflict in Afghanistan or going home for a few weeks of rest and relaxation, I’d pick the first option. But the more the army officer explained it, the more it made sense. “What sometimes happens is that you have folks that go back home after being out of the country for months at a time. They’re flush with cash, haven’t been in a lot of social situations lately and think they’re out of danger.” They buy motorcycles and crash them. They make crazy financial situations that wreck them. They get in DUIs. In a million different ways they make the kind of mistakes that can ruin you. All at home. All on vacation.

I get very upset when I see a bumper sticker that says "Bring Our Troops Home", or "End The War". Too me, that is such a disgrace. It is cutting the legs out from under every soldier who has made the choice to defend his country. Where are all of the bumper stickers that say "No More Drinking or Partying"? Maybe it is the fact that we as humans value life too much. Maybe that goes against us. I think that we all get hung up on the idea that this is it, our one go at it, and when we are dead, that's it. The fact is that this is not our home. This is just a transition place before Heaven and Eternity.
There will always be a war to fight. War is Biblical, and I support any war that goes against evil. There is a real enemy and his name is Satan, and we are all God's soldiers and are asked to stand against the enemy. When I think of ultimate sacrifice, I think of Jesus and what He did on the Cross. He defeated the enemy with His victory over death. Jesus is the ultimate Hero! I have never seen a bumper sticker that says, "Jesus Is A Wimp", and if there is one, I feel sorry for the person sporting it around. I hope that I get the opportunity to go out fighting, just like my hero Jesus did.

Father God, I lift up all of my brothers and sisters who are serving this nation that I have been blessed to live in. I ask You to provide them with strength and stamina. I pray for Your will to be done with the war, Lord. Father, again I acknowledge that you are in full control of what transpires in this fallen world. Thank You God, for all of Your provisions and Your everlasting Grace. And thank You for all of the men and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice!
In Your beautiful name Jesus, Amen.

Peace!

Iron Sharpens Iron

2010-10-07T09:20:00.007-04:00

On November 3rd, I will be starting a new Men's Group at my home. The group will be called "Iron Sharpens Iron", and it will be a place for men to come and connect with other men who are seeking God in their lives. The idea, or should I say calling, came to me this past spring, and I have put a lot of thought and prayer into it since then. In one of my recent blogs, I questioned the thought of God wanting me to be a Pastor. I still don't think that I want that title, instead, I like to consider myself a disciple (or a follower) and a Shepard of sorts. None the less, I am looking forward to the challenge of leading a group of men in finding their faith, and I thank God for His calling upon me to do this.

The name, "Iron Sharpens Iron", comes from the Bible passage - Proverbs 27:17, which states, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another". This is what defines us as men. We are to hold one another accountable for our actions. We are called to lead each other and to teach each other. We are responsible for each other and are required to live our lives by God's standards as we grow together.

I chose the symbol of the sword because it is a weapon of a true warrior that is made from "iron". The sword is the word of God in which He bestows upon us to fight the enemy, Satan. The Latin engraving on this sword, "In Hoc Signo Vinces", stands for, "with this as your standard you shall have victory", and according to legend, *(Constantine 1 adopted this Greek phrase, "εν τούτῳ νίκα", as a motto after his vision of a chi rho on the sky just before the Battle of Milvian Bridge against Maxintius on 28 October 312. The early Christian symbol consists of a monogram composed of the Greek letters chi (X) and rho (P), the first two letters in the name Christ (Greek: Χριστός). In later periods the christogram "IHS" both stood for the first three letters of "Jesus" in Latinized Greek (Ιησούς, Latinized IHSOVS) and "in hoc signo" from the legend. The historian Eusebius states that Constantine was marching with his army (Eusebius doesn't specify the actual location of the event, but it's clearly not in the camp at Rome), when he looked up to the sun and saw a cross of light above it, and with it the Greek words "εν τούτῳ νίκα" ("by this, be victorious!", often rendered in Latin as In hoc signo vinces). At first, Constantine didn't know the meaning of the apparition, but in the following night, he had a dream in which Christ explained to him that he should use the sign against his enemies. Eusebius then continues to describe the Labarum, the military standard used by Constantine in his later wars against Licinius, showing the Chi-Rho sign.)
*(by Wikipedia)

My prayer is that God will put it on the hearts of the men who have been invited to attend. Either way, it is in His hands and I will simply be His vessel and do what ever He asks of me with this. If you are a man in search of your faith, or wanting to connect with other Christian men, and this group sounds interesting to you, please call me at 513.403.5058 or email me at ncalcara@roadrunner.com.

Peace!

Believe

2010-10-01T05:28:00.002-04:00

I was reading my daily devotional yesterday when I came across this passage:

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer (Matthew 21:22)

I didn't think anything of it at first and finished up my quiet time (time alone with God) by reading the Bible and praying. As I was praying, I found myself asking, "Do I really, REALLY believe?" I have to admit that doubt started to slip in and it began to overwhelm me. I have been praying for God to help us with the sale of our home and to rescue us from foreclosure, but still, we wait while nothing happens. I have been praying for God to take Ann's diabetes away, but still, she lives with it. I have been praying for God to reveal Himself in my daily activities and struggles, but I am too busy focusing on other things to see Him doing so.

The day went on and I continually allowed myself to get depressed until I felt completely detached from God. This lead to fatigue and a terrible migraine. I was down for the count.

As I was laying down, trying to relieve my headache, my wonderful bride returned home from work and came to my side. She gently rubbed my back and asked me what was wrong and I shared with her what was on my mind. She didn't interrupt or suggest anything, she just listened. When I was finished, she waited for a few moments and then shared a story with me. The story was about our son Dominick and how he is longing for his own cell phone, and although we think that now is not the right time for him to have one, we know that someday soon we will give him one. Ann was comparing Dominick's hopes for a cell phone to my prayers and whatever I have asked God for. Sounds like something Jesus would have done, doesn't it?

I have talked about God's timing before and that is pretty much what it comes down to. God knows what is best for His children. He does listen and He always provides. Praying is 50/50, which means that we have to listen for His Word just as much as we speak from our lips. Praying requires patience and awareness. And most of all, praying relies on us believing. If we didn't believe in God and His promises to us, why would He even bother listening to us in the first place?

My day ended with me thinking about all of the blessings in my life. I thought about all of the prayers that were answered or unanswered as well. As I was thinking of these, I closed my eyes and prayed to my God and thanked Him for the day and for everything that He has done in my life.

Do you believe? If not, take count of the blessings in your life.

Peace!

Best Day & Worst Day

2010-09-21T14:43:00.002-04:00

Best Day: It was Sunday, September 4th, 1994. I had purchased a beautiful diamond engagement ring a few weeks before the Labor Day weekend and the plan was to ask Ann to marry me while we were downtown for the holiday fireworks. I carried that ring around all day, in it's case, stuffed in my sock on that hot September day. Between not having the courage to pop the question in front of thousands of people and the thought of knowing how stinky the case would be after pulling it out of my sweaty sock, I just couldn't propose to her. I waited until we returned home that evening and right there in the middle of our cozy one bedroom apartment, I got down on one knee and asked Ann Lauer to be my bride. That was my best day ever.

Worst Day: After 14 years of marriage, Ann and I have had our share of hard times. Last November, on Thanksgiving Eve, we were in the midst of yet another conflict. Accusations were thrown, and stupid things were said and then I heard the words that crushed my heart, "I don't know if I love you anymore." It has been 10 months since I have heard those words and I don't think that my heart has yet fully healed. But, I have received counsel, hard work has been done, some trust has grown back and healing is taking it's course. I have grown and learned a lot about myself and my wife over the past 10 months, and I still have a lot of work to do that lies ahead. I have been in the fight of my life, a fight for my marriage. That day before thanksgiving was my worst day ever, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. If Ann had not said what she said, I would have not have fully surrendered to God and allowed Him to do the work that needed to be done in my life to mold me into the man that I needed to be; the man that my wife deserved. In fact, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be divorced right now and still living a self-destructive, prideful and over controlling life. Thank you my bride!

What are your best and worst days?

Peace!

Time For Healing

2010-09-20T17:59:00.005-04:00

I am addicted to exercise and to testing how far I can push myself. I have been working out now for almost 27 years and I think I push myself harder now than I used to back in the day. Something inside of me just doesn't agree that age should slow me down.
Of course, with all of the exercise that I do, comes my fair share of aches and pains. I can't remember a day that some part of my body hasn't hurt, and I have experienced some pretty bad injuries along the way as well. It doesn't matter if you are in your twenties or fifties, if you exercise, train hard or push your body to it's limit, you will feel pain. Sooner or later, you will hurt something along the way. Hurt is inevitable; in the gym, in competitions and in life.
I remember a time when I was in my twenties, a lot of people would say to me, "Just wait until you are in your thirties Nick, you'll slow down". My thirties came and went and now I am forty years old and people still say the same things to me. Most of the guys in the gym don't believe me when I tell them how old I am. They all say that I look like I am in my twenties, and I have to be honest, I feel better now than when I was in my twenties.
The thing that I have learned most, with all of my aches and pains and injuries along the way, is how to heal. Healing is vital. Being out of commission can be a great struggle for a lot of people. It means that you can't do what you once did and that is a hard thing to swallow if you are custom to constantly pushing yourself. For me, it means weeks, if not months of training just to get back to the level of exercise that I was at prior to the injury. That sucks! But if I choose to let myself heal properly, then I am also allowing myself to grow stronger. It also gives me the time to learn from my mistakes that led me to the injury. I can do things to help speed up the healing process, but ultimately the body's healing capability will take as long as it needs to on it's terms. Time itself is the best healer.
Healing has a purpose. It repairs what has been broken. I know people who have ignored their pains and tried to continue to push their selves at the same level of exercise. That can only make matters worse, at the gym and in life as well.
If I had to choose between a broken heart and a hurt knee, I would take the knee easily. I have hurt my knee multiple times lifting too much weight and I know how long my body will take to heal it now. I hate it when my heart gets broken simply because it doesn't happen that often. But when it does, it feels like it will never be the same. The pain of not knowing how long it will take to heal makes it feel like it is not even worth it to allow it to heal. But with proper healing, anything can be stronger than what it was before.
Pain doesn't have to last forever, we just need to allow the healing process to take it's place.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

Peace!

Something To Do

2010-09-16T08:46:00.004-04:00

Tuesday morning started off just like any other Tuesday this week; get up, wake the kids up, make breakfast, pack lunch, prepare backpacks and get kids off to school. The morning ritual happens between 6:30 and 8:30. I walked home from the bus stop and began to wonder what I was going to do today. That's when it hit me. I had nothing to do.
I have spent the past three weeks, of this new school season, creating ways to get my business advertised. I created my own website from a blog, posted ads in local business magazines, handed cards out and by word of mouth. I know that this is going to be a long process and I shouldn't expect things to happen overnight, but I slipped into panic mode. "What if this doesn't work out?" and "How long is this going to take?" were questions that began to consume my mind. I have had all summer to prepare for this. I knew that my days as a stay-at-home dad would soon be coming to an end as my youngest was about to begin his adventure as a first grader. I thought I would be ready, but this Tuesday proved to me that I wasn't.
I took care of a few things that needed tending to around the house and that only lasted a couple of hours. As I sat down for a moment to take a rest, the boredom and loneliness began to set in. To me, that is a very dangerous place. That is a place where old habits rear their dark heads. I started to feel hurt as I was missing the company of my little boy that I have spent so many mornings with for the past several years. I felt lazy and weak, and a huge feeling of worthlessness came over me as a man without work or purpose might feel. I turned on the t.v. and began to watch some old sitcoms and I drifted off to sleep.
I think God spoke to me as I lay there napping on the couch. He was trying to comfort me and strengthen me at the same time. I know that He wants what is best for me and that it hurts Him when I am struggling with sins of the past. My mind was a battlefield. A war was going on between God's Love and Passion for me and the enemies lies of temptation. Still, I lay there motionless in a half state of sleep, fully aware of my thoughts and surroundings. That's when I began to pray, "God, please give me something to do."
I went to bed that evening saying the same prayer. I woke up the next morning, again, repeating that prayer. As I went through my day, I tried to keep myself busy to protect myself from boredom. I kept saying that prayer over and over in my head. I went to the gym to get some exercise which is really important to keep not only my body in condition, but my mind as well. I kind of went through the motions of my exercise routine because I had a headache and ultimately did not feel like being there. Those can be the best sessions because I am pushing myself through it. I finished my workout and then I ran into Pat. He is a guy that I have blogged about before ("At The Gym"). I value our conversations a lot these days because they are God focused and it gives me an opportunity to speak about what God is doing in my life. Pat shares his stories as well and I always leave there thinking about and praying for that guy.
As I walked to my car, I began to wonder, "now what"? I got into my car and began making phone calls to guys who are close to me to ask for prayer and wisdom. My phone rang, and I answered. It was a lady requesting some work from me. Out of the blue, my prayer was answered. God was giving me something to do. It's not much, just a car detailing job, but it's enough and I believe it's a start. I believe that God will provide for me as long as I am humble, honest and patient with Him. As long as I seek Him in everything that I do, then He will reveal Himself. Luke 11:9 says, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" (New International Version).

My prayer is that God will provide for you. That he will keep you from being bored and that His company will keep you from feeling lonely. I pray that walls of pride and stubbornness come down so that you too can humbly ask Him for what you want.

Peace!

Redlegs

2010-09-12T10:51:00.009-04:00

It was about four years ago when I received two tickets to a Red's game as a gift from my wife on Father's Day. I have been and avid fan and follower of the Red's since the day that I used those tickets and took my son Dominick to that ball game. There is something special about being at a ball game when it's just a father and son moment.
Last night, I took the whole family down to watch the Redlegs play the Pittsburgh Pirates in the second of a three game series. They beat the Pirates the night before with the bases loaded and no outs in the bottom of the 12th, when Jonny Gomes hit a broken-bat grounder to Ronny Cedeno. The shortstop scooped it up and went home with a throw that was a little short but playable. Catcher Chris Snyder dropped the ball for an error as Chris Heisey scored the go-ahead run.
Last night's thriller would prove to be no different as the Red's, Joey Votto, delivered his first career walk-off homer in extra innings as well.

Here are some pics of last night's action.

An Ohio based Navy Seals Unit, just back from Afghanistan, secured the pitcher's mound and delivered the game ball.

The Cuban Missle, Aroldis Chapman, wears the infamous pink backpack on his way to the dugout.

Taste of Heaven: Perfect late summer evening, Cincinnati skyline and the Cincinnati Reds.

Great American Ball Park scoreboard at the top of the first.

Right fielder, Miguel Cairo, fields a hit.

Anthony being himself and Ann on her iphone in the background.

Eleana having a good time sitting next to her daddy at a ball game.

Peace!

Nine11

2010-09-10T09:17:00.006-04:00

Chief John Jonas was on the 27th floor in stairwell B of the north tower when he received word that the south tower had collapsed. As a fireman, everything in him told him to continue on. His instinct told him opposite. As he and five other members of Ladder Company 6 approached the 28th floor, the chief made the decision to head back down and get out of the north tower. On about the 20th floor, they ran into Josephine Harris, a heavyset, 59-year-old bookkeeper who had worked at the Port Authority for six months. Josephine had already made it down 50 floors when her leg, injured from a previous accident, had given out. As firefighter, Billy Butler, bent over to assist Josephine, he looked up at Jonas and asked, "What do you want to do with her, Cap?" “We got to bring her with us,” he told his company. By that point, Harris could barely stand. Butler, short, barrel-chested, the company’s strongest man, put her arm over his shoulder. The company’s pace slowed to Harris’s. They had made it to the 5th floor when Harris decided she could go no further. Chief Jonas went to look for a chair to carry Harris the rest of the way down on when he ran into Port Authority officer David Lim. They could not find a chair so David Lim placed his arm around Harris to help carry her to the 4th floor. That's when they felt the wind. As the north tower began to collapse some 60 floors above them, wind began to blast downwards through the stairwell caused by each floor pancaking down on top of each other. Within 8 seconds, the tower disintegrated into a massive pile of rubble that completely surrounded a salvaged portion of stairwell B that still had 16 survivors trapped inside. Jonas recalls thinking, "I can't believe this is how I am going to die". After the pitch blackness of the dust had settled, he realized he was still alive, along with David Lim and his five firefighters, Mike Meldrum, Matt Komorowski, Billy Butler, Tom Falco and Sal D'Agostino; and of course Josephine Harris, in which they now refer to as their guardian angel.

Father God, may Your Holy Spirit continue to rest upon those who were left to carry the burden of the loss of a loved one. May they know that You are still in control and that all things that happen, good and bad, are covered by Your mercy and grace. And thank You God, for the heroes of that day, the ones that died saving lives and the ones that survived. Thank You for the men and women that serve around the world in their continuing efforts to push back and defeat the darkness of evil. In Jesus, Amen.

Pain

2010-08-25T14:44:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to share a quick story that my good friend, Jody Burgin, wrote in one of his devotions. This story is awesome and very inspirational. Please read it and enjoy.

For twenty years, the great French artist Renoir was in great pain and misery. Rheumatism had wracked his body and crippled his fingers. Sometimes, as he held his brush between his thumb and forefinger and slowly and painfully applied his paints to the canvas, great beads of perspiration broke out on his forehead. His suffering often was so great that he cried out in pain as he painted. He could not stand up to paint, so he was placed in a chair that was raised up and down to give him access to the upper and lower parts of his canvas. Sometimes a doctor gave him sedatives, but the suffering was hardly touched.

Yet Renoir was diligent, painting in pain great masterpieces of beauty and enchantment. One day his disciple Matisse pleaded with him, "Master, why do you do more? Why torture yourself?"

Gazing at one of his favorite canvasses, Renoir replied, "The pain passes, but the beauty remains."

What a wonderful motto this is for breakthrough living. We have gone through great pain and suffering, but it has passed; it is over and gone. Diligence compels us to accept each task as a special assignment from the Lord and use all my energies to do it quickly and skillfully. The result of our effort, the beauty, the victory, remains.

So much of what we have yet to do will be painful, but the results will last. Our pain can energize us and stimulate us to diligently move on and move away from our suffering. Whatever it does, our pain indicates that we are alive and sensitive, not numb and senseless - or dead.

O Christ, keep me painting, doing, working, living in spite of the pain I suffer. Amen.

That last line says it all: Whatever it does, our pain indicates that we are alive and sensitive, not numb and senseless - or dead. Anybody who knows me at all, knows that I have always said, "I like pain because it reminds me that I am alive!" If you are experiencing pain in any aspect of your life, I challenge you to lift it up to God and examine how much you feel alive when He begins to deliver you from it.

Peace!

Drought

2010-08-24T16:07:00.005-04:00

Have you ever felt like your life is in a drought or you are lost in the wilderness without God? That is what I have been experiencing for quite some time now. I was reading my daily passages on Biblegateway.com a couple of weeks ago when a book advertisement popped up on one of the side bars of the web site. "The Land Between", by Jeff Manion is a book about all of life's unwanted transitions, (unemployment, foreclosure, illness, family crisis, etc.), and how to apply God's teaching to deal with them.

In the book of Exodus, God leads Moses and the Israelites into the desert to escape from Egypt. God promised Moses a land of their own, "filled with milk and honey". But in order to get there, they would have to endure the desert. The desert is the middle space, the land between two desirable places. Behind them was Egypt, a land filled with bountiful meals and riches, but in order to receive it you had to live under the Pharaoh as a slave. The land ahead was the promised land, the land full of milk and honey, the land that God promised to Moses and the Israelites.
Jeff Manion uses the book of Exodus as an example that compares to our droughts. In life, there will always be trials and crisis. We never know when it will happen, but it does and most times we will not be prepared for it. No one is exempt from crisis. The question is, "How will we deal with it when it hits"? The Israelites chose to whine and complain against God. This left Moses in a very uncomfortable position. Not only was he stuck in the desert, but he had to put up with the whiny Israelites as well.
In my desert place, I have been trying to trust and rely on God. I have never prayed as much as I do now until I got caught in this drought. I have even been whiny at times, questioning God's Word and His promise to me. I don't think God likes it when we whine and I'm willing to bet that He ignores us at those times, just like when we ignore our children when they are whining about something. On the other hand, I am willing to bet that when we pray in honesty to Him, He listens to us and wants to help us, even if His help comes in a form that we aren't expecting.
The chapter of this book that hit me the hardest was chapter ten, "The Disciplinarian". Jeff uses this chapter to explain how God had to discipline the Israelites before He could allow them to enter the promised land. In the ongoing complaints that the Israelites were delivering, they began to demand things as well. They were sick of eating manna and they wanted meat. Moses warns them that the promise of meat will be delivered, not just for a day though but for a whole month. "They would have meat until it comes out of their nostrils", is the way it is written in Numbers 11:20. I sometimes wonder if I could eat meat until it fell from my nose. I'm guessing if it did, I probably wouldn't want it any more. The discipline comes in the form of a plague. There was so much meat that most of it went bad. The Israelites were unaware of this and continued to eat the spoiled meat. This eventually led to a lot of upset tummies and even death among their people. Seems kind of harsh that God would supply them with spoiled meat to teach them a lesson for complaining and for being demanding. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't there supposed to be consequences when discipline is being administered? Here is the paragraph that hit me the hardest from this chapter:

Sometimes God will give us what we demand and let us take the consequences. This is not because He hates us or has given up on us. As harsh as those consequences may be, they are still under the control of a God who loves us and a God who sees. He sees the big picture. He sees what's coming. He knows the events and challenges for which we need to be prepared. In Hebrews, we read, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (12:11).

My personal example of this is the house that we live in. The house that we said that God opened the door for us to because He wanted to bless us with it. The house that I thought I HAD to have. The house that I thought everybody would admire me for. The house that has been on the market now for a year and a half. The same house that has become my own personal prison. Even now, I am whining and complaining about it. But I have been receiving and continue gratefully to receive my discipline. I believe that I have experienced the most spiritual growth of my life in this past year and a half. I have grown closer to God and continue to rely on Him to keep His word and deliver us from this financial burden. He hears my cries and gives me hope. I pray honestly to Him everyday, and several times throughout the day, and ask Him for His provision. I know God wants the best for me, as He does for all of us, but I cannot receive what He has for me until I totally surrender to Him.
This season of drought will be over soon, only to yield to a new season of trials and tests, but I am remaining patient and my excitement grows every day to see what He has in store for me.
So, what does your desert place look like? Will you allow God to work in it? Will you give thanks for the good and the bad? Just some things to think about while you wander around in the land between.

Peace!

Hard Lessons

2010-08-10T15:08:00.003-04:00

Story:
Dante is a tenth-grade football player full of potential. After football practice one afternoon, his coach asked to see him in his office. Dante was leading his team in total yards and touchdowns. Partway through the season, the coaching staff even began considering moving him up to the varsity team. Rarely had they seen such promise in a maturing young player. Football came so naturally to Dante that he was a dominant force without even working at it. And that was the problem - the reason he was in the coach's office. He just wasn't working at it.
Discipline issues with Dante were becoming an increasing concern. He was constantly showing up late to practice with no reason. He misbehaved during practice and even mocked the coach. He figured that he was so good that he didn't have a need to be coached.
When Dante made it to the coach's office, it was to his surprise to see the varsity football coach also present for the meeting. His coach asked him to have a seat and proceeded by reminding Dante how much talent and potential that he has. Then he said, "But your unwillingness to receive correction, your tardiness and your misbehavior is poisoning this team." The coach then made the decision to bench Dante for the remainder of the season, even if this meant no chance of making it to the playoffs.
Then it was the varsity coach's turn. He concurred with everything that Dante's coach had mentioned. He too, made Dante aware of his talent and potential, but informed him that there would no place for him on the varsity team unless his attitude changed. Disrespect would not be tolerated, no exceptions.
Dante thought the coaches were trying to destroy his image and more important, his football career. But as the season rolled on, Dante realized that the coach was actually disciplining him in order to rescue him, not only for his current position but for his future as a football player as well. That is what good discipline does. It has to inflict pain sometimes in order to save or rescue something. Maybe God has to discipline us in ways that may seem harsh in an attempt to rescue us.

I read a story similar to this recently and was thinking about my son's soccer practice last night and I thought I would compare his situation to the story. Dominick didn't feel like going to practice last night for a number of reasons. He had a headache, it was too hot and I'm quite certain that he thinks that he is too good for practice sometimes. After a grueling hour and a half in 98 degree heat, Dominick immediately began to complain about how hard it was because of the heat and about how much he doesn't think that he needs to be at the optional practice on Thursday evenings. I'm not trying to call him out or ridicule him, he is my son and I love him. But it drives me completely up the wall to hear him talk about his life dream of skipping college, becoming a pro soccer player and moving to Barcelona to play soccer for his dream team. I am constantly trying to reassure him that there isn't one guy on that team (or any professional team for that matter) that hasn't paid their dues. I often use the example of Michael Jordan and how he would show up on a court that was filled with guys much older and better than him and played hoops with them - no matter what.
Dominick is an exceptional soccer player. He has played it since he was 5 years old. He lives, eats and breathes soccer. I love watching him each season and I have noticed how much of a leader he is on the field. That leadership will prepare him for a lot of things in life. I am very reserved on the sidelines compared to a lot of other fanatic parents. I watch and when the game is over, I tell him what I think he needs to improve on. Sometimes he takes that info as an insult and sometimes he accepts it as good advice, I guess it just depends on if his team has won or lost and what kind of mood he is in. He is well aware of his gift and we constantly try to keep it respectable, but even he needs discipline sometimes to keep his perspective on things.

I am thankful that God has provided me the opportunity to father someone and discipline them as well. I know that He is constantly disciplining me in my life and that there will always be areas in my life where I need it most. It may seem harsh sometimes, but I believe that it is in those difficult moments where the most growth and maturity will occur.

Peace!

Give Yourself Away

2010-08-04T07:59:00.005-04:00

What does true sacrifice mean to you? What would you freely give up for someone? Is it your time? Your money? Your career? Your life? Last night, I met a guy who gave his all for someone very close to him. Let me share his story.

I only know his first name is Chris. He came to our small group of men to share his story of faith, love and true sacrifice. Chris is a Texas native and has only been in Cincinnati for a short period of time. Upon his arrival, Chris prayed for God to provide him a church home and the answer was Vineyard West Side. Chris came and he immediately felt like this was his family. He has only been to church for a couple of weeks, and already he has found a place where his community would love him and accept him for who he is.
Last night, as our group discussed the topic of sacrifice, I sat across from Chris and watched him slowly open up to share a story that completely broke me. The question came up, "What does true sacrifice look like and do we have what it takes to do it"? Chris answered with this: His wife of fifteen years, his soul mate, had sclerosis of the liver which is a life ending disease. Chris sacrificed everything to take care of his wife until her last breath. He gave up his job to be with her. He had no income to pay for food or transportation. He spent every second of his life to stay by her side and walk this out with her. Eventually the disease would prevail and his wife died in his arms. Chris would spend the next several months receiving counseling and would eventually find himself at the mercy of alcohol to ease the pain of his loss.
When Chris moved to Cincinnati, he met another woman and began dating her. During there courtship, she discovered a lump on her neck. They went to see a Doctor and he delivered the devastating news. Without hesitation, Chris immediately vowed to his new love that he would be there for her. The cancer was already in stage four and had spread to lungs. After months of therapy and hospice, Chris again had the love of his life die in his arms.
After sharing his story, Chris wiped the tears from his eyes and spoke to us with an authoritative voice. He told us that we should not worry if we will ever be up to the task of giving up one's self for the life of another. God would provide! When Chris gave up everything to be with his wife, he still had everything he needed to live. He had food, shelter, transportation and strength to carry on. All of which God provided for him. Sacrifice was not something that he could prepare himself for. The circumstances arose and Chris simply set his fears aside and stepped up to the plate.

I believe that God knew that Chris would have the strength to sacrifice himself not only once, but twice to love and comfort one of God's daughters on their deathbed. Chris knew his role, he knew that God was asking him to do this for Him. It might seem like a crappy thing to be asked to do, but he will be rewarded greatly for it, if not in this life, then definitely the next. Nothing can prepare us for the storms. Nothing can prepare us for the life altering events that can and will take place. The only thing we can cling to is our faith in Christ and know that He is with us, no matter what. And I think that Jesus knows a little about giving up a life to benefit the lives of others. He paid the ultimate price for a world full of sinners.

I believe that it was U2's Bono that originally sang, "And you give . . . and you give . . . and you give yourself away". So again I ask, What does true sacrifice mean to you? Would you freely give your time, money, career or even your life for someone? How can you give yourself away?

Stuff

2010-07-23T07:19:00.002-04:00

Have you ever felt like everything around you is falling apart? Like everything in your life that you had security in, is all of a sudden in jeopardy? This past week has had that effect on me. Let me explain.

My wife and I have spent the past several years traveling down this path of seeking and filling. We have been seeking God and what His will is for us, and at the same time, filling our lives with things that are considered earthly treasures. All the while, thanking God for such blessings. Was His will for us just to collect stuff? Probably not. But maybe He allowed us to have such things just to show us that we wouldn't need it anyway. Confused yet?

I think that all of us feel as though we need something to make us happy at one point or another in our lives. Maybe it's a house, or furniture, or cars, or electronics, etc....etc.... But in reality, those things don't bring true happiness. I fell for that lie. I thought that the really nice house was a must. Then we had to fill the house with all of the stuff. Then came the cars. Then . . . one day I take a trip to a different country and witness people who have nothing. My world begins to fall apart. I return home and decide that we should sell our house. Well, the house has been on the market for over a year now and still not one offer has come in. We lower the price to less than what we paid for it, and still, nothing. So, we begin to put the stuff up for sale that has been occupying space in the house. This is where it starts to feel like everything is falling apart. We now have empty rooms in the house that were once filled with glamorous items. We took pride in those items. It feels odd to go into those rooms to witness emptiness. The thought goes through my head, "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away". It makes me sad. I begin to question my thoughts and my faith. Why did I feel led to sell the house only to have the market drop out from underneath us and to put us in a position of financial disaster? Does God want this for us? When is He going to deliver on His word in all of this? These are the questions that ramble through my head every minute of every day.

Then comes the stress that all of this puts our family in. Saying goodbye to things we once had joy in is hard, but knowing that we have to sell it just to replenish our depleted savings account is even harder. The mortgage consumed the savings account months ago, so something had to be done. It is even more depressing thinking that this house could have been our nest egg and then a failed market proved otherwise. There is the stress of deciding what will be sacrificed on the chopping block next. The stress of listing and coordinating everything. The continuous stress of seeing things go, and yet the house remains to be a burden. I begin to wonder if God has to strip us of the stuff inside the house first, in order to prepare us for the move.

There is a story in the Bible about a guy name Job. This guy had it all and lost it all. His children were killed as well as all of his livestock. His possessions were taken. His friends and wife turned against him. Even his health and own life was at stake. His whole world crashed around him, and yet he remained loyal and faithful to God. God allowed satin to commit all of these things on Job (but He did not give satin permission to take Job's life) in order to prove to satin that Job would remain faithful. Job remained and there was victory in God.

Lately, I have been comparing myself to Job. I have been wondering, "what's next"? Will I lose my children, my wife or my friends? Will I have the strength to remain faithful? I hope that I don't have to lose loved ones and that I will have the strength.

Only God knows what my future holds. I know that He has a plan for me/us. I know that He is protecting us from disaster. My job is to just trust Him and let Him lead. I am holding on to His word and His promise that there are greater treasures that He has in store for us, far greater than the ones that we have acquired on this earth on our own.

Peace!

Dunk Fest 2010 (VWS Style)

2010-07-20T12:35:00.017-04:00

Once a year, our church has it's annual baptism celebration. It usually kicks off around ten in the morning and stretches into mid afternoon. With live music provided by Jon Price and group, and a cookout after wards, this is a celebration not to be missed. Last year around sixty people publicly gave their lives to Christ and I'm sure that there were probably close to that many this past Sunday as well.

My brother from another mother entered the water this year. Kelly Jackson came into my life just a little over a year ago. We were having a free car-wash at the church when this guy showed up in his minivan, thinking that he was just there to get his vehicle cleaned for free that day. God had other plans! My other brother, Steve Nixon, and I were introduced to Kelly and he told us that he was looking for group of Christian men to connect with. We invited him to our men's group and we prayed for him on the spot that day while bird poop and leaves were being removed from his car. Kelly informed me, just a few days before Sunday, that he was going to get baptized. That morning, he asked Steve and I if we would do the honor of baptizing him. My wife took some incredible pictures of the moment. As we invited the Holy Spirit and prayed over Kelly, our brother poured out his emotions and gave it all to God.
Take a look:

Matthew 3:13-17
The Baptism of Jesus
¹³Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. ¹⁴But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"
¹⁵Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented.
¹⁶As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. ¹⁷And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."

God painted the sky that evening, in a way that only He can create. His love is unfathomable and His mercy is endless. What a glorious day!

Peace!

When I Grow Up . . .

2010-07-13T10:57:00.003-04:00

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be an Architect. When I was a kid, I would sit and draw for hours. My favorite things to draw were cars and super hero characters, but mostly, I loved to draw floor plans to houses. I even bought magazines with house plan illustrations. I read though Architectural Digest and other books that pertained to the subject. Even my favorite classes in school were wood shop and art class because they allowed me to be creative.
My parents didn't make a lot of money during my childhood. My dad was a roofer and my mom stayed home to raise my brother and I. I remember meal tickets during my middle school years. We weren't poor by today's standards, but we weren't rich either. I didn't do very good in school. I mostly had a "C" average, with the occasional "D" in some subjects. Somehow, I knew when I entered high school, that I wasn't going to go very far after wards. My dad started talking about the military when I was a junior in high school. He and mom just simply couldn't afford to send me to college, and not having any achievements didn't help me much either. I pretty much buried the dream of being an architect when I was a senior. I figured I would just let the world determine my place and I would do my best at what ever I would become.
After high school, I entered the the U.S. Air Force in the Civil Engineering field. My job would be Liquid Fuels Mechanic which is basically a glorified gas station maintenance man. I was stationed at Kirtland Air Force Base in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The fuel system there was an out dated mechanical pump station that required a lot of maintenance, but was on the bottom of the funding list because of the base mission. We were a support base with no fighter aircraft, so most of the funding went to more important things. None the less, I still enjoyed my job and was just proud to be serving my country. After about a year of my enlistment, I started making friends in other career fields. One of my closest friends, David Cook, worked as a carpenter. He acknowledged my passion for construction and invited me to assist him in an off base project that he was working on. He was building a log house in the Sandia Mountains for his Pastor. This was no little cabin either. It was a 2,500 square foot home with a two car garage as well. If my memory serves me correctly, it took a little over four months to set all of the logs in place for the exterior walls of the house. This was in the late 80's, so pre-fab kits weren't in use yet. Once the shell of the home was raised, the interior walls were framed and the rest of the house was under roof within a couple of months. I remember how exhausting it was because most of the construction was done in the middle of the winter from sunup to sundown. Between the wind, cold temps and snow, winter's are brutal when you are in the valley of a mountain range. It was worth it though. This project gave me new vision and determination to do what ever it took to be a home builder/designer.
When I separated from active duty in the summer of '93, I transferred into the Air National Guard and enrolled into Cincinnati State's Architectural Engineering Program. Once I received my associates degree, I took a job with an engineering firm designing HVAC systems until I could get my feet in the door with an architectural firm. I spent my spare time studying house construction and designed floor plans of my own with my computer's CAD software. It wasn't long before I interviewed with a prominent architectural firm and was hired a drafter. Some of my accounts were Penn Station Restaurants, BW3's, Skyline Chili Restaurants and various warehouse projects as well. I loved my job at first, but that didn't last long. The company I worked for only had two other employees at the time, both of which were licensed architects. Within a year or two, the company added two more licensed associates. I longed to have some of the accounts that the other employees were given, but just didn't have the experience or the knowledge at the time. I began to grow bitter as I would spend ten or more hours a day at my computer doing design work that became repetitive and mundane to me. I wanted more! I wanted to get out in the field. I wanted to design and create things of my own.
I gave up on my dream of becoming an architect and made a career change into cabinetry construction. I worked for a couple of custom cabinetry shops for a few years before I decided to become a stay-at-home dad and start my own company as a side job. I have been doing my own thing now for the better part of ten years and have been blessed with the opportunity to create some really nice cabinetry for people; not to mention the friendships that I have established with those clients.
As this summer draws near it's end, my stay-at-home days will be over. Time for a new chapter in my life and time for some major career decisions. I am struggling with getting the work that I need to provide an income for my family. I am struggling with the thought of working for someone after being on my own for ten years. I still have a passion for architecture and I love building things with my own hands. I have even been considering going back into the Air Force to become a recruiter as a full time job and possibly doing some side work as a designer or a craftsman. If I did reenlist into the military, I would get all of my benefits back and I could retire in ten years. I feel very conflicted and scared, simply because I don't know what I should do or how to start doing it.

Here is a story I received in a devotion from my good friend, Jody Burgin. This story speaks volumes to my heart and gives me hope:

Brian Styer, wading in the shallow Pacific waters before a surfing session, had a life-altering encounter with a stingray. The stingray, with a wingspan estimated at 17 feet, fired its sharp barb through the surfer's left kneecap and out the back of his leg. For ten days, Styer, then 18, lay partially paralyzed, wondering if he would ever walk again. He did, after doctors removed a portion of the barb, declared him fit and released him.

But a sliver of the stingray's weaponry escaped detection and remained lodged in Styer's knee for more than a year. It caused fierce infection that invaded the surfer's entire leg, eroding muscle and bone. He nearly lost the limb.
12 years and 14 operations later, Styer was back on his board - dancing across the tops of the waves with the help of a custom-made alloy brace that supports and strengthens his virtually useless knee. He even realized a lifelong dream and qualified for a professional surfing contest. These days, he relies on a wide array of measures to minimize the pain, including icing the knee, ultrasound, and physical therapy. And while he sleeps each night, he wears a neurostimulator that essentially blocks the electrical impulses that inform the brain of the pain in his knee.

Drawing upon Styer's story, let me ask you a couple of personal questions:

1. What is your "lifelong dream"? Down deep inside your head, what hidden goal do you long to achieve? Think. State it to yourself. Picture it in your mind. Breakthrough living calls for a few dreams that pull us toward them.

2. How is your loyalty to that dream? Be honest. Have you started slacking off? Allowed a few obstacles to weaken your determination?

The surfer story speaks for itself., If that guy will go through all that to accomplish his dream, what can I say? Bring on the stingrays, Lord!

I have had my fair share of stingray attacks and setbacks in life. I have made some good choices and some bad choices, but all in all, I know that everything that I have encountered on my path in life has happened for a reason. I am excavating the dreams that I've once envisioned. I am dreaming again and thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. Whatever the outcome over the next couple of months, I will be grateful for what ever God provides for me and I will accept my purpose for His cause. At only forty years young, who knows, maybe my lifelong dream of becoming an architect or becoming a successful craftsman will come true.

Peace!

Kids at VBS Vineyard West Side 2010

2010-07-13T09:38:00.010-04:00

Welcome to Vineyard West Side's Vacation Bible School. This year's theme is called SUPER HERO EDITION. This is day one of a five day program that will teach kids about what it takes to be a hero that models the ultimate Super Hero of all - JESUS. I took a few pics of some of the activities that the kids enjoyed last night.

The Loss Of A Loved One

2010-07-03T21:39:00.007-04:00

I have said it before, and I will say it again. To some people, cars are more than just a means of transportation. They are more than just a hunk of metal. They are an extension of us. They are in our blood. They are an art form and also a creation of one's imagination. I get it that we can't take them with us when we die. I get it that they are just material objects. I really don't think God cares that we value or love such things, just as long as we don't value them over Him.

This particular car has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. Isn't it God that created us to dream? Isn't it God that created us to Love? I think God has joy for us when we are passionate about something. The only thing that I have loathed during my ownership of this vehicle (or any other for that matter), is people's opinions of what I should or should not do with it. To me, that is pure jealousy. To me, those people are the biggest hypocrites of them all. Why should they say, "Hey Nick, maybe you should get rid of your Mustang. Just think of the freedom that it would bring you". They have cast their negative thoughts at me. Not once did I hear this from God.

I made this car what it is. I had a vision and I created my version of this Saleen Mustang. It has very much become a part of me and it is unique because of me. I am thankful of the people who have helped me to put it together. I am thankful for those with the same passion, who appreciate a beautiful car.

I have set my price, high or not, because that is what it is worth to me. Actually, it is worth a helluva lot more, but I have to be realistic in a shitty economic market. I'm hoping that it doesn't sell, but I will be sincere and follow through if it does.

The last thing that I want to hear is a bunch of church people telling me that it will be alright. I already know that it will be alright, because ultimately I believe that God has a much better plan for me. Instead of telling me how it's going to be, I would much rather be asked, "Hey Nick, I sense that there is something wrong, is there anything that I can do for you"? I would much rather people let me vent without judging me.

The "Bug Guy"

2010-07-01T17:31:00.006-04:00

So, we had to have an exterminator come out this morning to take care of a flying ant problem in our basement. As I was walking him down to our basement, he mentioned that he lives here on the west side in the Delhi area. I showed him the problem area and went back upstairs to wait for him to finish.
It took Mike a few minutes to spray the treatment around the perimeter of the basement and then he came back upstairs. I decided to strike up a conversation with him, and what do you know, God decides to show up as well. Let me explain. I told Mike that he looked very familiar to me and then I asked him how long he had lived in Delhi and that's when he opened up. He told me that he rides his Harley around the area every chance that he gets, and I think that's why he looks so familiar to me. I may have seen him out on one of his evening cruises. He then shared that he had just recently been divorced and right at that moment, I thought about the group of guys that I meet with on Tuesday nights. I thought about some of the guys that would like to connect with this fella and how he would be a good fit for the group. I casually mentioned the group to him and he said that he would really like to come check it out. He told me that he believes that God created us all for a purpose and that maybe today was his calling, and that maybe he was destined to meet me.
Mike was also an Air Force man, like myself, and he was born and raised in Santa Fe, New Mexico. As most of you know, I was stationed in Albuquerque, New Mexico for four years. We talked about the southwest for several minutes and shared our desires to return there someday.
Mike also talked about his job a lot and how much that he has enjoyed doing it, but wished that he had made a career out of the Air Force. He told me that he is on the t.v. commercials for Sure Thing Pest Control and that all of the neighborhood kids know him as, the "Bug Guy".
I think we could have talked for hours but Mike had to report to his next job and I had things to take care of as well. I gave him one of our church's outreach cards and wrote my name and phone number on the back of it. I really hope Mike shows up this Tuesday at The Refuge for some coffee, cigars or even some Godly man connecting time. I for one, would love to hear more of his life's story.
I have to say that I have been blown away by all of the opportunities that God has provided for me to share His Gospel. I guess that's why they say, "Be careful of what you pray (ask) for, you just might get it".

1 Chronicles 4:10
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.

Peace!

Becoming MEN

2010-07-01T07:38:00.018-04:00

I believe that there is no better way for a father to spend some quality time with his boys, than being outdoors. There is something about being out in the wild, surrounded by God's beautiful creation, that seems so natural. If you want a better perspective on this, read "Wild at Heart", by John Eldredge.

My daughter was away (at Kings Island - luckeee) with one of her friends this past Monday, so I decided to do something manly with my boys. I took them to Miami Whitewater Forest to do a little hiking. Whitewater covers 4,329 acres and has three separate hiking trails. The trail that we chose was the Badlands Trail, which is a 1.8 mile loop with rugged terrain. As we ventured into the head of the trail, I immediately felt thankful for this opportunity. This is what quality time looks like with my children. I felt God's presence and was thankful for some quality time with Him as well.

Anthony, who is six years old, had the responsibility of controlling our dog's leash for this hike. He was very proud and excited that this was his job on this day. It was entertaining to watch a sixty pound dog pull a fifty pound kid through the woods. Dominick, now eleven, stayed by my side and asked me his normal amount of thousands of questions that run through his mind daily.

At one point in our quest, I noticed how much these guys are growing, and how much they have changed in the past several months. I saw the men that they are morphing into and I felt overwhelmed from the responsibility that I have had as a father to them. I'm not just raising my boys, I'm raising God's boys. I realized how important my role as a Godly man is to these guys. I once read an excerpt from my bible by Dr. Charles Swindoll and he states, "The reality is that God does not give us men - He gives us boys. To us, as parents, He gives us the task of forging these boys into men. And to help equip us for this task, God has provided the book of Proverbs, which is largely the advice of a father to his son". It is our job as men, to raise the Noahs, the Moses, the Abrahams, and the David's. It is our job to set Godly foundations for our sons so that they will recognize their calling from God as the men they were created to be.

Proverbs 2:1-11
Moral Benefits of Wisdom

My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,

turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding,

and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,

then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.

For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,

for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.

Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair—every good path.

For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.

Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.

Peace!

Devotion

2010-06-23T07:56:00.002-04:00

I posted a blog yesterday about a dream and vision of mine. I received this devotion this morning from my good friend and counselor, Jody Burgin, and just wanted to share it's message with you.

Tim Fatjo is into garbage. Oh, he hasn't always been. He used to be a quiet, efficient accounting executive playing it straight, dodging all risks, and settling down into a life of the predictable. But one day his mental wheels began to turn in response to a growing problem in his community.

The city had refused to pick up their garbage at the back door of their homes. A private company was having serious problems. So the garbage was starting to stack up. As harsh words were exchanged at the Willowbrook Civic Club in Houston, Tom had a crazy idea that kept rolling around in his head. That dream spawned a series of incredible thoughts that resulted in the purchase of a garbage truck.

The next ten years became an adventure for Tom you'd have trouble believing. That dream turned into the largest solid-waste disposal company in the world, Browing-Ferris Industries, Inc. The company has annual sales in excess of $500 million. Tom has also been instrumental in building over ten other large companies. And to think, it all started with an unthinkable, scary, absolutely crazy idea that refused to let him sleep.

That's the way it is with dreams. Especially when God is in them. They appear crazy. Placed alongside the logic, cost, and timing, dreams often don't make sense. They won't fly when you test them against the gravity of reality. And the strangest part of all: the more they are told "can't," the more they pulsate "can" and "will" and "must."

What's behind great accomplishments? Inevitably, great people. But what is in those "great people" that makes them different? It's certainly not their age or sex or color or heritage or environment. They are people who think differently. People whose ideas are woven into a meaningful pattern on the loom of dreams, threaded with colorful stands of imagination, creativity, even a touch of fantasy. They are among that band of young men the Scripture mentions "who will dream dreams and see visions."Stay alert today to dreams God may plant into your thinking. As you trust God and lean on his understanding, be ready for anything.

Lately, the timing of his devotions have been indescribable. It's almost as if Jody (or Someone more Divine) knows exactly what I'm thinking about, and is responding to my thoughts. This one blows me away!

Just wanted to share, and again, "Keep dreaming".

Peace!

Me . . . A Pastor?

2010-06-22T10:51:00.004-04:00

Have you ever felt like you were being called to do something or be something that you would never have imagined? Have you ever had a dream or a vision of doing something that really makes you uncomfortable? I have. In this most recent, re-occurring dream, I am standing in front of a large group of people and I am either giving a speech or teaching a lesson . As if I was some sort of a teacher or a Pastor. That terrifies me!

In one definition, the word Pastor means to be a Christian Minister or Priest having spiritual charge over a congregation or other group. In another, it simply means to be a shepherd. Do I see myself as being a Pastor? Not in a million years, nor would I want the responsibility of having 'spiritual charge' over a congregation or over anybody for that matter. But what about being a shepherd? Doesn't it essentially mean the same thing? A shepherd is defined as a person who cares for and guides a group of people, or a more familiar definition is, one who herds, guards, and tends sheep. The last time that I checked, I am quite sure that I don't guard or tend to sheep. But, I do have a small group of people that I care for and I find myself guiding them from time to time. That small group of people is a handful of men from my church who come together every Tuesday evening to bond and have community in the name of Jesus. One of my brothers in that group constantly kids me and calls me Pastor Nick.

One of things that I am constantly encouraging the men in that group, is to serve. In the book of Matthew 20:28, Jesus said, "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve". What if being a Pastor or shepherd meant nothing else other than to be a servant? Jesus was a Shepherd of men, but He was also a servant. He was constantly teaching people to put others before themselves.

In one of my most recent visions, I had this idea of inviting neighbors into our home just to connect with and serve them. Eventually, we would begin to share things on a deeper level and then start to pray for one another. That small group would turn into a large group, then a whole street, then an entire neighborhood, and so on and so on . . . This group of people, this community, would be come a healthy living church. A church of people constantly serving each other and those around them. A group that is constantly inviting those who are lost. A community of believers who care for and tend to and guard each other. Wouldn't that group, by definition, be considered a shepherd? Does the weight of a role and it's responsibilities have to fall on one person? Aren't we all the Body of Christ?

As I mentioned earlier, I have no desire in being the leader of a church. I love challenging and stretching the guys in my group, and I appreciate it when they do the same for me. I know that I have leadership qualities and I am most willing to use them when called to, but by no means do I think that I have the gift a teaching. And what about the dream? Who is this large group that I am standing before and what am I saying to them? I guess I will have to be patient and remain humble until God decides to ( IF He decides to) reveal it to me.

Until next time, Happy Dreams and,

Peace!

Slobs

2010-06-19T11:11:00.003-04:00

I was thinking about the "neat and tidy" image that I have created for myself. Growing up, I had the same requests from my parents as most kids: "Nick, is your bed made? Is your room clean"? I don't remember really being a "messy" person. In fact, I think I rather enjoyed cleaning. In high school, I even took a job with a local cleaning company to clean office buildings after hours, and I helped my neighbor to wash and detail cars on the weekends. Cleaning up was fun to me.

This ritual continued in my life through the years. I can safely say that it became an obsession. I remember hanging out with some of Air Force buddies in my dorm room and we were rocking out to some music when one of my friends went over to crank the decibels up even more and I told him to use his knuckles because I didn't want fingerprints left on my stereo controls. How sick is that? If we partied it up one evening, I would still wake up at the crack of dawn to clean up the mess that we had created. The sound of a vacuum at 7 o'clock in the morning, on a Saturday no less, really ticked my room mate off since he was hung over and just wanted to sleep in.

The obsession of being neat and tidy and in control has been a part of my entire adult life. It has become ingrained in me. Somehow, I think that if I can show how perfectly clean I am on the outside, then people will think that I have my life in order. They won't see the slob that I really am on the inside. They won't see the "messed up" stuff about me. My cleanliness has become a security blanket, and that same blanket covers up all of junk.

Recently, I have had my blanket torn away from me, leaving me exposed and naked, and busted in my messiness. My struggles with pornography - exposed. My struggles with pride - exposed. My struggles with control - exposed. Even my identity as who I am as a man - exposed. Things that I have been hiding for all of these years, no longer hidden under a blanket. All out there for everyone to see, and leaving me for the slob that I really am.

My good friend and mentor, Greg Hunter, once told me: "Nick, we're all slobs, you just don't know it yet". There is nothing better than having an older, wiser friend in your life to walk with you and share their experiences. I never really knew what Greg meant about that statement until God called me out on this. At the time, I really thought that he meant that I should stop vacuuming my living room so much.

I like the saying that we have at our church. "Come as you are, all are welcome". This means that we are all the same here. We are all messed up. If someone new comes to our church and thinks, "Finally, a perfect church. This is the place for me". They are in for a big surprise because it's not perfect. In fact, that same person messed it up a little bit more by thinking that when they got there.

The thing that I like most about our church is the grace given to those who fall short, which would be me. I am constantly saying or doing stupid things that hurt people in my church family. But there is grace, and for that I am most thankful. This is a learning experience for all of us, from now until the day Jesus returns. My struggle is extending that same grace when someone does not meet "my expectations", and my hope and my goal is to get better at extending it.

I can't wait to sell this house that we live in. I'm tired of living in it's perfectness, and even the neighborhood that it dwells in. I have failed in this arena. I think that God wanted us to be here to be an example to our neighbors, instead of standing out, I conformed. I tried to hide in it. I tried to pull my blanket back over my head. I fell into those false feelings of trying to hide all of my crap in the beauty and gaudiness of my perfect house. At first, I really enjoyed inviting people in to our home so they can see how everything was in order. I enjoyed cleaning over 3,000 square feet to impress them. It was all an effortless lie! Now my quest is to live as messy as I can. I want to let the kids build forts or drink fruit punch in the living room. I want to forget to make my bed every now and then. I want to be free of this control. I can't wait to see how messy I (we) can be in our next house and more importantly, in life.

Are you messy? Are you a slob? Or do you hide in your "cleanliness"?

Peace!

Short Story

2010-06-14T07:35:00.009-04:00

I just wanted to share a story of one event that took place last week. In my most recent blog "Disgust", I talked about how much I really enjoyed serving people and how I have developed fears that have blocked me from doing this. Not long after I wrote that post, God provided a chance for me to provide an act of kindness for someone.
I was taking Eleana and Anthony to Target to purchase a couple of small things that we needed for the day. As I was sitting at the light waiting to cross the intersection into the shopping center, I saw a man, wearing long drab green pants with a long sleeve shirt to match, walk up and sit down on the shaded side of the Target Sign. He took off his back-pack and pulled out a piece of cardboard with something written on it. I noticed the people in the cars on the opposite side of the intersection of me just watching him. I heard God say, "Well Nick, here is your chance, what will you do"? This was my chance to serve, and I didn't want to blow it again.
As we walked through Target looking for the things that we were intending to purchase, I was trying to think of a way to provide for this man. I thought of how hot it was going to be that day and what would be important to me. I took the kids into the food section and we picked up a huge bottle of Ice Mountain Water and a bag of pretzels. I was now on a mission and was determined to do this.
We payed for our items and headed for our car. I felt my feet getting cold and I began to wonder what I was going to say. There are usually a lot of cars at that light as well, filled with people impatiently waiting to exit the shopping center. As we began to approach the exit, I prayed that we would get a spot right next to the man and for some prolonged red light time.
Well, God came through. I was the only car to pull up at the light and I was right next to him. I rolled down my window and I said, "Excuse me sir. I just wanted to give you a small gift. It's just some water and some pretzels, and I thought it would help get you through the day". He said thanks and that he was really thirsty. That's when I noticed his cap. It was an issued U.S. Marine Corps field hat. I asked him if he was a veteran and he said yes. I asked which war, and he said Desert Storm. Immediately, I felt a lump form in my throat. I told him that I was a veteran of that war myself. I thanked him for his service and said "God Bless You", and then I drove off.
As I was driving away, I thought about two extremes. Here I am in Hummer H2, filled with many blessings in my life and here is a guy who has nothing. We both served in the same war. How was it fair that he has nothing now and I have so much? How did I get so lucky? Instead of feeling good about serving, I felt ashamed (disgusted) of my luck in life.
I think in God's big plan for my life, He knew that I would serve along side of my brothers in a war, and that someday much later, I would have to serve and pray for those same brothers. In the military, it is our creed to leave no man behind. Whether he is injured or killed, he is coming home with us. This brother is a fallen hero. It is my job to help him get home. It is my responsibility to pray for him. It is my duty and my honor to serve him!

Here is a post that I placed on facebook last week:
What if we stopped putting limits on what God can do, and started serving every chance we get to? The poor man on the corner, the waitress at the restaurant, the mom with the three screaming kids in the car at the gas station, the neighbor who complains all of the time, the boss who doesn't seem to care and even the rich man on the golf course - all God's children and all waiting to be shown an ARK: Act of Random Kindness.

Matthew 20:24-28
When the ten heard about this, they were indignant with the two brothers. Jesus called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

What chances are you given to serve?
Peace!

Disgust

2010-06-10T10:05:00.005-04:00

I have been reading "The Outward Focused Life" by Dave Workman for a second time now. The first time I read it, I pretty much just hurried through it and allowed most of the lessons and words bounce off of me. The words are penetrating now. The lessons in being outward focused and of serving have left me feeling convicted and disgusted with myself.
I have been on a journey of rediscovering who I am and why God designed me for a year now. It has been a year of transformation and painful realization. I used to be "outward focused". I used to love going to Saturday morning outreaches that The Vineyard would host. But somehow I got caught up in the rat race of self indulgence and forgot about serving others.
In one of his analogies, Dave Workman writes, "The Bible is very clear on this - and frankly, I think most of us are a little uncomfortable with it - that we exist for God's pleasure, God's purposes, not ours. That's why He made us. That's pretty humbling when you think about it". The more that I try to enjoy life on my terms, the less pleasure that I have had with my own existence. I'm not saying that God doesn't want us to enjoy life. I'm merely stating that He wants to be a part of it.
I sit in a $500,000 plus home, surrounded by high-end gadgets and comforted by luxuries and technology that I never would have fathomed as a young man. I am disgusted by all of it for the most part. My trip to Honduras was an eye opening and soul shattering experience. Serving the people of that country and being served by them was an experience that I will never forget. It's funny how easy it was to accumulate all of this stuff and now we can't sell any of it for what it was worth. I wake up every day, wondering if this is the day that God will deliver us from this. Wondering if I'm ready to really simplify my life and get back to serving. Waiting on God is one of the most humbling lessons one can endure. But maybe our waiting on Him is nothing compared to how long that He has waited on us.
I have actually developed a fear of serving or doing a small act of kindness. I used to take the kids to McDonald's (a lot) and I would occasionally hand the cashier a card that says "God Loves You" and ask him or her to pay for the car behind me and then hand them that card when they pull up to pay. It was an invigorating experience and I swear I could actually feel my heart grow. Recently, I have placed a stack of those cards in my truck and have told myself that when ever I go through a drive thru, I would pay for some one's meal. I have been to McDonald's three times now and have chickened out every single time. I found myself looking in my rear view mirror, studying the person behind me. What kind of car do they have? Is it beat up or new? Do they look poor or wealthy? Will they judge me? Does it even matter? As if it's my place to judge who is worthy of God's Love or not. Again, I am disgusted with myself and my lack of courage or love.
I will get back to where I used to be, and at the same time I will continue to grow into who I am destined to be. Our God is a Great God and his patience for me is comforting. In the words, "His Kingdom Come, His Will Be Done", is the goal that we should all set for ourselves.

Peace!

Can't Means Won't

2010-06-03T16:40:00.002-04:00

I was listening to the radio this morning and one of the radio personalities shared a story that happened to her this week while she was at the gym. Her trainer had asked her to try a new exercise that she was not familiar with. She told her trainer that she can't do that. Her trainer simply looked at her and said, "Can't means won't".
How many of us use that excuse? "I can't spend time with my kids today because I have to work". "I can't do that outreach at church today because I just don't have enough time". "I can't help you move". "I can't solve that problem". And so on and on we continue to say we can't, when in all reality, we probably could have. We probably did have enough time, we just chose not to do something because we didn't feel like doing it.
This is not a blanket statement. I'm not saying that there are things that we simply cannot do. I'm just saying that sometimes we choose not to do some things because there may be risk or effort involved. I am constantly inviting my kids to try new things and I get the "I can't do that" excuse a lot. Sooner or later, they try and they succeed, and they realize how much fun or rewarding new things can be.
Just something to think about when someone asks us to do something. Maybe "I will try" should be our response when asked to do something that we haven't done before. At least when we try, we will know if we can or cannot do. "
"I will try to be more positive". "I will try to lend someone a hand today". "I will try to make new friends". I will try versus won't. What if God asks us to do something that is risky (and He will because He always does), and we say "I can't do that". I personally believe that He wouldn't ask us to do it if He didn't believe that we could. After all, He is God, and He knows what we can or cannot do anyway. We are telling Him that "we won't do it" and we are missing out on something big. What father isn't disappointed when his children won't try to do something when he believes that they can do it? I think this is how God feels when His children say "I can't" or "I won't".

What are the things that you can't do? Or should I say that you won't do or at least try to do?

Peace!

Journey

2010-05-20T06:36:00.012-04:00

I was walking through Mitchell Memorial Forest yesterday in search of some wildlife to capture some photos of. As I began my journey, I immediately felt the presence of God and He began speaking to me. He reminded me of the journey that I have been on lately. I thought about how long and unending the journey seemed at first.

He reminded me that when I started this journey, I felt all alone. I knew that I wouldn't be though. I knew that He would be there to carry me or just give me a place to rest.

Along the way, I've encountered some indescribable beauty and some more recognizable beauty. I knew that He could only be credited for such beauties.

I came to a place where I was reminded of my brokenness.

And in the midst of feeling broken, I knew that I was surrounded by those who still stood tall and strong.

At one point, I came to place where I could look back and I remembered how alone I felt when I started this journey. I knew that He was right there with me, looking down on me the whole time.

As I neared the end of my walk, I looked ahead and saw that some people were finishing before me. Older, wiser and further along in their journey's; I heard Him say to me that I will get there someday soon and that I wouldn't be alone when I finish.

Ghost Hunting . . .

2010-05-17T17:55:00.004-04:00

Have you seen the show "Ghost Hunters" on the Sci-Fi channel? This is a reality show where, a group of paranormal investigators led by Jason Hawes search out popular haunt sights to prove the existence of ghosts. Yes, I said . . . GHOSTS . . . Really! I have not watched a full episode because of my beliefs, but I have stopped on the channel during a show just out of curiosity and my first thought was how much of this show is "produced" or in other words, being made up for entertainment purposes only?

Before I go any deeper into this subject, let me clarify where I stand on this. I am a Christian and a follower of Christ Jesus. I am not a Bible scholar but I have read enough and know of scripture that clearly speaks out on this topic. So, what does the Bible say about ghosts or hauntings? Here are some Bible truths that relate to hauntings and visits by the spirits of dead people. There are only a few incidents that deal with the living having contact with a "dead" person.

a) In 1 Samuel 28:7-19, King Saul seeks a woman with a familiar spirit (demon) to inquire of Samuel about what to do. That she actually manages to communicate with the dead shocks her (v. 12) indicating to me that it did not previously happen.

b) In Matthew 17:1-8, Peter, James and John see Moses and Elijah with Jesus for a brief period of time.

c) In Luke 16:19-31 Jesus tells the story of the rich man and Lazarus. In this story we learn of there being two compartments for the dead until the Great White Throne Judgment. Also in the story the rich man asks for Lazarus to be sent back to warn the living. Moses says it would do not good because if they will not believe God's written word, they will not believe though one should rise from the dead.

From the above three passages of Scripture, I would conclude that there are compartments in which the spirits of the dead dwell for now and that while there are a few instances in which God allowed interaction between the living and the dead, those situations were very rare and not nearly as common as contact between people and angelic beings.

Most importantly, Luke 16:27-31 indicates that no human spirits are allowed to return to visit the living without permission, and if permission is not granted for the purpose of warning people to flee from the wrath to come, it would not be given for trifling reasons.

I recently entered the question "Is there such a thing as ghosts" on an internet search engine and here is the answer that I was given by one of the websites:
The answer to this question depends on what precisely is meant by the term “ghosts.” If the term means “spirit beings,” the answer is a qualified “yes.” If the term means “spirits of people who have died,” the answer is “no.” The Bible makes it abundantly clear that there are spirit beings, both good and evil. But the Bible negates the idea that the spirits of deceased human beings can remain on earth and “haunt” the living.

Hebrews 9:27 declares, “Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment.” That is what happens to a person’s soul-spirit after death—judgment. The result of this judgment is heaven for the believer (2 Corinthians 5:6-8; Philippians 1:23) and hell for the unbeliever (Matthew 25:46; Luke 16:22-24). There is no in-between. There is no possibility of remaining on earth in spirit form as a “ghost.” If there are such things as ghosts, according to the Bible, they absolutely cannot be the disembodied spirits of deceased human beings.

The Bible teaches very clearly that there are indeed spirit beings who can connect with and appear in our physical world. The Bible identifies these beings as angels and demons. Angels are spirit beings who are faithful in serving God. Angels are righteous, good, and holy. Demons are fallen angels, angels who rebelled against God. Demons are evil, deceptive, and destructive. According to 2 Corinthians 11:14-15, demons masquerade as “angels of light” and as “servants of righteousness.” Appearing as a “ghost” and impersonating a deceased human being definitely seem to be within the power and abilities that demons possess.

So, back to my original question: How much of this show "Ghost Hunters" is produced? How much of it is made up for entertainment purposes? What are the risks of this type of entertainment? It may seem like a harmless t.v. show, but what these guys are going after is not something that should be messed with. Sadly enough, interest in the paranormal has become increasingly popular. Having a reality show that headlines in this category makes it seem normal to have hauntings or paranormal activity. Quija boards, psychics, séances, and tarot cards are also considered normal these days. These are all mediums used to invite the involvement of demons into one's life. Is this the type of "entertainment" that we should be participating in? NO, rather we are to be consumed by the word of God (Psalm 119), with knowing Christ (Philippians 3:8-10), serving Him as living sacrifices (Romans 12:1-2), and seeking to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:18-20, etc.). The only freedom that the lost can have from sin and the devil is through that found in Christ alone (John 8:32-36; Romans 6:16-23; Ephesians 2:1-10). It is His gospel that we need to concentrate on sharing with others. That gospel is the power of God for deliverance from sin and Satan (Romans 1:16; 1 Corinthians 1:18).

That's my thoughts on ghosts . . .

Peace!

Effort

2010-05-07T08:38:00.006-04:00

I was riding my mountain bike at Mitchell Memorial Park bike trail yesterday when I came across this fellow taking a rest about two miles into the trail. I said hello as I went past him and he asked me how I was doing. I didn't want to stop or slow down because the trail was very muddy from the previous evenings' rain which makes it harder to keep momentum, so I quickly answered "fine, as long as I don't spill in the mud".
I noticed how big the guy was and thought to myself he is never going to make it through the whole trail. He probably weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds, and his bike looked out dated as well which means it was heavy too. Obviously this guy felt inspired to get some exercise and was determined to ride the trail on this day. The trail is a four mile loop which was designed for amateur or intermediate riders. It has a couple of good hill climbs and one short bridge to cross over, but nothing too extreme. It has been there for about three years now and gets better with age as the ground wears making roots protrude, and all of the other debris that nature naturally provides over the years. Add a little rain into the mix to create some good mud and it becomes pretty challenging, even for experienced riders.
I was going around for my second trip when I realized that I had not passed the guy yet again. As I was approaching the end of the trail I could see him exiting the woods up ahead of me. I caught up to him just as we reached the parking lot. Again, no deep conversations because we were both exhausted and were trying to catch our breath, but I told him that it was a good ride. He agreed as he began to load his bike onto it's rack. His shirt was completely saturated with sweat. His heavy cargo shorts were covered with sweat and mud as well as his old sneakers. He told me to take care and then got into his Jeep and drove off.
I started to think about and admire how the guy made it through the trail. I really didn't think that he would. His effort and determination impressed me. Most guys his size would not attempt to ride that muddy trail let alone even get on a bike and exercise. His effort also inspired me to push myself even harder. I hope to run into the guy again. I would like to ask him what inspires him.

Luke 9:23-25:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?
NOW THAT'S TRUE EFFORT!

Peace!

Two Hours

2010-05-01T12:52:00.004-04:00

I have been examining my generosity this past week. I used to consider myself a generous person. I gave when ever I had the chance to give whether it meant offering my time, lending a helping hand or tithing without feeling guilty about it. My wife and I even gave a minivan to a friend who needed one at the time. I have never even fathomed the thought of giving a car away, but I have to admit, we did it without hesitating and it felt awesome.
Somehow, over the course of the past few years, my generosity has turned into greed. I think this has been a slow process, but it is ever so obvious to me now. Instead of offering my time, I would rather do nothing. Instead of lending a hand, I have wondered "What's in it for me"? Instead of tithing, I have wasted our finances away not even saving a penny.
I am in the process of making changes in my life to get back to being a generous person. I am trying offer as much of me as possible. I am trying to focus on not gaining anything in return. I started tithing again at the beginning of this year, and that feels good. But I am struggling with all of it. I can't help but wonder if God will reward me for this behavior. I have been burnt by having selfish motives in the past and it is a hard habit to get rid of.
Jesus has always taught us that it is better to give than to receive. 2 Corinthians 9 reminds us of God's promise of a bountiful harvest to those who sow bountifully. The key is to not expect anything in return or not to hoard what we have. We are called to be joyful givers, not careful conservatives.
Last night, Ann and I spent the best two hours together for the first time in a long time. Our friend Whitney Woodburn, who once nannied for us, called and offered to take the kids out for putt-putt and ice cream so that Ann and I could have some time alone together. Whitney and her husband Paul are two of the most generous people that I know, and what they gave us last night was a well needed gift. My eyes and my heart were reminded of what it is like to be that generous and it has created a desire for me to give.
So, what is stopping you from being generous? Do you feel guilty when you give or joyful? Do you believe that God wants to bless you for being generous? Just some things to think about as you examine your own generosity. God has given us so much and we don't even deserve it. He has even paid the ultimate price for us by giving His life for ours.

Thank you Whitney and Paul! You two are perfect examples of Jesus on display!

Peace!

Bumper Sticker

2010-04-27T14:53:00.003-04:00

This is a bumper sticker. At first glance, it sounds pretty cool. But really think about it. Are we really that proud that He is just the co-pilot? Do we really sit at the wheel as if we don't need His advice? As if we are saying: "Jesus, You sit there and look at the map. We I need Your help, I will ask for it." Shouldn't it be the other way around? I would rather He sat at the wheel and piloted me through my life. He is not a divine navigational system. He is not the "co-pilot" of anything. He is the Pilot. He is in charge! He already knows the direction and the outcome of my life. Jesus is a Humble Leader and He is willing to lead us from His thrown. If He is humble enough to actually lead us, then we should be humble enough to FOLLOW Him.

Jesus take the wheel!

Peace!

The Fight

2010-04-26T15:32:00.006-04:00

Round One

Ephesians 1:11-12
In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory. (He is in control!)

Round one revealed my biggest opponent. It was my control versus God. One of the hardest things about my trip to Honduras was the loss of my control. I knew this going into it, and it wasn’t a soft blow either. God straight up jabbed me with a knockout punch. He came straight for me and didn’t waste any time. I was barely out of my corner when He delivered the punch. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had absolutely no control over anything while on my mission trip, and that I was going to have to render myself to God and allow Him to be in control. I immediately knew that I was in the fight of my life and it was going to be a hard one.

I have controlled everything in my life. I think it is a result of being denied almost everything as a child and the independence I gained when I went into the military. Going from one extreme to the other was a pretty drastic change. I went from being a child at home under my parent’s law to being a free young man in the US Air Force. I still had rules that I had obey but I was in charge of myself. I had my own dorm room, my own car, purchased my own groceries and did my own laundry. I was in control of my own little world, and I liked it. It became a huge part of me. I became obsessive about everything that I did. Everything had to be perfect, which was also a quality that the military instilled in me.

As I matured through my military years, so did the need for my control. I became controlling over my friends. I chose favorites and tried to rule over those whom I felt were less important than me. I was pushy and I was a fake. I behaved differently around various ethnic and social groups to gain their friendship. If I couldn’t control them, I ridiculed them. I was my own worst enemy.

After four years of active duty, I separated and went back to civilian life in my hometown. Returning home felt good. Most of my friends were still there, doing the same old things as when I left. It felt like I had time warped four years into the future. I took a job as a maintenance man at a retirement home just as a means to earn some cash. I really had not planned anything as to what I was going to do upon my separation. I just took one day at a time and rolled with it. Then it happened. I met Ann Lauer. I fell in love and huge chunk of my world fell apart. I had never really been in love before but I was certain she was “The One”. I couldn’t eat for days and all I could think about was her. We talked on the phone for hours, mostly because she lived in Cincinnati and I in Columbus. She made me feel alive and wanted.

I soon realized that the woman I was in love with was a leader. She graduated top in her class from Ohio State, she was in management at Macy's (then Lazarus), and she had plans for her future. She was in control of her world. My world seemed insignificant compared to hers. I really had no plans, I separated from the one job that I loved, I had no college education and I was living with my parents working a crappy job. I felt inferior to her, but I was in love with her. So I packed up my stuff again and headed south for Cincy. The only thing that was important to me was being with Ann and I was willing to take a chance on love even if it meant starting over with nothing again. But how long would it be until my need for control would arise again? How long until I controlled the one that I loved the most? . . .

The Fight

2010-04-26T11:53:00.002-04:00

Making of a Fighter

We all had our heroes when we were younger. Some of us chose Super Heroes, other’s looked up to law enforcement or firemen, and some of us wanted to be military heroes. My hero was Rocky Balboa. I remember jogging around my neighborhood in my sweat clothes and wearing a cross around my neck that was similar to the one Sylvester Stallone wore in ROCKY. I even went so far as to tell new friends that Sylvester was my uncle.

I always wanted to be a fighter, but I wasn’t exactly a right fit for the sport. First off, I was afraid of being hit, I only weighed 135 pounds as a senior in high school, and I was a four eyed geek. I didn’t fit the boxer mold at all, but I still loved the sport. I remember watching the greats: Ali, Foreman and of course no one will forget Mike Tyson. Those guys were all heroes by my definition.

It’s been years since those days. Boxers have come and gone, and sequels to the ROCKY saga have continued up to a couple of years ago. During that time, I have been through a lot of changes in my life. I served in the US Air Force for ten years, received a college degree in architectural engineering, got married, had three kids and even found Christ. The only sports I ever played were leisure ones. Backyard football was my favorite growing up, I power lifted in the military, played racquet ball occasionally, and I used to run a lot until my knees started hurting. I have never considered myself an athlete by any means. That all changed when a friend of mine invited me to go on a bike ride a couple of years ago. The ride was supposed to be ten miles out and ten miles back, I lasted about four miles. Not long after that, I entered into my first triathlon. The event was a six mile canoe, six mile run, eighth mile hill climb and eighteen mile bike ride. Let’s just say that I finished. I ride as much as I can now, on and off road, and enjoy the sport very much. But there was still something missing. Still a part of me waiting to be discovered.

It has been a year since I participated in a mission trip to Honduras. The guy who was leading us on the trip is an old school boxer and currently trains people in Muay Thai and kick boxing. We were introduced to some of the moves as part of our physical training to prepare us for the trip. I was immediately hooked, on the training that is. I approached our leader (Vinny) and asked him if I could continue training when we returned from Honduras. He gladly accepted. I jumped right into the training and it was no easy task. The physical part was not as challenging as the mental stuff. Trying to memorize all of the techniques is hard for someone who has never fought before. Just when things were finally starting to come to me, I had to back out. Financial reasons required me to make some changes and paying for Muay Thai lessons didn’t fit into the plan. I still continue to train and practice everything that I have learned in my basement and at the gym, but there is no advancement. I feel like I failed as a fighter. The thing is, I had yet to realize what my real fight would be . . .

SIX

2010-04-15T06:46:00.008-04:00

Anthony turned six years old yesterday. Although, his day had a pretty rough start. He was playing outside in the yard and he twisted his ankle right before we had to leave for school. About an hour before he was to return home from school, I received a call from the school nurse saying that he had ran into a pole on the playground and bumped his head pretty bad. Oh well, what better way to end the day - a cup full tokens, two best buddies (Owen and John) and that wonderful pizza at Chuck E Cheeses.

MONSTER

2010-04-13T15:49:00.004-04:00

I have been out of sorts lately. My counselor started a new exercise with me a couple of weeks ago, one that would challenge me to think of my past abusiveness. This is not easy. Thinking of people that I have intentionally hurt and how I hurt them is a difficult task. And to top it all off, throw in the effect that pornography has wreaked in my life as well.

I feel like dirt. I feel like a MONSTER!

I guess this has to be done though. The old me has to be exposed to the fullest in order to discover the new me. As I dive into this journey, I am first and foremost praying that God keeps me humble. I am asking for a lot of grace. Not only from God, but from my readers (all 8 of you) as well. And of course, forgiveness will be required on all parts.

That being said; Mike Huddy is a good friend of mine, or at least he was. I grew up with this guy since the 5th grade. We did everything together: we were both artistic, had the same taste in bikes and cars, same taste in music and we were both kinda clumsy outcasts. When there was nothing to do, we just hung out. We were best buddies. Somewhere around the 7th or 8th grade changes started to occur. We each had other friends that we didn't care for. We also had enemies as well. Mike seemed to have a few more than me and it became easier for me to gain up on Mike with the kids who didn't like him. I did it to gain popularity with those kids so that they wouldn't pick on me. I did it at Mike's expense. At the time it didn't bother me. Mike always rolled with the punches and somehow our friendship remained. Looking back, I really don't know why Mike liked me so much. It seems like I was probably his worst enemy most of the time. Time goes on, kids grow up and go their separate ways and things get swept aside. I don't talk much to Mike anymore. I have lived in a different city than him for 21 years. I still chat with him every now and then on facebook (I call it wastebook), but that's about it. About a year ago, I said something really mean to him. I criticized his lifestyle and basically told him to grow up. That's not what a real friend says to another. I intended it to be entirely different. I still love the guy and was just concerned for him. But how I plan to say things and how I actually say them are two entirely different methods.
"Mike, I have a feeling you will be reading this. I hope you don't mind me putting you on the spot. I really feel bad about how I treated you. I know we are in different places in life now, but it would mean a lot to me if you would accept my deepest apology? I am sorry!"

Next up would be my parents. This is a really tough one. The two people in the world that I am supposed to honor the most. The two people that raised me despite all of the crappy circumstances that they lived through. My dad was a roofer and my mom stayed home. I remember food stamps and second hand clothes. I know that I loved my parents, but as I got older my respect for them grew thinner. My mom became an easy target for me to ridicule. Especially in front of my friends. I really don't know what I was thinking half of the time. I'm sure it didn't make me look as cool as I thought it did. I've always favored my dad probably because I feared him. Back then it was common to get a whooping or an ass beating when I did something wrong. As I grew into a teenager my opinions of them got worse. I separated myself from them as much as I could. Now, it's the separation that kills me. We live in Cincinnati, they still live in Columbus. I only see my parents once or twice a year. I miss them - deeply! I miss the conversations that my mom and I would have. I miss trying to make my old man proud of me. I miss seeing their faces. It hurts. I often think of the folk song "Cat's In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin. Life gets so busy and time gets away.
"Mom and Dad, I am sorry for ever being a troublesome teenager. I'm sorry for the insults and cheap shots. I am a lesser man for it. I hope you can accept my apology. I love you! You ARE both great parents".

My wife. My beautiful bride. I waited 23 years for God to bring her into my life. 23 years of scaring girls away with my looks or my falseness. 23 years of hiding the monster that I have become. I vowed that I would never hurt her. I vowed that I would love her unconditionally. I vowed that I would love and respect her, and I tried. I thought I was doing fine. Sure, we've had our ups and downs. Sure, I'm a man and I'm going to say and do stupid things. But what went wrong? Maybe the question should be: What was wrong? I was broken inside. I had a false image of what women should be. This is where the pornography comes in. All of those fake bodies and false acts of sex became my obsession. I was a virgin when I met my bride to be (except for a one night stand that didn't turn out to be much). But I was already damaged from years of viewing porn and I developed a false expectation of what women want. I thought of them as sex objects. And the funny thing is that I couldn't even get any sex, which made me disrespect girls even more so. I don't know why girls didn't like me very much when I was growing up (except for my ugliness and dorkiness), but they did. My fantasy world of porn never let me down. I brought all of that into my marriage. Everything seemed to be fine for the first couple of years. Our sex life was healthy and I managed to keep my porn addiction at bay. But then kids were born, lifestyles changed and bodies changed. I let my meanness resurface. I said abusive and disrespectful things, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. My love for my wife became conditional. I hurt her and made her feel worthless and unwanted. I was at my lowest. I don't know why she still stands by me, but she does. She has always believed in me, even when I didn't. She has always modeled unconditional love for me and I didn't deserve it. She has forgiven me even when I can't forgive myself. She is Jesus on display. I am lucky to have her. I am blessed by her love. It doesn't come free though. There is a price. Boundaries have been set and trust has to be regained. Which leads to the here and now. I have been receiving counsel since November. I have made a lot of progress with my control issues, my pride, my stubbornness and selfishness. Dealing with my abusiveness and porn addiction is just the next step. I have allowed God to painfully chisel into my heart and perform His glorious transformation of me. It has been difficult and at times I have felt like giving up. But I still have some fight in me and I'm not done until the Good Lord says that I am.

I don't know if anybody actually reads this blog (outside of my friends), but if you do, and you are addicted to porn or any other destructive behavior . . . RUN! Get out of it as soon as possible. Find someone that you trust and that you can open up to. Get counseling from a Christian counselor. Seek help somehow. And pray! Ask God to help you with your addiction. Ask him to reveal the monster in your life. Once the monster is exposed, pray for transformation. I will be praying for you, because you are worthy.

Peace!

Random Pics

2010-04-08T09:03:00.021-04:00

Just wanted to share some of the photos that I have taken with my new camera. These were all shot with an 18-55mm lens, which is the only lens that I have at this moment. As I gain more experience, I will purchase better lenses to capture my shots. Enjoy.

First time I've ever captured lightning in a photo.

Anthony having fun.

BIG hair Lanie.

Dominick's passion.

Coco just turned 3.

The bee flew away too soon.

Next: David Letterman's stupid human tricks.

Dependent

2010-04-06T06:52:00.007-04:00

I have been sick now since Friday. I was out to dinner with my family and a friend when some kind of flu attacked me, and boy did it hit me hard. It started with a runny nose and a lot of sinus congestion and within a couple of hours I was experiencing chills, heat flashes, body aches and cramps, extreme nausea . . . OK, you get the picture. It was just a few weeks ago that I felt the same symptoms, but not as extreme.
I have become dependent on every kind of cold and flu drug that there is. I hate being sick, but I hate taking medicine even more. I have taken so much crap the past few days, I don't even know what's working or in this case, not working. I have been taking Emergen-C, Cold-Eeze, Vitamin C (about 3,000mg a day), Ibuprofen, migraine pills, and I made a trip to the ER on Sunday only to come away with a prescription for Sudafed (the Doctor there said "It looks like you just have a really bad cold". I'm so glad that he was getting paid a boat load to tell me what I already know).
I was reading my book "Facing Your Giants" [by Max Lucado] when I came across this paragraph:
So David leaves, and Saul calls off the hunt. David defects into the hands of the enemy. He leads his men into the land of idols and false gods and pitches his tent in Goliath's back yard. He plops down in the pasture of satan himself.
Initially, David feels relief. Saul gives up the chase. David's men can sleep with both eyes closed. Children can attend kindergarten and wives can unpack the suitcases. Hiding out with the enemy brings temporary relief.
Doesn't it always?
Stop resisting alcohol, and you'll laugh - for a while.
Move out on your spouse, and you'll relax - for a time.
Indulge in the porn, and you'll be entertained - for a season.
But the talons of temptation sink in. Waves of guilt crash in. The loneliness of the breakup rushes in. "There's a way of life that looks harmless enough; look again - it leads straight to hell. Sure, those people appear to be having a good time, but all that laughter will end in heartbreak" (Prov. 14:12-13 MSG).

In this paragraph, David is giving up on God and himself. He is running out of trust and getting tired of running from Saul. He throws himself into the hands of his enemy thinking Saul will give up the hunt. He becomes dependent on the false idols and the enticing temporary relief that they bring. This got me to thinking about the false idols that I have had in my life. And as corny as it may sound, it got me to thinking about the false remedies for my flu. Every single label of the meds that I have been taking reads, "temporarily relieves". In a few short days, I have become dependent on every one of these temporary reliefs only to feel continually miserable.
My only hope was to refer to the ultimate Doctor. I started praying and rebuking the illness. I didn't receive any miraculous healing, but I did start to feel some gradual relief. The fever went away. The body aches ceased in intensity. The runny nose, well, it's still there but it's not as bad. And for the first time in four nights, I was able to breathe and experience rest. I guess that if I weren't a believer I could just write all of this off and say that it is just a result of all of the medicine that I have been taking. I say "Not". I say "Thank You Jesus".

New Toy

2010-04-01T17:10:00.008-04:00

I purchased a new camera this week. Actually, I sent our old one back to Canon to get repaired and they offered to use it as a trade in on an upgraded model. It is a refurbished Canon EOS Rebel XS. I got it for half the price of a new one. My hopes now are to learn how to use it and to add some pretty good media to my blog. I know how to take pictures if it's in Auto Mode, but I'm not experienced with aperture or shutter speed yet. I've been reading the manual and experimenting with it all day and I have to say that the picture quality is much better than our old camera. This is just an entry level digital SLR, but that is good enough for me and I am excited to start using it. Here are some of it's features:

* 10.1 effective megapixel APS-C CMOS sensor.
* DIGIC III Image Processor.
* 2.5-inch TFT color LCD monitor with 230,000-dot resolution.
* Live View shooting.
* Wide-area 7 point AF with center cross-type sensors.
* EOS Self Cleaning Sensor Unit.
* Continuous Drive up to 3 frames per second for as many JPEG files or up to 1.5 frames per second for 5 RAW files or 4 RAW+JPEG files.
* ISO sensitivity 100–1600.
* Canon EF/EF-S lenses.
* NTSC/PAL video output.
* File formats include: JPEG, RAW (12-bit Canon original).
* Canon LP-E5 battery pack, battery life (shots per charge) approx. 190–600 without flash or 180–500 with 50% flash use.
* Approx. weight 0.450 kilograms (0.99 lb).

The Good Years

2010-03-30T16:58:00.003-04:00

We went to Anthony's spring concert last night. I love school programs for kindergartners. They remind me of my youth. If anybody has ever wondered what I was like when I was a kid, this is a good comparison. Here is a video of my little man singing his school songs. Watch the clinching of his hands while he sings.

Praying

2010-03-29T16:59:00.003-04:00

I have been praying differently lately. I have been asking God to help me with the things that need to fixed about me: my control, my pride, my judgment. I have even been getting on my knees at the side of my bed and saying the "Our Father" as an intro to my nightly prayer before I go to sleep. I have asked God to let me see the world with His eyes, and He has been answering that prayer for me, especially in the gym where I work out. I have just started to pray for the gift of healing. I still pray for selfish things, like the sale of our house, but my focus is on what He can do with the situation and not what I think that I can do with it.
I firmly believe that God does answer prayers. He answers them in His time and not ours. Some doors He will open and some He will close. He knows what is best for us. I receive a daily devotional from my counselor and as usual, the timing of some of them have been amazing! Divine appointments and answered prayers in themselves. Here is the one that I just received on Friday:

C.S. Lewis once said that we can bear to be refused but not ignored. In other words, our faith can survive many refusals if they really are refusals and not mere disregards. God always hears us. God always answers our prayers. His answers are yes, no, or wait. When we complain that God does not answer our prayers, we really mean that we cannot tolerate a negative answer. Most of our prayers are selfish requests or misguided petitions that need refusals. God hears us only too well.

As a father may hear his son plead for a dangerous firearm and refuse it, knowing the child is too young to be trusted with a gun, so too our Father in heaven in the same wisdom may not give what we ask for. God gives what we need, not what we want. He may give us the very no we need to accept in order to wait until we are ready. Often, an indication of our readiness for deeper connection with the Almighty is when we stop disregarding past harms we caused others and make things right as appropriate.

As we become more intimate with God, we discover that he is more open to "make me" prayers than "give me" prayers. Part and parcel of molding, shaping and making me into a person whose heart beats for God is removing past infirmities that taint the masterpiece he is creating. He is much more interested in making us vitally connected with him than in giving us what we want. We would do much better to ask to be made over than given unto. We need changing, not spoiling. After all, if we pray, the answer is really God's will, not ours. He really does know best, and he really does answer.

Father, thank You for prayers that are answered and unanswered. You are in control and I trust You. In Jesus, Amen!
Peace!

Do You Trust Me?

2010-03-23T07:42:00.003-04:00

Our marriage, the sale of our home, our kids safety and well being, our health, even my work. These are all things that I am trusting God with, or at least saying that I trust Him with. Trusting Him isn't always easy. Especially in those moments of my own selfish needs and my human timing of things. I often find that my trust is conditional and if I don't get the results I want, when I want them, then I begin to question His love for me.

It has been almost a year now since my trip to Honduras. I had to let go of a lot of control in my life and just trust that God was going to show up during that trip. And He did,...BIG time! I remember the simplicity that I witnessed in Honduras. It seems the less stuff that the people had, the happier they were. It was almost as if it was easier for the Hondurans to trust God with their lives because they had less to complicate things. They didn't have to worry about making a car payment. They didn't even have an electric or water bill. They are trusting God to provide them with meals, clothing and shelter; and He is.

So I'm at church this past weekend and the words "DO YOU TRUST ME" pop up on the big screen behind the stage. Immediately I hear Him ask me, "Well, do you?" So I start praying (which is a pretty good thing to do when you hear God's voice), "I want to God". "I'm trying really hard to trust You". And then I got to thinking about all of this work I've been doing with my counselor to let go of my control. If I assume that I am in control of everything, my ability to trust is greatly reduced. Then I realize how out of control that I really am. I am not in control of my marriage. I am not in control of the sale of my home. I can only do so much to assure my kids safety and well being. I can only control my health by eating right and exercising, but that doesn't completely eliminate the risk of disease. I can only do the work that God provides for me to do (and only He can provide that for everybody). Bottom line is that He is in control of everything and I have a lot to trust Him with.

Think of all of the Biblical figures that had to trust God. Moses and the Israelites stood knee deep in the Red Sea and trusted God to deliver them out of Egypt and from the Pharaohs tyranny. David placed great trust in his God when he stood before Goliath in battle. Noah built an ark in the middle of a forest at the risk of his own humility, and God came through for him. Jesus faced the cross and changed how we are affected by sin forever by trusting in His Abba.

Father, I humbly come to you and ask for forgiveness of my stubborn pride. Lord, take control from me. Give me strength to believe in you and allow you to be in control. And God, I trust You! I trust you with every aspect of my life. If I start to doubt Lord, please send me a reminder. You can have Your way Father. Thank you! In Jesus' name, Amen.

At The Gym, Again . . .

2010-03-15T17:44:00.005-04:00

He towers at about six feet, five inches tall and weighs close to two hundred and fifty pounds. He is an African-American man with a shaved head and ink all over his arms. One eye is permanently glassed over with no pupil or retina and is surrounded by scarred skin. He has a gold tooth. His clothes are usually a white tank-top, baggy blue work trousers and suede leather work boots. He constantly paces back and forth between exercise machines listening to what sounds like hard rap music coming through his ipod headphones. He goes by the name of "L" and he is a warrior.
I met "L" a few months ago during my arm workout at the gym. He and a buddy of his were doing machine preacher curls when I approached them and asked if I could do a few sets with them. They were using moderately heavy weight and they were doing the curls single armed. I have been in the gym long enough to know that if you man up and hang with somebody during their "lift", you can gain their respect. Before we knew it, we were doing single arm curls with 75 pounds. I fought through each painful rep dripping with sweat. We finished, and "L" looked at me and smiled. He stuck out his fist and I reached out with my fist to hit his. No words were needed, it is a guy's way of saying "good going or congrats". Later in the locker room I introduced myself and he did the same. His name is actually Elrod, but his street name is "L".
The first thing that you will notice about "L" is not his scarred eye or his scary size, it's that he always has a smile on his face. Whenever he sees me, he approaches to greet me as if he is excited to see me. Our conversations have been brief with the typical questions such as: "Where do you work?" and "How many kids do you have?" I have been waiting for just the right time to ask him to share his life story, and if he is a follower. Today, I took a small step and asked him if he is a church going man. He lit up! I didn't think that his smile get could any bigger, but it did. He told me that his dad is a Baptist Preacher and that they just started a church in northern Kentucky. I think that he said that they started two months ago and that they have about a hundred in attendance. I think that is awesome!
God continues to impress me with the stories that are coming out of the gym. My prayer "to see the world with His eyes" is being answered. The gym has been one of the most easiest places for me to pass judgment. For so many years, I have let my own pride get out of control and in the way at the gym. I have always seen the gym as a place full of self-centered, testosterone filled jerks; and I was one of them. Now I am just simply amazed at what I am discovering. Real people with real stories. I can't wait to talk to "L" some more. I want to know what happened to his eye. I want to know more about what God is doing in his life. And when I find out, I will share it.
Peace!

Tattoos: Good or Bad?

2010-03-08T06:35:00.008-05:00

I was talking to my good friend and mentor about tattoos a few days ago. He was sharing with me his belief as to why we should not mark up our bodies with tattoos. Most of his beliefs come from the Old Testament.

“Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:28).

The Old Testament is filled with commands and laws that God provided us to live by. Technically, new believers today are not under the Old Testament law. That is why Jesus came, to save us from our past and future sinning. I really struggle with reading the Old Testament because of all of it's strictness and harshness. Another good friend gave me his input of the Old Testament; he said this, "The Old Testament is a series of testimonies of God delivering His people from their sins". In relation to tattoos, a good test is to determine whether we can honestly, in good conscience, ask God to bless and use that particular activity for His own good purposes.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

I designed my tattoo myself. It started one day while I was sitting on the sidelines of my son's soccer game. I was praying and writing in my journal and just started sketching a cross. The end result is this:

The cross stands for Jesus' death for us, the vine of thorns represent the pain that He went through for us, the tribal marks behind the cross stand for Jesus as a warrior, the tribal marks at the foot of the cross represent spirits (our souls) worshiping Him, and the Sun is God watching over.

An important scriptural principle on issues the Bible does not specifically address is if there is room for doubt whether it pleases God, then it is best not to engage in that activity. Romans 14:23 reminds us that anything that does not come from faith is sin. We need to remember that our bodies, as well as our souls, have been redeemed and belong to God. Although 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 does not directly apply to tattoos or body piercings, it does give us a principle: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” This great truth should have a real bearing on what we do and where we go with our bodies. If our bodies belong to God, we should make sure we have His clear “permission” before we “mark them up” with tattoos.

To me, getting a tattoo is no different than the obese person who continues to gourd on food, the addict who continues to take drugs, the alcoholic who continues to drink, the body builder who continues to take steroids or starve themselves, or the smoker who continues to inhale. Bottom line is, I believe God is more interested in our hearts and our intentions, not our appearances.

I HATE YOU...

2010-03-06T12:13:00.006-05:00

I hate you satan! I hate everything that you stand for! I hate that I even have feelings of hate...even for you.

In the past week I have witnessed a good friends painful divorce, was informed that a good friend's fiance left him over the holidays, and yesterday came the news of another friends separation from his wife. All the work of the enemy. You (satan) have even been at work in my life. Trying to mess up my marriage. Trying to separate me from my God.

Well I've got news for you satan. YOU LOSE! You picked the wrong person to mess with. You want a piece of me...come get it. I am a fighter. I'm not afraid of you! I am a son of God and in my corner is Jesus. So screw you satan.

I think it's obvious that I am feeling quite angry today. I'm fired up and I'm pissed off at satan. I'm tired of his games and his lies. I'm tired of watching friends fall victim to his deeds.

In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 Paul wrote:
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

In this letter, God is calling us to stand and fight. Challenging us to not run aimlessly (like those running from their fears). We are empowered by a God who is a Warrior. Jesus (God) is not just the Lamb Who is soft and caring. He is all powerful, a fighter who comes with fire in His eyes and a lightning bolt in His hands to strike down satan forever. HE IS! If we are created in His image, what does that make us? WARRIORS! We can't continue to sit in our self pity and hope for just a miracle. The miracle is at hand. He gives us a new day to fight. To allow Him to strengthen us. Do we as parents raise our children to stand for themselves, or do we want to always fight their battles for them? That is how God has raised us, and there comes a time when we all have to make a stand. So rise up brothers and sisters.
Rise up and fight!

A Sling & A Stone

2010-03-05T16:52:00.011-05:00

1 Samuel 17
David and Goliath
A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet tall. He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels; on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back. His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels. His shield bearer went ahead of him.
Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me. If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us." Then the Philistine said, "This day I defy the ranks of Israel! Give me a man and let us fight each other." On hearing the Philistine's words, Saul and all the Israelites were dismayed and terrified.
Now David was the son of an Ephrathite named Jesse, who was from Bethlehem in Judah. Jesse had eight sons, and in Saul's time he was old and well advanced in years. Jesse's three oldest sons had followed Saul to the war: The firstborn was Eliab; the second, Abinadab; and the third, Shammah. David was the youngest. The three oldest followed Saul, but David went back and forth from Saul to tend his father's sheep at Bethlehem.
For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand.
Now Jesse said to his son David, "Take this ephah of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread for your brothers and hurry to their camp. Take along these ten cheeses to the commander of their unit. See how your brothers are and bring back some assurance from them. They are with Saul and all the men of Israel in the Valley of Elah, fighting against the Philistines."
Early in the morning David left the flock with a shepherd, loaded up and set out, as Jesse had directed. He reached the camp as the army was going out to its battle positions, shouting the war cry. Israel and the Philistines were drawing up their lines facing each other. David left his things with the keeper of supplies, ran to the battle lines and greeted his brothers. As he was talking with them, Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, stepped out from his lines and shouted his usual defiance, and David heard it. When the Israelites saw the man, they all ran from him in great fear.
Now the Israelites had been saying, "Do you see how this man keeps coming out? He comes out to defy Israel. The king will give great wealth to the man who kills him. He will also give him his daughter in marriage and will exempt his father's family from taxes in Israel."
David asked the men standing near him, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"
They repeated to him what they had been saying and told him, "This is what will be done for the man who kills him."
When Eliab, David's oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, "Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle."
"Now what have I done?" said David. "Can't I even speak?" He then turned away to someone else and brought up the same matter, and the men answered him as before. What David said was overheard and reported to Saul, and Saul sent for him.
David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him."
Saul replied, "You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth."
But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." Saul said to David, "Go, and the LORD be with you."
Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them.
"I cannot go in these," he said to Saul, "because I am not used to them." So he took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.
Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. He looked David over and saw that he was only a boy, ruddy and handsome, and he despised him. He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field!"
David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.
So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.
David ran and stood over him. He took hold of the Philistine's sword and drew it from the scabbard. After he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword.
When the Philistines saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran. Then the men of Israel and Judah surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines to the entrance of Gath and to the gates of Ekron. Their dead were strewn along the Shaaraim road to Gath and Ekron. When the Israelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they plundered their camp. David took the Philistine's head and brought it to Jerusalem, and he put the Philistine's weapons in his own tent.
As Saul watched David going out to meet the Philistine, he said to Abner, commander of the army, "Abner, whose son is that young man?" Abner replied, "As surely as you live, O king, I don't know."
The king said, "Find out whose son this young man is."
As soon as David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul, with David still holding the Philistine's head.
"Whose son are you, young man?" Saul asked him. David said, "I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem."

Everybody should know this story. It is David versus Goliath. A scrawny Sheppard boy against a warrior giant. It comes from the Old Testament of the Bible, but it has so much application to every human being on this earth still today. Your giant may not carry a sword and shield, instead, he might be unemployment, abandonment, divorce, sexual abuse, pornography, or depression. He is everywhere, and you have to face him everyday.
I've had to face a couple in the list that I just mentioned. There will always be new giants as well. As soon as we kill one, another stands up and mocks us. Calls us out for battle. Tests our courage and presumes that we will fall in defeat to him.
Right now, I have a couple of giants in my life. I am in the fight of my life to fix my brokenness (with God's Grace and Mercy), and hoping that He will restore my marriage. I am still in this house that we are trying to sell, stuck with a mortgage that we can't afford anymore, and with that comes a lot of stress. From the moment I wake until the moment I fall asleep, the giants are there waiting for me.
My God is bigger than the giants that exist in my life. My faith has to remain strong. I am up for the fight, but it is exhausting. And at times, I even have my weak moments. I feel like giving up. I am lucky to have a band of brothers who lift me up. They speak into my life. They encourage me and pray for me. I believe every man (or woman) should have a group of piers who will do the same for them. Truthfully, we can't fight the battle alone.

My men's group is starting this new book study called "Facing Your Giants", by Max Lucado. I love the books that we dive into. I am only into the second chapter of this book, and already I feel alive. I feel inspired to be David. What great timing of this study as well. We need this to regroup. We need this to be restored and to remind us who we are and of the God that we serve.
What are your giants? Do you have more than one? Do you know who God is and know that He wants you to stand up and defeat your giants? He wants you to lean on Him, count on Him, and believe that there is Victory in Him?
Buy the book and read it. Discuss it with a group of friends. Pray and ask for God's help. It will change your life!

My Sacrifice

2010-03-04T07:45:00.007-05:00

Sacrifice is defined as the act of offering something to a deity in propitiation or homage, especially the ritual slaughter of an animal or a person. The key word here is "Offering". An offering is a contribution or a gift that is given by your own free will, not expecting anything in return.
Sometimes when we think of the word sacrifice, we think of the act of losing one's life to save another; the soldier on the battle field, the fireman in a towering inferno, Jesus on the cross. Or maybe you're an athlete and to sacrifice means to put yourself in harms way to help a fellow player advance, or accept a bunt to advance another runner. Sacrifice can be acted out in many ways, but it's meaning still remains the same.
I believe, that if we walk with God long enough, sooner or later He is going to ask us to sacrifice something for Him. Keep in mind that He still knows what is best for us. Our ways are not His. Our thoughts are not the same as His. God will ask us to do something for Him that seems near impossible. I recently read a passage from my daily devotional that said this: "Expect that one day (perhaps soon) He may ask of you what seems quite difficult. Then, He may ask of you what seems impossible. This is obedience in its purest form. This is obedience as sacrifice. To obey is better than sacrifice, unless, to obey is sacrifice".
As I continue to process how I control things and areas where I am too prideful, I am constantly hearing God calling me to sacrifice something. He is asking me to give into Him. To allow Him to control things. To let His will be done. This is a sacrifice to me, or better put, from me to Him.

Hebrews 9:26
Then Christ would have had to suffer many times since the creation of the world. But now he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself.

Father, please continue to break down the arrogant walls that I have built up. Please continue to reduce my pride. Lord, Your will be done, not mine. Please accept all that I offer up to You and continue to challenge me to sacrifice something for You.

Planting Seeds

2010-02-23T07:39:00.003-05:00

I was at the gym yesterday and I ran into my new friend Patrick. We started sharing stories about our tattoos, where we got them and what they mean to us. Patrick has a tattoo of a cross with some flames at the top of it and a profile of Jesus' face at the foot of the cross. He said that he thinks the flames makes it look too religious, and I told him that I think that it represents God's burning love and desire for him. Then I said this to him; "Did you know that Jesus spent most of His life trying to get people to stop being religious and to just simply follow Him? He is the way and the light". A look of confusion came upon Patrick's face, as if I just challenged everything that he knew about Jesus and what He stood for. I think in that moment I planted a spiritual seed.

The Parable of the Sower

1Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water's edge. 2He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: 3"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."

9Then Jesus said, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

10When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables. 11He told them, "The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables 12so that,
" 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,
and ever hearing but never understanding;
otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!'[a]"

13Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? 14The farmer sows the word. 15Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown."

I love the parable of the sower. I love seeing people who have just had a seed planted within them, and then watching them grow and blossom in the Word. I think of my own growth and how much I still have yet to do. I don't know if Patrick even remembered our conversation as soon as he stepped foot out the door of the gym that day. I'm sure it will cross his mind sooner or later, and when it does, I hope that he digs into his own faith and wrestles with God with all of his questions. I hope that, if a seed was planted, it continues to cultivate and grow. I hope that God uses me and what little I think that I know about Him to plant more seeds.

Peace!

Winter To Spring

2010-02-22T08:47:00.004-05:00

I don't know if I actually have a favorite season. I think that I like the transformation that happens between the seasons the most. I love it when summer shifts in to autumn and my favorite is when winter hosts in spring.
Seasons alone are long and become mundane. The hot humid air of summer wears me down after a while and I long for a blast of cool Canadian air to sweep down over us. But when that cool Canadian air brings freezing temperatures and snow well into the month of March, then I am ready for spring.
This winter has definitely brought it's share of snow. I like the snow. I actually love shoveling it. I get a kick out of how many of my neighbors use snow blowers to remove the snow from their driveways and it takes them almost twice as long than me. There is something still to be said for good ole fashion elbow grease. I love playing in the snow too. Sledding with the kids will always be one of my favorites. I just wish that it would snow more at the beginning of winter rather than towards the end of it.
I don't like winters that are long and bitterly cold. The kind of winters when the temps are in the single digits and the wind cuts right through me. Those are the kind of winters that make me look forward to our family trip to Florida in the spring.
Growth and new life is the theme of every spring. And I'm not just referring to grass, flowers and trees. It is a season of change for us as well. A chance to come out of our winter cocoons and grow into something beautiful. This spring, I am continuing to grow into my new role as a man. The man that God intended for me to be. A better father and a better husband. A better servant, and not just to those around me, but to God as well. In Matthew 25:40, Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." By this He meant that when ever we serve each other, we are really serving Him. That's a beautiful thing.
There are also dangers that come with the change of seasons. Cabin fever can cause boredom. Boredom is a killer of men. When a man becomes bored, he drifts. He slips into patterns of unhealthy behavior. Every man has his own suffice to cure his own boredom, and I definitely have my share of mine. I always get the automotive bug in the spring. No, I'm not going to purchase another vehicle. I love customizing whatever it is that I am driving. The danger in this is that it is an expensive hobby. I buy things that I don't really need and I do it behind my spouse's back. My only cure for this is to focus on the Word. I need friends that will hold me accountable. This accountability applies to everything from staying away from pornography to not spending money on stupid stuff for my truck.
This spring, my focus is on God's gift of growth for me. I will continue to transform into the man that He is calling me to be. And if it continues to snow, I will out-shovel my snow blower neighbors.
Peace!

Offering

2010-02-15T10:06:00.012-05:00

Lately, I have been processing the question, "what I have been called to place on the alter"? By that I mean, what I am willing to give up or reduce in order to grow into a better relationship with God and to hear Him clearer.

I have blogged numerous times about the sale of our current home with the goal of down sizing. I have gone through every room of the house; disposing of worthless stuff, donating clothes and furniture, and listing small valuables for sale. I have even started to offer my beloved Mustang for sale. These are all items that I have found myself placing on the alter. I have to admit that a great joy has grown in my heart from releasing stuff that I have held on to and from just simply "giving".

All of these have been noble offerings, and I think that they have pleased God. But, doesn't it all belong to Him anyway? Does He really care about our stuff? Maybe He does, if our stuff takes our focus off of Him. But I think it goes deeper than our material possessions. I believe that He wants more from us. I believe that He wants the things that matter to us the most. What if we put our children and our spouse on the alter? What if we placed all of our relationships on the alter? What happens when we sacrifice our life and our very soul and surrender it to God?

Matthew 6:19-24 says:
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

Verse 22 speaks of the eyes being the lamp of the body. If the eyes are good, the body will be full of the light (God's Spirit). I have often allowed my eyes to wander in the past. And every time I did, I lost my focus on God and what He wants for me. I allowed all of the lies in my life to speak volumes. I allowed my earthly wants to overcome my Godly needs. Lately, I have been praying to God, "Let me see the world with Your eyes Father".

Romans 12:1,2 calls us to offer a living sacrifice:
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

That my friends, is putting it ALL on the alter. Offering your life as a Holy Sacrifice. This is what I believe brings God great joy. I have been going through the daunting task of reading the Bible in one year. The old testament is filled with procedures of offering. Especially in Exodus and Leviticus. A lot of small animals and birds were sacrificed to offer up to the Lord. Those procedures were proper for that day and age, but I think these days, God just simply wants our hearts. And I don't mean to rip it out and spread the blood around as it was done in the old testament. Just simply surrender to Him. Offer Him your time. Pray to see the world with His eyes. Trust in His plans for you, and you will be blessed.
Peace!

Finding God

2010-02-13T14:54:00.010-05:00

It's easy to find God in a God centered environment. But where is He in the secular world? At the mall?, on the face of a homeless man?, maybe at your kid's soccer game?. I've been seeing Him a lot at my gym lately. Well, not physically, but I have been meeting a lot of His followers there. That would be cool though! He would be the BIGGEST freak in there!

I like the movies "Bruce Almighty" & "Evan Almighty". Morgan Freeman plays the role of God in both of these movies, and I really think he fit that role perfectly. I love how he transforms from a homeless man on the street into God. What if? What if He was really out there on the streets just watching us? Just interacting with us?
Over the next few weeks I am going to challenge myself to find God in the secular world. I am going to introduce myself to people that I don't even know and try to discover God in them. I'm not going to interview or ask religious questions. I'm just going to "get to know them". I will be praying and asking God to show up. I'm excited to see what I will find.

Surrender

2010-02-13T07:29:00.003-05:00

As a follower of Christ, I sometimes find it hard to yield to Him. I find myself struggling with my trust in Him and what His will is for me. I know that He has a plan for me; He has a plan for all of us. He ultimately wants what is best for us, and if we surrender to Him, then His will be done.
My good friend and counselor, Jody Burgin, sends me a daily devotional. God has gifted Jody with great wisdom and intellect. Here is one of his writings from the devotional:

Aren't we all like little children who have a million requests to make to our heavenly Parent? As we plead for this or that, we have no real idea of what is best for us. We know, however, that we can always ask. That freedom to request, that easy access to petition, is our greatest favor and honor. We are never turned away in our questioning, pleading - even crying - to God. If we trust him, we will also say that we "leave the results of it entirely to you." God's results are always good, always best, always right.

God knows what is best for us, just like the parents that know what is best for their child. We should surrender ourselves to Him on a daily basis. Start off with small sacrifices and work towards total surrender. His blessings will be constant with all that we surrender to Him.
So, is this a lesson in surrendering my self-control to Him? If I surrender, will I trust more, and have more faith? Yes. I believe that I will. I'm trying so hard to accept that He knows what is best for me, and my family. Even with the sale of this house, I am trying to accept the fact that He has a plan for us, and this house WILL sell when He wants it to, despite the market that we are in. Even if we have to sell it for almost what we paid for it and start over again; He is in control.
That past three months have been a battlefield and proving ground for me. I have learned so much about myself. I have come to some hard realizations about myself. I have made progress and I have made mistakes. I have struggled and I have grown. I have a lot of work to do, but I look forward to the challenge.

Father, You know what is best for me. You listen to my requests and You provide only what is needed. Thank You God, for opening the doors to the things I need and closing the doors that do not suit my best interest. You are in control Father, I will yield and surrender all authority to You. In Jesus!

Peace!

Coco In The Snow Snow

2010-02-11T19:07:00.013-05:00

This is Coco. She is our family dog. She LOVES snow days!

This is Coco eating the snow. This is her favorite thing about winter.

This is Coco looking for an old faded tennis ball that I threw into the snow. You'd think that she would be able to pick up the scent and find it.

This is Coco going pee pee in the snow. Don't eat the yellow stuff.

She is still looking for that darn tennis ball.

This is Coco going number two in the snow. I'm thankful for indoor plumbing.

I don't think she will ever find that tennis ball . . . not until all of this white stuff melts anyway.

This is Coco trying to get some sleep after playing in the snow. I don't think she wants to be bothered.

You can't hear her, but she is snoring right now, and quite loudly. Her lips flop around a lot when she snores. All the snow must have worn her out.

God Is A Quarterback!

2010-02-08T06:35:00.004-05:00

Last night, as I watched the Saints march on to victory, I couldn't help but notice how much time Peyton Manning sat on the bench. I believe that was the key factor in the Saints win over the Colts. I like to compare the game of football to the military. Drew Brees and Peyton Manning are the Generals, leading their offensive strikes against their opposition. The Saints did everything that they could to keep the ball in their possession and out of the hands of the Peyton and his army. The more time that Drew Brees had the ball, the more confident he became, and the more points they gained.
Now, what if God is the quarterback and we are His receivers? God is constantly calling plays in our lives. Sometimes, He wants wants us to take the ball and run with it. Sometimes, He wants us to go long and trust that He will get the ball to us. Sometimes, He will even carry the ball Himself and carry us with Him to gain that first down (get us right back to where we need to be).
What does the ball exemplify? What if it is the Holy Spirit that He wants to give to us? As receivers, that is a huge calling. He is trusting us to receive the ball and score with it. When we score, we are filled with joy, excitement, and satisfaction. These are all things that He wants for us.
Is God an active Quarterback, or does He spend more time on the benches of our lives. He surely can't do His job of leading us if we don't give Him the time of possession. I saw frustration on Peyton Manning's face as he just sat there on the bench. I think God gets that look on His face too when we are keeping him on the benches of our lives. He wants to command us and lead us! He wants to play and engage in our lives. He wants us to trust and receive and score. He wants to lead us to victory. And with the Lord, there is ALWAYS victory!
Oh, and it is not a coincidence that the New Orleans SAINTS won.
Peace!

This One Is Gonna Hurt

2010-02-03T16:22:00.005-05:00

I posted my car for sale on facebook at the beginning of this week. This is a tough one for me. I have been fine with trying to sell the house. I have even been fine with giving away a lot of random things on craigslist. But I knew that sooner or later, God would ask me to put my cars on the alter for Him, and this one HURTS. I have been a "car guy" since the day I was conceived. It took me forever to finally get my dream muscle car, and now, after five years of ownership, I find myself offering it up. Lately, I have been reminded of the story of the rich man who was asked to give away all of his possessions in order to follow Jesus. This is in the book of Matthew 19:16-24;

16Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"

17"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments."

18"Which ones?" the man inquired.

Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, 19honor your father and mother,'[d] and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'[e]"

20"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"

21Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

22When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

I'm not saying that I am a rich man, I think that we all have our own relative definition of that by American standards. I do have my share of stuff though, especially when it comes to toys. I haven't really felt that I have worshipped them, not over God anyway. I just like stuff. I have always loved God more. So why does this feel like it's going to hurt? Why do I feel like I have to prove my love for Him by giving up my things? A good friend once shared with me, that God isn't interested in our stuff. He's interested in our hearts. How have I used my stuff to honor God? Truth is, I haven't really used my car to honor God. It's just a me thing.
A mechanism for me to get away and vent. I think the danger that lies in it, is prideful ownership. If I am proud of my material possessions, then that puts a divider between the Lord and me. He wants what is best for me, but He hates selfish pride. I am proud of my cars. Especially my Mustang. I made it what it is. I took something great and made it better. I put a lot of my time, energy and money into it. The one thing that I seem to keep forgetting is, that it is a gift. A gift from God. After all, doesn't everything ultimately belong to Him?

I purchased the car as a slightly modified Mustang GT. Here is a list of everything that I have done (or was done by someone else) to the car to convert it into a 1999 SALEEN Replica:

SALEEN front fascia
SALEEN side skirts
SALEEN rear bumper cover
SALEEN sail panels
SALEEN rear deck wing
SALEEN side vents
SALEEN badges and decals
New chrome yellow paint in 2007
SALEEN 2" lowering springs
Tinted headlights
Tinted windows
BBK 75mm throttle body
BBK underdrive pulleys
K&N cold air intake with filter
SCT Xcalibrator tuner
New alternator
New Duralast yellow top battery
Bassani X-pipe exhaust
Flowmaster 2 chamber mufflers
STEEDA short throw tri-ax shifter
3:73 rear gears
Y2K Cobra R rims (blacked out)
New brakes in 2006
SALEEN race pedals
SALEEN floor mats
Phantom monster tachometer
Brushed aluminum interior dress up kit

Like I said, I put a lot of everything into this machine. I am just praying that God makes this as painless as possible. Deep down I don't want to get rid of it,... but I will if it brings me closer to HIM.

Peace!

Up The River With Humility

2010-02-02T16:45:00.006-05:00

Today I received counsel on humility and swimming lessons at the same time. My counselor and I are still digging into some of my control issues, and with them, there is still a great amount of pride and anger that I am carrying around.

First, let me share a paragraph from a book that I am reading called, "Humility"; by C.J. Mahaney.

I've found that it's possible for me to charge into my day motivated by self-sufficiency. But I've also learned that the very act of opening my Bible to read, and turning my heart and mind to prayer makes a statement that I need God. I find great benefit from this understanding, because like you, I have wildly fluctuating emotional experiences from day to day in my devotions. One morning I am profoundly aware that God is near to me, while the next day I can sense only His absence. In a matter of hours I go from what seems to be an effortless experience of pure joy to asking, "Where are You? Where did You go?"
The fact is, of course, He didn't go anywhere. Yesterday He allowed me to sense His presence; today He seems to be sending the message, "I want you to grow more in your trust in Me,; therefore, I am withdrawing that sense of My nearness".

This hit me like a train. That described me to a "T". I am constantly seeking and praising God, and acknowledging when He is present and working in my life. But as soon as He starts to withdrawal, I start freaking out. For example; the past few weeks have had their share of spiritual highs for me, but then that worry about not selling this house and going into possible foreclosure starts to sneak in. Immediately, I lose my trust and faith, and cry out "Where are You God? When are You going to free us from this?"

Back to the swimming lessons. My counselor painted this picture for me. I am in this River (God's Grace), and I am flowing along with the current. What does it look like to stay in that current and remain at His pace? What obstacles in that river do I clean onto for safety? What if I were to try to get out of the water or try to swim upstream? Or, what if I am swimming too fast downstream and getting ahead of God? I know that the current is His calling for me right now. He wants me to go downstream with Him in order to cleanse me and teach me. I don't want to get out of the water right now, so that is not an issue. Nor do I want to swim upstream and go against Him, but I sometimes find myself doing that. I also have items that I am holding onto for safety; such as my material possessions, but He is slowly washing those away. I think my biggest problem is getting ahead of Him. I want to get to the end of the river as fast as possible in order to receive my prize. That is me controlling again. My pride has taught me how to be self-sufficient. How to get it done myself. Although I am in the river, I am soaking in everything that He has for me, but I am not letting it humble me.

The next page in my book, "Humility", shared this:

Where there is worry, where there's anxiousness, pride is at the root of it. When I am experiencing anxiety, the root issue is that I am trying to be self-sufficient. I'm acting independent of God.
What's the solution?
"Humble yourself," God says.
How?
"Acknowledge your need for Me! Cast your cares upon Me, and I will transform you".

So I guess I'll be swimming for a while. The funny thing is that I can't swim at all in real life. I have been wanting to take lessons, but feel that it would be silly for a forty year old man to do such a thing. I have to trust that God won't let me drown. It's kind of like when you are a kid, and your daddy holds you up by your chest and stomach, and skims you across the surface of the water until you get used to how it feels. I never gained that trust with my earthly father. My fear of drowning was too powerful. So now, I am a rock that just sits in the water as it flows around me. Not in God's river though. In His river, I am a leaf that flows gently down the stream.

My goal now is to be humbled; my goal is to get to the end of the river, at His pace. Learning and soaking in everything that He has to teach me along the way.

Peace!

I WILL . . .

2010-01-31T07:37:00.005-05:00

I will love and honor God better . . .

I will try to resist temptation . . .

I will be still . . .

I will fight for what I believe in . . .

I will pray for God's will . . .

I will lift my hands . . .

I will be a better husband . . .

I will be a better father . . .

I will not judge . . .

I will let go of my control . . .

I will be more compassionate . . .

I will serve more . . .

I will worship Him in all that I do . . .

I will let go . . .

I will . . . because He has called me to do so.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3

Acts Of Worship

2010-01-30T06:48:00.014-05:00

My good friend Jon Price once said, that "when we sing praise and worship God, it ushers in His Kingdom. Worship sets the tone of our relationship with Him in that moment". That is one of the most beautiful things that I have ever heard in my life.

Jon Price leads the worship team at our church. He is one of the most spirited people that I know. I had the privilege of traveling to Honduras with Jon on a mission trip. Sitting around a campfire beneath the Honduran sky filled with stars, while Jon alone strummed on his guitar and softly sang love songs to God, were some of my favorite moments of that trip.

Worship is defined as: to treat somebody or something as divine and show respect by engaging in acts of prayer and devotion. Worship can take on many forms. It doesn't just have to be singing and lifting praise to Him. It can be two guys talking about God, and what He has done in their lives. It can be a small group of people, going out and serving their community, to show God's love for them in a practical way. It can be a husband and wife sharing a sunset together, and acknowledging Who is responsible for the beauty of it. It can be when my little girl holds my hand at night, as she pours out her heart to God in prayer before I say "good night" to her. Worship can take on so many forms. Anything that we do as an act of respect and acknowledging that God's hand is in it, is a form of worship.

I think one of the most important things about worship, is to make it authentic. Do it wholeheartedly. Don't just do it to do it. We can miss out on a truly moving experience if we deny worship of it's power. One of the things that I have had trouble with in the past, is raising my hands while singing praise to Him in church. I always felt self conscious of it, as if everyone would be starring at me. I remembered when I was beginning my walk with Christ, and how I would study everyone around me; especially during worship. Someone told me, that when we stretch out our arms to Him, our arms act as antennae. It's as if we are reaching up to our Daddy. Wanting to receive Him. Wanting Him to pick us up just so we can be held by Him. I did this for the first time last week. I can't even describe the feeling that it gave me. In one word, it was "Incredible"!

What are some ways that you worship God? When was the first time that you raised your hands in praise to Him, and how did it feel?

Jon Price and Alejandro doing worship together in Honduras

At The Gym Again

2010-01-25T16:58:00.002-05:00

So, I'm at the gym today and I see Patrick again. I knew that I had to tell him what I heard for him; and I was nervous about doing that. What if he thought that I was some religious freak? What if he thought I was weird? What if he thought I was coming on to him? You never know.
I walked up to him and he greeted me with a firm handshake. I immediately told him what I had to say.

Me: "Hey Patrick, how's it going?"

Patrick: "Good!"

Me: "I was thinking about what you told me last week and I felt compelled to give you some words that I received. I was looking all over for you, but you had already left."

Patrick: "Oh yeah, what's that?"

Me: "Well . . . I remembered what you said about wanting to be successful, and I just felt like I should tell you this. Measure success in not what you do, but how you do it."

Patrick: "WOW Nick! It's funny. I was having the same conversation with somebody else that day, and he replied with those same words."

Me: "That's pretty cool man. I also wanted to say, from my own experience, to just do something that you love doing and you will be successful."

Patrick: (Here's where he shocked me) "I'll have to pray about that one."

Me: "Did you say pray? Are You Christian?"

Patrick: "Yeah,...I'm Catholic/Christian...but I go to the Vineyard."

Me: "The Vineyard? Which one?"

Patrick: "The one up in Springdale."

Me: "Huh. Did you know that there is a Vineyard here on the west side?"

He told me that he had heard that there is one over here, but did not know where it was. I told him the location and he said that he lived right around the corner from it. He seemed pretty surprised when I told him about it. He told me that he hadn't been up to the one in Springdale for a couple of months because of selfish reasons. I told him that was o.k., and then I invited him to come check us out.
I'm not one to claim the gift of prophecy, but I totally loved that God gave those words to me to relay to Patrick. Maybe it was God saying "I miss you Patrick". Maybe He just thought that we should officially meet each other. I don't know. That was the first time that something like that ever happened to me. I take that back; that was the first time that I actually responded and acted on what God asked me to do in one of those situations.
Now I'm hoping that He will give me more words to pass on to someone. Now, I'm hoping that I see my brother Patrick at church some day soon. What a small Kingdom it is.
Peace!

At The Gym

2010-01-22T16:33:00.003-05:00

I was at the gym the other day, and one of the guys I recently spotted (for those of you who don't know gym terms; 'spot' means to encourage someone while exercising and help them if they get stuck) waved to me from across the gym. I love meeting people in the gym, but I also struggle with it as well.
The gym is one of the most secular, self-focused, sex driven, and dangerous places that I know of. I have been working out in a gym for over twenty years now. In the past, I exercised mainly to look good. Now, I'm just trying to stay in shape. I used to not mind all of the half naked ladies walking around, and all of the vulgar language from the guys when they saw one. Heck, I even used to participate in those conversations. These days, it really gets under my skin. I guess that shows my age.
Back to my topic of meeting people. Patrick is the guy who waved at me from across the gym. He seemed anxious to come over to talk to me, so I engaged in a conversation with him. The first thing that he said is "Man, I still can't believe you are 40". Which is the last thing he said the other day when I spotted him. I actually get that a lot from people at the gym. I asked him a little about himself and he told me a little bit. Patrick is 28. He spent most of his life partying. He works at a CiCi's Pizza place that his older brother owns. He wants to stop partying and start taking his life seriously. He also said that he just wants to be successful at something. I shared a little about myself as well, and then we parted ways.
As I was leaving the gym that day, I heard the words "Measure success not by what you do, but how you do it". I wanted to find Patrick and give him those words. I felt that I was supposed to. I also wanted to tell him that he should find the one thing that he really enjoys, and pursue it. That one is from my own experience. I looked for him, but he had already left. I really wish that I could have found him. Now that I'm carrying that around in my head, I know that I will either forget, or procrastinate when I do see him.
I don't want to scare the guy off either. I'm trying really hard to meet people outside of the comfort zone of my Christian friends. How did Jesus do it? How did He reach so many people without saying something over religious and scaring them off? I know a lot of people at my gym. A lot of them seem pretty banged up by this world. It's funny . . . the gym is probably the only place that I don't get on my soap box and start preaching. It's hard not to judge a lot of those guys, but for the most part, I like them for who they are. I do want to share my story with them, but I don't; unless they ask.
I often think of the saying "We are the salt and the light in this world". Maybe the gym is where I feel comfortable with who I am and there is something about me that is drawing people to me. Maybe I am a light in that place. If I am, I don't want to screw that up. That is a huge and awesome blessing.
I am constantly lifting those brothers up in prayer. They are on the front lines of spiritual battles, and half of them don't even know it. My hope and prayer, is that I don't say or do something stupid. I pray that the ones who do not know God, find Him soon. I hope that they get out of the earthly things that bind and shackle them.
I hope that I get a chance to meet someone new each week. For I too, have something to learn from them.

Offer 1 and Offer 2

2010-01-21T08:48:00.005-05:00

What an eventful week this has been. Last Sunday I received a call from our Realtor's office asking if we could show the house Monday morning. Of course, I said yes because I don't want to turn away any opportunities to sell. The showing was scheduled for ten o'clock in the morning. That meant a lot of cleaning, again, in a very little amount of time.
I was already stressed out and a little overwhelmed due to the fact that I just dropped Ann off at the airport the day before (Saturday). She is overseas on a business trip in Geneva.
So, Monday came, as it always does and I was up and out of here by 9:30. I didn't hear anything until that evening. The office called and informed me that the couple that looked at the house was prepared to write up an offer. The one thing that I didn't mention here, is that the same couple looked at our house on the previous Friday. At that time, they told their Realtor that they would offer $350k for our house. That's $200k less than asking price.
On Tuesday evening, we received not only one offer, but an additional one as well. The couple that said that they would pay $350k came in at $380k. The other offer was for $425. Both of which are way off of the mark. Just an example of what kind of market we are in.
I can't explain how relieved I am that we are finally getting some action. I guess low offers are better than no offers. We will counter with our asking price and just wait to see what happens. Maybe one of them will get serious and by this thing.

Is That Guy Still Alive?

2010-01-18T18:55:00.007-05:00

I was driving down the road the other day, and my five year started to ask me questions about things from when I was a kid. Favorite cartoon characters, favorite cars, favorite actors, etc... I forget who I mentioned, but Anthony asked me, "Is that guy still alive"?

He asks me that question a lot.

What does he think about death?

I remember thinking about death when I was a little kid. Not a five year old kid, maybe ten or twelve. I remember that it scared me.
I began to wonder, what is going through his mind when he questions "life"?
I remember thinking, "When I die, that's it, no more me".

Of course, then I always struggled with the idea of being immortal as well. How boring would that be, to be stuck around here forever?

I guess the only way that I'm going to find out what he thinks about death is, to ask him.

I'm sure I would get a goofy answer; . . . Did I mention that he is five?

Haiti

2010-01-15T08:35:00.009-05:00

A picture is worth a thousand words!

Father, I lift up the people of Haiti. I thank You for Your love and compassion for them. I thank You for the lives saved. I thank You for efforts made by Your sons and daughters that volunteer their time and efforts to help in these times of need. God, may Your spirit pour over the nation of Haiti. May chains and bonds be broken. May those who have not known You, find You now. God, You are awesome! In Jesus, this is my prayer.

Please check out the link to find out how you can help. www.compassion.com

Guilty Of Road Rage

2010-01-13T18:00:00.006-05:00

What can I say about rage? It is the work of the enemy. It is a state of mind that will take your focus off of God, and the work that He is doing in your life.
If it were not by the Grace of God, I would be in jail right now. Let me explain. This morning I gave in to my anger and allowed rage to intervene. I purposely ran someone off of the road after they cut me off. That is one count of vehicular assault, and is punishable by arrest and a large fine. For some reason, the guy chose not to press charges and he let me go. The end result, I was ticketed for improper lane change and wreck-less operation.
Allow me to go even deeper. Ten years ago, this was normal behavior for me. I was a road-rage-aholic. I have tried so hard over the years, to identify this rage, and to not react with it in confrontation. I believe the power of prayer was my main remedy for not having road rage over the last several years. I also believe in spiritual warfare, and if satan can't get to you one way, he will keep trying until he does. Today, that button was pushed. Honestly, I have felt it creeping up on me for the past couple of months. I once blogged about my struggle with pornography. I have felt that temptation the past couple of days. I did not give in. Then this happens. I feel blindsided. I thought that I had the road rage thing under control for good, to the point that I completely denied it, but I guess I was wrong. None the less, it is no excuse for my behavior. Everybody has a choice to make. I should have chosen to let this guy go; God expected that of me.
No damage was done to my vehicle, and the other guys car got a dent and a broken mirror. I was not hurt, not physically anyway. The other guy reported that he bumped his head and broke his thumb. The only thing he said to me was that he is going to sue me. I don't know how that will play out, and that is already creating a lot of worry and stress in me.
I am very upset with myself right now. I don't like who I was today. I know that God has forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself right now. I am struggling so hard with posting this blog, because I am fearing that everyone will judge me. As if I don't deserve it anyway.
While I was waiting for the police officer to file his report, I picked up my Bible and started to read. I don't remember exactly what scripture that I was reading because I was very disoriented and confused. So I started to pray for forgiveness. Maybe God heard this, and spoke to the other guys heart and convinced him to let me go. At the end of all of it, I began to drive away, but had to stop because I was very upset. I pulled into a parking lot and sat there, and I began to pray again. I don't know if this was a sign, but a white dove (or pigeon) began to hover around my car. I think it was God watching over me. How many single white birds fly around in Cincinnati? Whatever it was, it comforted me.
I just want to say to all who truly know me, that I am sorry. And please forgive me if I am quiet over the next couple of days. I will try not to isolate myself, or get too depressed, but I just need some time to evaluate this. I need some time alone with my Father. Again, I am sorry.

Tuning In

2010-01-10T07:39:00.004-05:00

While reading my book "Primal", by Mark Batterson, I came across a paragraph where Mark explained why it is so important to read the Word every day. He quotes:

"Until you hear the voice of God, you won't be able to sing His song. Why? Because you're out of tune. That's how we get stuck in sinful habits and negative cycles and destructive patterns. But when you open the Bible and really hear the voice of God - His loving voice, His graceful voice, His powerful voice, His convicting voice, His affirming voice, His authoritative voice - your life begins to echo God's. Your life becomes a joyful noise. Your life begins to harmonize with the Holy Spirit."

I read about an opera singer who could not hit notes in a certain octave even though they were within his vocal range. His coaches could not figure why he couldn't hit these notes. After some testing, the coaches discovered that it wasn't his singing capabilities that were at fault; it was his hearing. The opera singer could not hear the notes, therefor he could not sing them. The problem wasn't singing. The problem was hearing.
This is the same with how I hear, or don't hear God. If I am not making an effort to get into the Word everyday, then I find myself in a place where I am not hearing His voice. I am out of tune. I have had a lot of those dry spells since I became a follower.
I want to be in harmony with Him. I want to be able to sing His song. So, even though it is already the tenth of January, I am making a resolution to read the Bible every day. The entire Bible in one year. I have never read the Bible from cover to cover. I get bored with all of the numbers and listing of names. But I have always heard Him speak to me in my random readings. I have always learned something about myself after being in the Word.
I will close with an old saying; "It's not how you read the Bible, it's how the Bible reads you".

A Time For Everything

2010-01-05T09:22:00.005-05:00

I have received comments on some of my recent posts with suggestions that "I should lighten up a little". Or, "Nick, you just need to have fun and enjoy life". As I believe these comments are true, and I know my friends just want the best for me; I also believe that there is a time for everything. This is my season for reflection and growth. This is my opportunity to go deeper and discover who I am. I believe that we all have to go through these seasons. If we don't, we are cheating ourselves out of something amazing. I do like to have fun but I choose not to if it doesn't glorify God.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

This is my time. I have a lot to put on the Alter here. My selfishness and controlling behavior has been exposed. My pride needs to be checked. My material possessions need to be offered up. My marriage is at stake and so are the futures of my children. The stand I make now will determine our future. I would be a fool to deny this season that I am in. My only Hope is to accept it and to hold on to Jesus, because it's going to be a wild ride. All for the cause of Christ.
Peace!

Material Possesions

2010-01-03T15:02:00.008-05:00

I stumbled across this in a book that I'm reading:

"If you really want to know how I'm doing spiritually, all you need to do is look at my checkbook. It doesn't lie. It reveals my priorities. It reveals my passions. And it doesn't just reveal how I'm doing financially; it reveals how I'm doing spiritually. It's one of the best barometers of spiritual maturity that I know of. Don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not reducing compassion to a financial transaction. I think generosity has as much to do with time and energy as it does with money. But sometimes love is measured in dollars". The Author's name is Mark Batterson, and the book is "PRIMAL".

I have already talked about how we have been trying to sell our house since I returned from my mission to Honduras. For the past couple of months, I have been raiding every room trying to find stuff that we have accumulated that we don't use any longer. I have been giving stuff away, throwing stuff away and trying to sell items with higher value. It has been a daunting task.
Then I read this and it hits me. What does my checkbook reveal about me? It certainly shows how I have ceased to tithe. I want to give, but it just hasn't been happening. Our church even tells us that if we aren't going to give joyfully, then don't give. I have been using that as my excuse. As I look at my checkbook, I see half of our income going towards our ridiculous mortgage payment. A chunk goes to utilities. A portion goes into my new car payments. Then there's life insurance, gym memberships, eating out expenses, so on and so on. None of which any of this is being used to glorify God.
My priorities have all been self-centered and my evident passions are not HIS. The conviction to sell my Mustang has been weighing a lot on me lately. I only drive it during the summer, and even then the times are few and far in-between. This is one of those areas that I feel God chiseling into and it hurts. Cars are my passion. I don't want to lose my passion for them, so I find myself saying "Not this God. Please let me have this". I know that the money that I make from selling my car could greatly benefit the Kingdom of Heaven. It could build two or three homes in Honduras. It could go towards our building fund at church. It could be spent on a lot of things that would be a blessing to someone that is less fortunate. Yet, I hold on to it, with a grip so tight that my knuckles are white.
I am praying hard on this one. I am asking God to will me to let it go. This is part of my transformation of becoming the man that He designed me to be. So far, I have blogged about revelation and resolutions, how my marriage is damaged, and how much material "crap" I have to get rid of; and this is only my third blog of this new year. This is going to be a long, tough year. But I am up for the challenge. I have my eyes set on the Prize, and He is so worth it.

Too Proud

2010-01-02T11:41:00.005-05:00

Definition of Pride: 1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c : delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship .

I am a pride-full person. I have a lot to be proud of. I have a beautiful wife and wonderful kids. I have friends who love me. I have material things that I am proud of. I am a "I did it my way" kind of guy. I was taught as I was growing up, that if you want something done right, then do it yourself. This behavior has led me into self-isolation. With it comes denial. If I am in trouble, rather than asking for help, I have always tried to fix things myself. If I failed, then I protect myself by pointing out other peoples faults and blame my problems on them. I was too proud to recognize my own sins. 1 John 1:9 states: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Not only are we asked to confess our sins to God, but also to ourselves. By doing that, we are recognizing that there is something wrong and we need to seek help.

In my previous blog, I mentioned how I have caused my wife a lot of hurt and now my marriage is now in danger because of my controlling behavior. My wife and I were having another tough conversation last night about some of the damage that I have caused in the past, and I realized how my negative pride got me where I am today. As I sat there last night, I struggled with the question, what is the difference between good pride and bad pride? In other words, what kind of pride does and does not God approve of? A good friend once told me, that selfish pride is the number one thing that separates us from God. A college education, being gifted and creative, a healthy family are all things that we can be proud of, as long as we recognize that they are all gifts from God. A big house, a cool car, and a fat bank account, which are also all gifts from God, are not good things to be proud of.

As I start this new year and allow God to have more control in my life, I also ask that He humbles me. Show me when I am in one of my stubborn proud moments. This is going to be a tough one. There will be times when I say, "God, I can fix this part myself". "Please let me have control of this". "I don't want your help God, 'cause I know it will hurt if I allow you in". There will be times that I will be so stubborn, that I won't even hear Him speaking to me.

I read about a simple formula for humility and I thought I would share it.

If we recognize that:
1. God created this universe, including us, and
2. God shows that He is much more powerful than we are by what He does and has done in our world, and
3. God gives each of us abilities that we cannot supply to ourselves or explain our worthiness of,
Then we are humbled.

This is also my prayer.

Revelation & Resolution

2010-01-01T08:22:00.005-05:00

The thought of a fresh start is actually appealing to me. I'm not one to celebrate the new year, it's usually just another day to me. But this year, it's different. I am so glad that 2009 is over. What I thought was a pretty good year ended in a train wreck.

I have been going through this painful process of self evaluation and I have also been receiving professional counseling to help me sort through some my issues. There are two big constants in my life that have done a lot of damage to me; control and pride. I have blogged about both, and thought that I have been doing a pretty good job of letting go of both. This is so hard to write about and share as well. I have been told that I am transparent, so I'm just going to put this out there to allow myself to be judged, or to be held accountable.

I am one of those guys who thought everything is fine in my life. I thought that I was being a good dad. I thought that I had a pretty good relationship with my wife. I thought that, since I am a believer (in God), He would take care of everything and everything was going to be fine. On the eve of Thanksgiving, that all came to an end. My wife and I had an argument that revealed a lot of damage that I have done. I'm not going to go into any details of that damage because it's personal to me and my wife. I will say that I have been hurting her for years and I didn't even realize it. I have turned her off and denied her when just needed someone to talk to. I have criticized and ridiculed her appearance. I have given her my suggestions as to how she should fix her life. If none of this is controlling or prideful, then what is?

So, I am laying there alone on my bed on that Thanksgiving eve, giving God a piece of my mind. Asking Him to reveal what the heck I did that was so wrong. I hear Him say "Get counseling", but in my pride I say that I'm not the one who needs help. I hear it again "Get counseling". I don't even know what I am supposed to request counsel for. After hearing it for a third time, I get up and send a message to counselor to set up a date. I have been seeing him now for two months, and already I am . . . , well, there are a lot of words that describe how I am. One is, ashamed. I am ashamed at who I have become. I am ashamed at the hurt that I have caused people. I am sorry!

Ephesians 5:25-30 says: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds it and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of His body. This verse has stood out to me so clearly over the past couple of weeks. I have not been loving my wife unconditionally. I have not been loving her the way that Christ loves church. I have put limits and conditions on what I give or receive. I have failed to be the man that I promised to be when we said our vows.

On this day, the first of 2010, I am committing to continue receiving counsel. I am allowing God to tap in and remove the control and pride, and it hurts. I am vowing to love my wife unconditionally. I am seeking God's wisdom in every aspect of my life. I am going to fall short, and say and do stupid things, but I am requesting that God convicts me immediately. I don't know how long this process will last, but hopefully, at the end of this year I can say that it has been a good year. Hopefully, at the end of 2010, my bride of fifteen years will still be with me; and she will feel loved.

Follower

2009-12-16T09:35:00.003-05:00

I changed the name of my blog to "Follower". I did this because I am devoting my time and energy into seeking God's wisdom and following Jesus as a role model for my life. My old title "The Human Experience" was fitting for my experiences in life, but as I am growing, I know all of my experiences will be as a result of following Him.
I hope that my postings will challenge people to think about what God is doing in their lives. As I am a follower of other inspirational blogs, I hope that followers of my blog will be challenged to follow Christ as well.
Peace!

Who, What, Why?

2009-12-15T14:36:00.010-05:00

Have you ever wondered why a certain person has been introduced to your life and questioned the purpose and timing of the introduction as well?

I met this guy a few months ago, who stumbled into our men's group. I remember asking him to share a little bit of his life story with me, and I remember thinking that he is going through the ringer and how awesome it is that he is walking with God to get through it. I never really questioned my knowing him at the time, but that changed yesterday.

Over the weekend I approached this guy to inquire about his drywall skills for a job that I am doing. He gladly accepted the job and mentioned that he really needed the work. He called me yesterday to ask me if I could drive him to the bank and then to a couple other places because his car is not running. I told him that I could, but it would have to wait until tomorrow. He then asked me if I would like to purchase some tools from him because he is really hurting for money. He mentioned that the electric company is going to shut off his electric this week because he can't afford to pay that bill either. I didn't respond to what he was telling me because I have had bad experiences of being taken advantage of in similar circumstances in the past. I simply said that I would pick him up tomorrow and that I would pray for him as well.

I was driving home from the gym yesterday and I found myself thinking of what he told me and I began to ask God about him. Why do I have a soft spot (or weakness) for this kind of person? Why is he asking me for help? What is the ultimate reason for knowing this person? God, what am I supposed to do? These were some of the questions that were rambling through my mind during my thirty minute drive home.

This morning, I woke with the same questions going through my mind. I had an appointment with my counselor (I am seeking counsel for personal matters) this morning, and this topic came up. I was asked if I am sad about anything, and I used this for my answer. I am sad because this guy is having a rough time, and I want to help him. I know, ultimately, he has to make choices to help himself, but I feel like God put him in my life so I can help him. Why do I know him? How can I help?

We continued through my session and then my counselor asked me if I am confused about anything. The word "DISCIPLE" appeared in my thoughts. What does a modern day disciple look like? And how is that different from a pastor? Am I being called to disciple this guy? Or, is he being called to disciple me? I answered my counselor's question with these questions. We discussed my ability to disciple and the possibility that this guy could learn something from me, and then moved on to the next question. When I left his office this morning, I was still wondering the opposite. Maybe he is supposed to disciple me, but what could I possibly have to learn from him?

About an hour ago, I got my answer. I picked up my friend, as promised, to take him to run his errands. We got to talking and in a matter of minutes, we were sharing some pretty deep stuff with each other. I remember asking him about his kids when I met him a few months back. I remember him telling me how he hasn't spoken with a couple of them since his divorce several years ago. I remembering hearing the hurt in his voice when he shared that with me. I asked him how things were going lately and he immediately broke into tears. With all of his might to pull himself together, he shared a story of some recent time spent with his son who still has a lot of aggression towards him. He said that, as he was dropping his son off after their visit that day, his son hugged him and smiled. He told me that his son was mad at him for all of those years because he was never there for him. Never at a ball game. Never payed attention to him at home. His son felt like he was more of a slave to his dad than a son.

That hug was a break through for them!

As I dropped my friend off today, I drove away asking myself: Do my kids feel like a slave to me? Am I there for them at home? Am I there for them outside of our home? Maybe it's not me asking myself these questions. Maybe it's God asking me through a friend's life example. Maybe I was being discipled. Thank you God, for my new friend and what you are teaching me through him.

Matthew 28:16-20
¹⁶Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. ¹⁷When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. ¹⁸Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

maybe

2009-12-12T21:23:00.004-05:00

maybe, I can love her better.

maybe, I can serve her more often.

maybe, I can be quiet.

maybe, she deserves better.

maybe, she is waiting for me.

maybe, she loves me.

UC Bearcats & Tiger Woods

2009-12-11T09:13:00.007-05:00

Judging Others
Matthew 7:1-6

¹"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ²For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

⁶"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

So we all know by now (thanks to the media) that Tiger Woods was having an affair. And, as of yesterday, we now know that Brian Kelly (UC football head coach) accepted the head coach position at Notre Dame.

It's easy to pass judgment on these. Tiger has been a great role model and an athletic idol for a long time now. What takes a decade to establish can be destroyed in a week, thanks to sinless efforts of the media. Who are we to judge? Who of us doesn't struggle with sin on a daily basis? Tiger Woods is no different from any of you or myself. He is just a man. He is not perfect. He, like all of us, is a sinner. Why then, are we so quick to point our fingers and condemn? Because, he is looked up to? We should be looking up to Jesus and setting His standards for are lives, not some golfer's. Would any of us want our lives to be exploited and made public when we have our falls from grace? I think not. There is a lot to be learned about how he picks himself up from this fall. I just hope that he asks God for His assistance. In the mean time, turn off the TV or change the channel when another media source is bashing him, and lift he and his family up in prayer.

As for Brian Kelly, the last time I checked, he is just a human as well. A sinner like the rest of us. So he used The University of Cincinnati to build his resume to get his dream job at Notre Dame. So he lied about it. So he won't be there to coach the last game at The Sugar Bowl. What about all the good he has done? Now that he won't be a part of our precious team, we are so quick to cast stones at him. Who of us hasn't pursued something in life? Who of us hasn't set standards and bailed out when something better came along? The example that he is setting for the students and athletes is not new to them. I think that example has already been established by their home life and by society itself. No, I'm not saying that I agree with it or it's o.k. My question is: Does it stem from our own selfish motives to judge someone else's decisions? Think about that one for a while. Pray for him as well. Forgive him if you hold him in contempt.

John 8:1-11

¹But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. ²At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." ⁸Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

¹¹"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

Christ Centered Marriage

2009-12-10T08:38:00.006-05:00

This is actually a post written by Matt Chewning, one of the bloggers that I follow. It really spoke to me in the season that I am in, so I thought I would share it. Keep in mind that I have no authority to teach or preach, but I think Matt did a great job at sharing this message. Matt Chewning is a resident of North Carolina, but is being called to plant a church in Boston. You can read more of his posts at his blog: The Chewning's Journey Towards A Church Plant In Greater Boston.

1 Peter 3:5-7

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Sin separates. The hardest relationship in the world is the marriage. Two people trying to come together and do life as if they are one is an element of disaster, however, this is God’s plan. The problem with this is that we are a selfish and sinful people who desire to have things the way “we” want when “we” want them. Since that is the case, anytime you bring two people together to exist in the manner that God calls us, there are many obstacles to overcome.

Over the years, through reading scripture and personal experience, I have come to understand something about marriage. I will call this more of an observation than something that I have mastered, because God knows that I haven’t figured this out at all. I often wondered why God is so big on women submitting to their husbands and husbands being “loving and gentle” with their wives. I mean, of all the things that God could have told men and women to do in his Book, why choose to tell husbands to “love” their wives and women to “submit” to their husbands?

To help get a grasp on this, I think it is necessary to first understand what the gospel (good news) of Jesus Christ is. Jesus is one of the three God heads of the Trinity, referred to as the Son. He has always been and always will be. He is the head of the church; He is our mediator to the Father and the sender of the Holy Spirit. He is creator and Isaiah says that He sits at the right hand of the Father, receiving worship from all of heaven. In Genesis, as the Trinity was making creation, it says that Jesus was there in beautiful rhythmic harmony with the Father and the Spirit, as man was being created in His image. After sin enters into the world in Genesis 3; Jesus, in order to save Gods elect and enter into relationship with Him; leaves the comforts of home (Heaven) and enters into His creation to live as a sinless, humble man; under humble circumstances; live the life that humanity could not live, and die the death that humanity deserves, only to be raised back to life on the third day; overcoming sin, death and absorbing the wrath of God because of our rebellion.

The crazy part of this story is that God did this for self-glorifying people who were God haters, selfish, proud sinners and on their best day had nothing to offer God. The bible states that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. It says that Christ who knew no sin, became sin, so that sinners could be the righteousness of God. This is a beautiful story of loving the unlovable; one in which just about every great movie or novel is about. This is a story of a man giving up his life so that others may receive life. In essence, Jesus is our Hero.

How does this affect a marriage? The main reason we see God often speaking about how a man should “Love” and “Be Gentle” with his wife is because that is counter intuitive with our sinful nature. The same is true for a woman. God tells the wife to “Submit” to her husband, because a women’s natural sinful tendency is to lord over her husband and run his show.

As a husband, my natural desire is not to be gentle with my wife. Actually the opposite is true. My natural tendency as a sinful man is to be harsh with my words, brash with my attitude, and manipulative with my ways. Concerning how I love my wife; as a sinful man, my initial tendency is to love her when it is only convenient for me. I choose to love her when I want something from her or I will love her because of what she has to offer me. My natural tendency is never to love my wife because of who I am. Instead, I choose to love her for selfish motives. This is why it is so easy to say unloving things when husbands don’t get their way, to emotionally disengage, or in the worst of cases, become physically overbearing to a wife who is physically much weaker than her husband.

The wife, is not too different in her sin. A wives sin typically revolves around her desire for headship and leadership in a home. This has been going on since our first parents Adam and Eve walked the earth. As a matter of fact, sin first enters into the world, because Eve desires leadership, therefore sins, and then leads her husband to sin as well. God himself says in Genesis 3 that although a man will be called to lead his wife; the wife will desire to have the husband’s role as the leader of the marriage. Because of this, many wives are considered a nag. Proverbs compares a woman like this to the annoyance of a leak in the roof on a rainy day. This typically plays out in all sorts of ways. Most often because a wife cannot be physically superior; she becomes her husband’s greatest critic. Constantly criticizing every things he does; from his driving, the way he eats, the way he dresses, the way he parents, the way he pursues sex, the way he provides, the way he talks to her, and even his motives when he decides to love her well. Again, because her ultimate desire to lead, she will continually nag at his leadership and undermine the way that he does everything.

How can a marriage overcome this? To be honest, it almost seems hopeless and too broken of a system to overcome. However, Christ is in the business of reconciliation man to himself and his ways. 2 Corinthians puts it this way in chapter 5 “In Christ, God is reconciling the world to himself.” In other words, as we look at Christ and centralize the gospel in our lives, we will find God’s original intention and order for all of our ways. That being said, we now have to look at Christ in order to understand how marriage can work.

As we learn what our sinful tendencies in marriage are, we should be looking to choose to submit to Christ’s teachings in order to have a biblical marriage even as it gets hard. Looking at the gospel helps us endure when it seems too difficult. Before Christ was crucified for our sin, he went to the garden to wrestle with God. You see him pleading with God to change his ways and defeat sin in a way that did not require Him to separate from the Father and experience His wrath. However, after Christ wrestles with God, he humbles himself to God’s process. He does this out of Love for God and not love for Himself. If he loved Himself more than the Father, he would have avoided the cross and death and not have experienced the wrath and resurrection that saves sinful man. In the same way, we too need to wrestle with God. Gods design on a Godly marriage goes totally against our intuitive ways on how to go about relationships. In all honesty, God’s design for marriage is just too selfless.

Husbands and wives, dream with me for a minute.

Can you imagine a marriage that really fulfills Ephesians 5:21”Submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ”? Husbands, what if you pursued never saying another harsh, unloving word to your wife again? What if you looked to continually encourage your wife without any selfish motive or self seeking reason? What if you were gentle with her and kept your tone low and honored God with your words, looking to build her up and lead her as if she were really God’s child? Wives, you’re not off of the hook either. What if you fought every desire to lead and criticize your husband knowing that blessing comes from submitting to your husband because that’s God design? What if you chose to follow his leading; allowing him to do things the way that he desires without manipulating him and urging him to do things the way that you want it done? What if you thought the best of your husband and believed that his motives were always in love and honor to both God and you?

How would this change your communication? The way you fight? The way you make love and desire each other? The way you parent together? The way you seek to give rather than receive?

The trick to all of this is found in the Gospel as well. Again, the Gospel says that all have sinned against God and fallen away; but despite our sin and while we were still sinners, Christ died. In other words, Christ didn’t love us because there was anything special about us, he loved us because there was something special about Him. In marriage, the same is true. We are commanded to “Love” and “Submit” not because your spouse is “Lovable” or “Submission Worthy”, but instead we are to Love and Submit despite their sinfulness at times. Doing this despite sin is the mark of a true Gospel Centered person who is more interested in being obedient to Christ than they are in responding to sin by sinning themselves. Let’s be honest, when a wife is trying to Lord over her husband because she feels that she can lead better, she is sinning. The same is true when a husband is choosing to not deal with his wife in a lovable way because she is being unlovable. We are not free to sin because our spouse first sinned against us. That is when this gets really hard, because we want to treat people with an appropriate response to how we are being treated. But, the gospel says that Christ treats us with love while we are unloving towards him; He is our great example.

Typically a marriage gets stuck in a never ending spiral of, what I will call, “Responsive Doing.” In other words, because He is not leading well, She will respond by sinning and taking over. Because she has taken over, He will respond with sin and be harsh with her. Because he was harsh with me, I will nag him and criticize every thing he does. Because she’s always nagging and criticizing, I will not love her well. And the spiral goes on and on and on.

Wives, allow your husbands to lead not because he is a great leader, but because of your desire to love Christ and obey his commands. Husbands, love your wives well and be gentle with her, not because she is lovable, but because of your desire to love Christ and obey his commands. Wives, make it easy for your husbands to lead by not criticizing every thing he does. Husbands, make it easy for your wives to follow you by leading well. Do nothing out of selfishness, but consider your spouse better than yourself.

Ultimately, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." – Ephesians 5

Keep in mind, repent quickly and forgive graciously.

100 Random Things About Me

2009-12-06T14:14:00.000-05:00

1. I Love Jesus
2. I am married to Ann (Lauer) Calcara
3. I have three kids (Dominick, Eleana, Anthony)
4. I am a 10 year veteran of the United States Air Force
5. I served in the Persian Gulf in 1991
6. My favorite ice cream is chocolate moose tracks
7. I have an architecture/engineering degree
8. I've been to Honduras on a mission trip
9. I grew up in Columbus, Ohio
10. I am Sicilian (great, great grandfather immigrated)
11. I lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico for 4 years
12. My favorite colors are black, red, yellow & blue
13. My birth date is March 20, 1970
14. I love watching "Dancing With The Stars"
15. I am taking Muay Thai & kickboxing lessons
16. My wife is my first true love
17. I became a Christian in 1998
18. My favorite car is the Ford Mustang
19. I want to take drum lessons
20. My favorite Italian meal is Lasagna
21. I have a dog named Coco
22. I love thunderstorms
23. I am an avid bicyclist (road & mountain bike)
24. My favorite beer is Sam Adams
25. I am a sinner (see 26)
26. I am redeemed
27. I am a self-taught Cabinet Maker & Woodworker
28. I assisted in building a log house (from ground up) in Albuquerque
29. I have been to 30 of the states
30. My favorite heavy metal band is Metallica
31. My favorite rock band is Creed
32. My favorite Christian band is Jars Of Clay
33. My favorite country performer is Alan Jackson
34. I am a stay-at-home dad
35. I love pumpkin pie
36. I want to write a book some day
37. I used to dress like Michael Jackson in high school
38. One of my favorite books is "Fathered By God" by John Eldredge
39. I am a Michigan Wolverines fan
40. I have competed in a triathlon
41. I used to break dance back in my high school days
42. I tried the Atomic Sauce at Quaker Steak & Lube
43. I am a fan of Emeril Lagasse
44. I love serving people
45. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving
46. I was a marksman with firearms when I was in the military
47. I fail at a lot of things
48. I like winter better than summer
49. My favorite fast food restaurant is Taco Bell
50. I collect die cast cars
51. My favorite super heroes are Bat Man & Wolverine
52. I like watching chic flicks with my wife
53. My favorite chic flick is "Fools Rush In"
54. My favorite Christmas song is "Little Drummer Boy"
55. My favorite Christmas movie is "Home Alone"
56. I just recently got my first tattoo
57. I can't stand WEBN
58. My favorite actress is Angelina Jolie
59. My favorite actor is Brad Pit
60. I designed Penn Stations, BW3's & Skylines
61. I hung out at a skating rink when I was a teenager
62. My favorite "big hair" band was Night Ranger
63. I've never broken any bones
64. I go to bed at 9:30 quite often
65. My all time favorite comedy is "Dumb & Dumber"
66. I fart . . . alot
67. I hate it when people cuss
68. I can grow my hair into an Afro
69. I love to draw
70. I miss the guys that I grew up with
71. I have flown co-pilot once
72. My favorite rappers are 2Pac & Dr. Dre
73. I graduated high school (barely) in 1988
74. I have never done drugs
75. I watch SpongeBob Square Pants every day
76. My favorite animal is the Bengal Tiger
77. I am addicted to chocolate
78. I am a control freak
79. I just picked up reading as a hobby last year
80. I"m coocoo for cocoa puffs
81. I believe that we can fly in Heaven
82. I am an exercise nut
83. I can take an engine apart & rebuild it
84. I know nothing about computers
85. I talk to God every day
86. I have nightmares of losing my family
87. I struggle with a lot of things
88. I don't know how to swim
89. I have a lot of tools
90. I prefer the mountains over the ocean
91. Mexican cuisine is my second favorite after Italian
92. I love to hear people's "life stories"
93. I sometimes judge people too much
94. I want to travel the world when I retire
95. I love to cook
96. I am very transparent
97. I get lost easy
98. I am seeking counsel to fix myself
99. I Love Jesus, but He is So worth mentioning twice
100. This is my 100th blog.

THAN--(fade to black)--KSGIVING--(fade to black)--DAY

2009-11-26T18:58:00.006-05:00

Well, once again, Thanksgiving has come and gone. This was not our ordinary Thanksgiving though. Today was full of normal stress & chaos, and some not so normal stress & chaos. Here is a time line of our day.

6:30 a.m. I wake to the sound of Ann on the phone (talking to Duke Energy) and I notice the electric is out.

6:35 a.m. Ann is off of the phone and we are told electric won't be on until 10:30 a.m.

7:00 a.m. Turkey should be going in the oven now, but still no electric.

9:35 a.m. Tension is high and Ann & I begin to argue. Still no electric.

10:35 a.m. We are now in "MacGyver" mode. We begin to cook the turkey on our gas cooktop. Still no electric.

11:00 a.m. ELECTRIC IS ON! Something to be thankful for.

1:15 p.m. Turkey is cooking. My family arrives. Electric is still on. Finally feeling normal.

2:15 p.m. WHAT THE? Electric is off again. Turkey is only half cooked. Haven't even started baking the side dishes yet.

2:35 p.m. Ann's family arrives. Ann's mom mentions they saw the electric company replacing a pole. Hope that doesn't take long.

3:00 p.m. ELECTRIC IS ON AGAIN! Please God, let it stay on. We have to eat at 4:00.

4:00 p.m. Electric is still on. Turkey is done! As well as all of the fixins. Time to eat!

4:15 p.m. Electric is still on. Grace has been said. People are eating. A lot to be thankful for.

5:00 p.m. Electric is still on. My family has to head back to Columbus.

6:00 p.m. Electric is still on. Football is done. I feel fat. Ann's family decides to leave.

Current time. I just finished a slice of pie and now I feel extremely fat. Time to rub my wife's feet and fall asleep on the couch. The Electric is still on, and this one is in the bag.

I just wanted to add, that I am very thankful for the folks at Duke Energy who sacrificed their day to respond to the call. I once had a position that required that of me. I was active with the US Air Force when my unit was called to Desert Shield/Storm back in 1991. It's people like that, we should be thankful for. We take so much for granted in this country, and the sad thing is that we think we deserve it. I was sitting on my couch thinking last night about all of the people in the world who don't have heat. Who don't have electric. Who don't even have family to gather with on a holiday, or any other day of the year. That, my friends, is a lot to be "Thankful" for. I fell victim to the stress of no electricity yesterday. I so very quickly forgot about those things that we take for granted. I so very quickly forgot about my trip to Honduras to serve those who have nothing. As I was sitting here with my kids, watching Charlie Brown on T.V., God was reminding me of all of these things. He was convicting me to do it better next time. And there will be a next time. There always is a storm on the horizon. Next time, I will be prepared. When I'm sitting here in the dark, I will be reminded of all that I take for granted and that I should be truly thankful for. Peace!

Church Is Not Church

2009-11-25T13:34:00.005-05:00

O.K. We've all heard it said before, "church is not the building, but the group of believers that are in it". But lately, I've been discovering a whole new truth to that. And with that comes the realization of "who" and "where" the church actually is.

For me, it is community, fellow believers, and the body of the congregation. But it's also more than that. Let me ask a question before I explain. Do you realize that most of the stories of Biblical figures met God outside of the church? Moses met God in the form of a burning bush in the middle of a desert. David wrote most of the psalms while camping under the stars. Even Jesus did most of His teaching outside the four walls of a church. John Eldredge touches on this in his books.

I have been making a lot of effort to get outdoors lately, no matter what the weather. I recently blogged about a camping trip that I took last month with my oldest son in Michigan. When we found that clearing that lead us down to the lake, I felt as if God had provided that path to show us something. I know that it was hard for my son to grasp that concept, but for me it was evident. God wanted to be alone with us. We just sat there on the bank while the cool breeze came across the lake to gently kiss our faces. I got it. God was romancing us. It was refreshing and calming. It was church outside of church. So I sat there and enjoyed the moment. A moment of conversation with my first born. A moment of tranquility. A moment alone with our Father.

God created the world with all of it's splendor and glory. He created man (Adam) out in the wilderness. It's as if we were meant to be out there in the wild. That is where we are tested. That is where our ancestors lived. It's where they did life and had community together. It's where messages were taught. It's where we can go to get away from all of the noise. That's where we will find God. I encourage you to take an hour or two, to go hiking or just find a quiet place outdoors. Somewhere you can sit and be all alone. And listen! I guarantee you will hear Him. Being out in the very nature that He created and hearing His Words for me, is a form of church. It is a beautiful and inspiring experience.

Breathing

2009-11-25T07:17:00.007-05:00

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I was listening to my breathing. I noticed that I was taking long, deep breaths. And then I started to wonder; what would my last breaths be like? I don't mean to sound morbid. Will they be relaxed breaths? Will it be hard to breathe? Will I be in a panic, gasping for air? Only God knows the answer to these questions.

Job 12:10 In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

About three years ago, I decided to take up bicycling. A couple of friends of mine invited me to do a ten mile loop (on a local street) with them. Only one of us was properly equipped with the right kind of bike because he had been doing this for a while. The other two of us had old mountain bikes. I thought for sure that I could do this because I considered myself to be in pretty good shape. So, we headed out. About two miles into the ride, I was done. I could go no further, and yet, I still had to ride the two miles just to get back. It was a combination of riding a mountain bike with big knobby tires and improper gearing, and my inadequate level of cardio ability that prevented me from going any further. I purchased a new road bike and hit the streets as much as I could. I became addicted to the sport but I noticed that I was still struggling with my breathing. The slightest inclines presented a challenge for me, and I could not catch my breath. I would get extremely light-headed and I felt like I was going to black out. I was literally fighting for air. I made a visit to my family doctor who diagnosed me with EIA (Exercise Induced Asthma). In EIA, the muscle bands around the airways are sensitive to changes in temperature and humidity and react by contracting, which narrows the airway. Fatigue, tightening of the chest, wheezing and shortness of breath are all of the symptoms that I was experiencing. My doctor prescribed me an albuterol inhaler to use when I expose myself to prolonged exercise. And what do you know, it worked! I am not Lance Armstrong by any comparison, but now I can ride my bike for a good thirty or forty miles without having to fight for air.

Job 9:18 He would not let me regain my breath but would overwhelm me with misery.

After the thoughts of how I wound spend my last few breaths, I began to thank God for the air that I breathe. We don't even deserve it, but He gives it to us anyway. It is a gift! When I am given a gift, I cherish it. I try to use that gift to my best ability. So, in honor of receiving this gift, I am trying to do everything that God is asking me to do. Loving Him and worshipping Him above all.

Genesis 2:7 The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the earth and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

The air that I breathe fills my heart with oxygen. Without oxygen, the heart is a useless muscle. My heart is vital to my existence and to my relationship with God. It is my heart that allows me to feel and hear God. I often ask God to break my heart with the things that makes His heart break. And He does. An example of this would be the compassion and love that I have for my brothers that are in my men's group. We meet every Tuesday to worship the Lord, share our struggles, pray for each other and just have community together. When one of us is feeling broken, it breaks my heart. It is then that the Lord empowers us to breathe new life into each other.

Genesis 25:8 Then Abraham breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man and full of years; and he was gathered to his people.

Great Book!

2009-11-24T08:54:00.005-05:00

I just finished reading "Fathered By God" by John Eldredge and I loved it. This book spoke more to me than "Wild At Heart", another one of John's writes.
The title says it all. Maybe our fathers abandoned us when we were young men. Maybe they were there, but never really played with us, or taught us anything. Some of us might have had abusive fathers. No matter what the situation, God is our perfect Father, and He wants us to be the men that He designed us to be.
John takes us through six stages of a masculine journey that shapes us as Godly men over the course of our lifetimes. Starting with Boyhood to Cowboy to Warrior to Lover to King to Sage. The Warrior and Lover stages spoke volumes to me, probably because those are the two stages that I am transitioning in at this current time of my life. I don't want to go into too much detail, because I want this to be a great and revealing read for somebody.
I just want to say that this book revealed a deeper love for my earthly father as well. I have held a lot of anger and hurt from some of things that occurred in my past. I know that he did not intend to make those mistakes, but we all do as fathers. Somewhere in the second chapter of the book, I broke down and wept. I called my dad immediately just to tell him that I love him, and I forgave him for any hurt that he caused me. It was an awesome moment.
If you are a man and a father, I would like to inspire you to read this book. Peace!

You & Me

2009-11-23T20:31:00.003-05:00

Man, I love the Dave Matthews Band. This new song is beautiful! It reminds me of how much I love my wife. How I long to be with her. How we can do anything together. It makes me want to travel to the stars with her. And when the kids get older, we could teach them how to fly.

I remember when I first met her. She was my world. She still is. There's nothing in this world that I want to do without her. I want to travel to the end of the world with her, and we get there, we can look back and say "there is nothing we haven't done".

I tried to load the actual video to this song, but it can't be downloaded yet. This is the Saturday Night Live version. If you get a chance, go to youtube and watch the actual video. It's the one with him sitting in a room full of chairs.

And to my bride . . . you and me together, the two of us together, we can do anything.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-23T06:17:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving Day is a harvest festival. Traditionally, it is a time to give thanks for the harvest and express gratitude in general. It is a holiday celebrated primarily in the United States. While perhaps religious in origin, Thanksgiving is now primarily identified as a secular holiday.

The date and location of the first Thanksgiving celebration is a topic of modest contention. The traditional "first Thanksgiving" is the celebration that occurred at the site of Plymouth Plantation, in 1621. The Plymouth celebration occurred early in the history of what would become one of the original thirteen colonies that became the United States. The celebration became an important part of the American myth by the 1800s. This Thanksgiving, modeled after celebrations that were commonplace in contemporary Europe, is generally regarded as America's first. Elementary school teacher Robyn Gioia has argued that the earliest attested "thanksgiving" celebration in what is now the United States was on September 8, 1565 in what is now Saint Augustine, Florida. Today, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday of October in Canada and on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States. Thanksgiving dinner is held on this day, usually as a gathering of family members and friends.

I just wanted to take some time to list of some of the things that I am most thankful for.

1. I am thankful that Jesus died on the Cross for me (us).

2. I am thankful for my wife and kids.

3. I am thankful for my brothers in Christ.

4. I am thankful for my family and friends.

5. I am thankful for my health.

6. I am thankful for the air that I breath.

7. I am thankful for the men and women in uniform, serving our country, both near and far.

8. I am thankful for my freedom.

9. I am thankful that I have an available source of food.

10. I am thankful for all of the stupid stuff that I have, that I really don't deserve to have, and that I should not be proud to own.

This is just a short list of some of the things that I am most thankful for. I am interested to hear what some of you are thankful for. Take some time and share. Have a good Thanksgiving.

Prayer Guide

2009-11-22T07:33:00.006-05:00

I was reading a post about how to pray by one of my fellow bloggers and I thought that this would be good information to pass on. His name is Brian Branam and his blog is called "Feel My Faith". I have him listed as one of the blogs that I follow on my sidebar, feel free to click on his site and read some of his recent posts. I find them quite insightful.

Here is his post called "Prayer Guide":

Over the past few weeks I have been sifting through Dr. Gregory R Frizzell's book, Returning to Holiness, A Personal and Churchwide Journey to Revival. Here is an outlined gleaned from pages 78 - 81 on Five Practical Steps to a Powerful Daily Prayer Life. He lists five practical steps, I managed to stretch it into six.

1) Make an absolute commitment to consistently spend significant time alone with God in uninterrupted prayer (Luke 11:1).

2) Approach your prayer time as a relationship with God rather than a required ritual (Luke 10:38-42).

3) Listen first (1 John 5:14-15).

4) Make a commitment to a balanced prayer life by regularly practicing the four different types of prayer (1 Timothy 2:1).

a) Praise, thanksgiving, worship
b) Confession and repentance
c) Petition and supplication
d) Intercession

5) In your daily petitions, focus more on issues of personal character and holiness than on temporal needs (Matthew 5, Romans 8:29, Galatians 5:22).

6) In your daily intercession, focus more on issues of evangelism and missions than on temporal concerns (Matthew 28:18).Develop a prayer list of:

a) Lost people
b) Key leaders and ministry strategies of the church
c) Key spiritual and government leaders in city, state, and nation
d) Mission strategies of our association, state, and convention.
e) Petitions for revival and awakening in our city.

I believe that I heard this same exact teaching as part of a message from a church that I once attended. It laid the foundation for and became a crucial part of my relationship with God. In Matthew 6:5-15, Jesus explains how we should pray. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. I love to wake up early in the morning, before the sun rises, and before anyone in my family rises. I have a great view of the eastern sky through my living room windows. I will sit and read some scripture, and then I close my eyes and begin to pray. The total silence in the morning is key here. God not only desires to hear from us, but He wants to speak to us as well (1 John 5:14-15). Having no distractions around is important. His voice is not usually a loud voice, but a whisper when He speaks to me. Sometimes He paints a picture in my mind. Sometimes He gives me a simple word. Sometimes He just holds me as we sit in total silence. And then I open my eyes and look to the east just in time for Him to show me another beautiful sunrise. It is the most important and best part of every day for me.

If you are not doing so already, I encourage you to take some time and look over this list (Prayer Guide). Then, find a quiet place, and get alone with God. Lift up your prayers and LISTEN. You will be rewarded. Peace!

TRANSFORMERS

2009-11-18T06:40:00.007-05:00

I was just sitting here thinking about how much I love the new series of "Transformers" movies. They are jam-packed with action, passion, adventure, a beauty to fight for, and of course all of the automotive toys.
But then I got to thinking about how we, ourselves, are all transformers and there is more to us than meets the eyes. What I mean is, we all have the ability to transform ourselves from something normal into something totally awesome. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being normal. But I would argue, that God has something "great" planned for all of us, and if we allow Him to do His work in our lives; then we all have the ability to become something great.
I have been on this journey for the past several months to discover the man that God has intended me to be. It has been a rough, yet rewarding journey. This journey has had it's fill of action, adventure, trials & tribulations. I have discovered so much about myself and my true potential.
In the sequel "Revenge Of The Fallen", Optimus Prime tells Sam Witwicky that they cannot defeat the Decepticons without him. At first, Sam denies his calling to be something great. He wants a normal life. He just wants to go to college and find his place in the world through a "normal" course of events. He soon realizes that he is not normal. His calling becomes so evident that he has no choice but to aid Optimus in the victory over the Decepticons. He has to dig down deep to find that warrior within himself. He has to transform himself into something extraordinary to get the job done. Optimus' own survival and the earth's existence depends on this.
So how does this fictional story compare to the true stories of our life? Who's existence depends on us? As a Christian, I would have to say that everyone I come in contact with benefits from my transformation. My wife, my children, co-workers, the guy at the gym. Anyone who struggles, anyone with questions, anyone with doubt. Those who believe, my fellow followers, my friends and pastor at church. Anyone and everyone can benefit from my transformation in Christ.
God has called me to rise to the challenge. He has invited me to go on this journey. It will challenge me. It will be an adventure filled with accomplishments and failures (we learn from our mistakes). It will bring out the inner warrior in me. It will reveal the "Man" that God intended me to be.
Will you accept the calling? Will you allow yourself to be transformed? Will you rely and trust God's plan for you? If you do, I guarantee that you will not regret it.

Now I just need to figure out how to get my car to turn into an awesome robot. Peace!